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30 Day Blogging Challenge - Most Memorable Birthay

I would say my most memorable birthdays are probably bad ones. I don't have many friends and I'm a pretty simple person. I don't want to be the center of attention. It makes me anxious. A birthday, by its very nature, makes you the center of attention. So for me, a simple birthday cake, a meal, and a movie are all I really want. My husband is great at understanding this about me. My ex-husband, not so much.

My ex-husband threw a party for me one year and invited a bunch of my business friends. Everyone was really kind to me but I felt so embarrassed the whole time. All I really remember is the cake he bought had a strawberry topping that ended up all over the box instead of the cake. In hindsight, it went well, but to this day the memory of it makes my gut clench. My hands shook the whole time. I remember I gave a toast of thanks that made people laugh and clap. I remember being bone weary exhausted at the end of it. Putting on a show for other people is not something I'm good at.

Two years ago, I was at a business meeting with co-workers when all sixty of them sang happy birthday to me. I was incredibly touched but ashamed to say I cried. It was very sweet but so embarrassing for me to listen to all these people I admired and respected sing to me. Even the company owners. Oh, how I hate to be the center of attention.

I remember one birthday I thought I was going to be arrested. I was in a stolen car. Although at the time, my boyfriend had loaned it to me so I could go to the movies. He was also high as a kite so thankfully his allegations weren't taken seriously. It also helped that he didn't know where I was (I was in a city 45 miles away). I returned it, we broke up, and I became homeless again.

One year I had my car stolen on my birthday and was running through a hood in Richmond, Virginia at 3 a.m chasing after it like an idiot. That was a memorable day. My cokehead boyfriend finally returned it and I told him I never wanted to see him again.

For several birthdays, I was in a group home or foster care and wished I could forget I'd ever been born.

I turned 18 and became homeless the same day.

On my 21st birthday, I got as drunk as I could in the hopes I would pass out and forget the day.

On my 25th birthday, I was starting over in a new state (Indiana).

On my 26th birthday, I was pregnant with my daughter.

On my 31st birthday, I was in a new state (Texas).

This year's birthday, my daughter came home from a mental health treatment facility. Last year she was in one and it was the first time she missed my birthday since she was born.

I don't remember any of my childhood birthdays. Since my birthday is four days before Christmas they tend to be overshadowed by the holiday.

I can honestly say, my birthday is a day I prefer to avoid as much as possible. Spending the day distracting myself is oftentimes the best solution.



Charity Marie
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