Complex Numbers

Georgia Not On My Mind

Talk about your plans for the superb owl or if you're not a fan talk about something you are a fan of like maybe Adam Levine or Gladys Knight she's doing the national anthem.

You know what I'm not a fan of?

Atlanta.

Oh, the city's nice enough - if you can move around in it. Which, if you're driving, you can't. You think NoVA is bad? You think Boston is bad? You think Orlando is bad? Phoenix? L.A.? Well, you're right, but for unadulterated frustration, try driving in Atlanta. You know how Yoda was all like, "Do or do not. There is no try?" Well, Atlanta is firmly in the "do not" camp when it comes to driving anywhere.

I can only imagine a sportsball game would make things worse, even if it does take place on a Sunday.

And yeah, I'm not a fan of football. Oh, don't get me wrong; I understand that many people are, and I'm not trying to dis your hobbies. You like to make fun of me playing D&D and reading comic books, so I'm taking the moral high road here, because I'm the better person.

I can even understand why people who aren't normally fanatics about football get together on a certain Sunday early in the year to watch the game whose name we can't speak without incurring the wrath of the NFL's lawyers. I even attended such a party once in this millennium, because Springsteen was doing the halftime show, and there was no way I was going to miss that. Also, there is traditionally drinking involved, and I encourage such behavior whatever the excuse (or lack thereof). So yeah, party on, Garth.

I get that people are into the spectacle and get emotionally invested in the whole thing. I feel that way about some rock concerts.

But what I can't grok, not even a little, is why people watch the game for the fucking commercials. I hate ads with an all-consuming, fiery passion, to the point where I didn't even watch TV at all for many years so as not to encounter a commercial. I only started up again when streaming became a thing, because there are no gods-be-damned ads. I freaking pay for TV shows that I like on Amazon because I don't have to put up with commercials. While I do understand that there are a lot of innovative ads in that spot, they are still ads and thus need to be incinerated in the burning pits of Mordor. And then I hear things like "Oh, I don't care about the game; I just want to see the commercials." WHAT EVEN GAAH I LITERALLY CANNOT.

As an aside, if any other activity - chess or math, e.g. - caused the kind of injuries to grade school students that football does, it would be banned. I'm just saying. That's not my issue with football, though. It has more to do with it being a four-hour delivery system for commercials with about 11 minutes of actual sports action.

But you know the absolute worst thing about the big game? I'll tell you what the worst thing is, and it's a very personal one. You see, the very first one was held the same year I turned 1 year old. If you count that as number 1 (or "I"), then you can quickly see that whatever the game number is in any given year, I will be turning that old a few short days later.

That is a reminder that I simply do not need.

Also, who in the ad-saturated hell is Adam Levine? I can't be arsed to look him up.