Charity Marie Blogs!

Being Me

I had a therapy session today and it was very helpful. We talked about the responses I had to Libby's re-hospitalization. It really set me back in ways I never expected. We discussed how I essentially shut down for a couple days and how that's not the unhealthy response I thought it was. I just needed a couple days to recover and get my head straight.

My therapist said after extreme stress that's natural and it may even take longer than that. Each hospitalization is different. The first three days are often the worst but it can take up to a week for me to feel normal again. I'm slowly but surely coming back to myself. I've noticed that my ability to talk on Discord has been severely limited lately. I've been isolated but only because everything overstimulates me.

We also talked about my anti-social tendencies and my inability to socialize in groups. We determined it may just be something I avoid doing and that's okay. After my ex husband, there's a scar where he broke a part of me. He didn't break me, just a piece of me. I have to accept all these little scars and work around them. My life won't look like someone else's and that's okay. Stop trying to compare yourself to others or be like others. Just be you. Which really goes back to my goal this year which is accepting myself and allowing myself to just be my own glorious, amazing self.

So I can't go to parties with other people? So what! So I can't do networking events. They weren't all that great anyway. Find other ways to meet people and do things. Find an interest and meet people that way. Just find another way. Or don't and accept this is the way things are and there's nothing wrong with it. Stop telling yourself it's wrong that you can't do something, especially because others do it and you consider that healthier. Most people haven't been victimized and don't know the dangers.

There's a damn good reason you don't do those things. But you don't let fear of those things cause you to be dysfunctional. You don't let it stop you from being the amazing person you are. You're still achieving. Despite everything that's happened in the last 30 days, you're still writing, you're still working. Maybe not at the 150% you're used to but so what? Maybe it's time to do 80% for a little bit. You'll get back to it when you're able.

I do have some real concerns as to whether I can do the door knocking job with Vivint. I fear it's going to trigger some unexpected responses to things and I'm going to have to find another way to do that. I'm just not sure how yet. Or maybe I need to just do something else entirely. Or maybe it'll be just fine. Maybe the freelance writing and real estate are the best solutions for our life right now. I won't know until I try it. The idea of knocking on someone's door doesn't scare me right now (maybe it should but it doesn't) but that could be because I've never tried to sell someone. I just look at it as a conversation.

On another note, I got a call today from a fundraising entity and I was very proud of myself because I was able to calmly and politely say no. I simply said, "Now's really not a good time for this, but good luck with your fundraising. Maybe in the future when things are better financially for us." And instead of being pushy, like they normally are, he accepted it. I set a boundary and it worked. So I am getting better at this complicated thing called life, a little more, every day.



Charity Marie
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