Thrown Away/Twisted Roots

Chapter 3

         


Chapter 3








Her mother's face and her Aunt Tammy's face hover above her head. She can't move. Her mouth screams their names as she tries in vain to get their attention. Their eyes stare at her in pity. "Your not ours anymore." She screams. "Mother! How could you? Where did you take me from? Did you rescue me from a bad situation? Did you steal me from a shopping cart at a store?" She sees her mother's body form and her hands stretch to her for understanding. Tammy interferes. Her arms are crossed and she frowns at Diane. "Tell her!" She orders her sister, who shakes her head in response. "Tell her, she needs to know the truth."


Diane begins to cry. "What if she hates me for it?"


Tammy laughs. "You're dead what will it matter? You won't know."


Casey sat up in her bed. Her body damp with perspiration. Shaking fingers push at the damp strands of hair stuck to her forehead. After a few deep breaths to calm her pounding heartbeat she made her way to the bathroom.


Casey wrapped the chenille robe tighter around her body as she shuffled downstairs to the library. Only the glow of the fake embers in the electric fireplace lit the room. She collapsed on the settee and pulled the afghan from the back around her.


Thoughts raced through her mind with the recent nightmare. They moved faster spinning until tears flowed and she cried until there were no tears left. She slept for a time. When Casey woke memories again filled with the incidents. She scrubbed her face and sat up.


“It’s all their fault.” She stood and pulled the cord to the banker light on the desk. Her aunts journals sat in a mound on the desk. “Why didn’t you tell me, if SHE didn’t?” She accused the leather covers. The hurt grew in her chest like a ball of lava. “You knew something. Why didn’t you make her tell me?” She used her arm to push a pile onto the floor. She lifted her head and let out a wail that would have rivaled any Werewolf from Washington.


“How could Aunt Tammy have given the box of journals to her lawyer? What if Diane had lived longer? Much longer? I need to find out who I am.”


Cullens face came to her mind. For a moment she’d wanted to share this with him. When he'd come over for dinner all he wanted to talk about was her keeping quiet about what she'd learned. If anyone came forward to contest the will, she might not get the money. After a while of listening to him she asked him "Cullen, what if all this was gone? What if I ended up with nothing? Would you still want me?" He answered quickly, "Of course."


He then proceeded to advise her what to do with the money and to think about selling the house, buying a smaller one in the West Hills, closer to the Downtown area. Maybe even a condo."


"Cullen, I'm exhausted. Its been a long eventful day. I think I'm going to bed." She stood and waited for him to follow her to the foyer. He put his arms around her ignoring the fact she remained stiff. "You've had a hard time. I understand." He kissed her forehead and hugged her before releasing her and letting himself out the door.


Casey stared at the door. Was something wrong with her? Usually she and Cullen had great conversations. She loved playing devil's advocate and arguing with him just to prove her point. Tonight she felt he was an intrusion. His sudden fixation on her non birth statis and her inheritance, grated on her nerves.


Maybe that's what caused the horrible nightmare.


There was nothing left to do but re-stacked the journals off the floor. Pulling the top one from the pile she began to read. She read with the same dedication she did when researching any of the cases her boss assigned her. A notebook and pen lay close for any passages she wanted to remember.


Sunlight filtered through the curtains and Casey rubbed her eyes. The clock in the hall struck seven and she pulled herself out of the chair making her way to the kitchen. While drinking her coffee and munching on peach strudel toast, her phone pinged. It was her boss texting, “Take as much time off as you need. You’re due some vacation time.”


She texted back her thanks and that she'd let him know when she’d be back at work. She had no idea what was ahead of her. She opened the notebook and read her first notation from last night talk to Marilyn about the birth certificate. She stared at it for a moment then asked out loud “Then what?”


Abby interrupted her thoughts as she came in the back door. She caught sight of Casey and smiled. "How'd you sleep?"


"Awful. I had a nightmare. I couldn't shake it."


Abby set her reusable bags of groceries on the counter. "How about pancakes and bacon? I see you already started the coffee."


"That sounds wonderful. I'll go shower and be down in a jiffy."


While they ate Abby pointer her fork at Casey. "Maybe should talk to her friend at the hospital? Marilyn. I know she was here for the funeral and all, but you should go and sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk. She knew your mother the best. I'd hear Diane on the phone with her at all hours. You'd think-" She stopped abruptly and shoved a piece of pancake into her mouth.


Casey waited for her to continue but she didn't. Casey raised her eyebrows at her. "Abby? What were you going to say?"


"Nothing good comes from speculation."


"That's a lie. Speculation can be the mother of invention." Casey shot back.


"Necessity is the mother of invention." Abby corrected and shook her head.She picked up her empty plate and set it under the running water.


"Abby, we have a dishwasher. What aren't you saying? You had some thought. Spill it." Casey took her plate to the dishwasher and slid it into the rack dropping her fork and knife into the basket. She held out her hand for Abby's plate. "Spill it, she repeated.


Abby hung her head and her shoulders dropped. then she poured more coffee into her cup and slid her thin wiry body back onto the chair.


" I wondered about your mother. She never had a boyfriend. Never dated men." Abby wagged her finger. "That's not a bad thing, but I just wondered why. She was smart. nice looking and she could be funny when she let her hair down. She never seemed interested in men."


Casey nodded. "I asked her once about it. She told me she wasn't interested in sex. I'm wired different. I don't need it or want it. I enjoy the company of people. That stimulates me. A relationship with a man or woman exclusively just doesn't interest me. I took it as the truth."


Abby nodded. "That makes sense. I apologize for thinking anything differently."


"Believe me you aren't the only one to notice or say something to her. She felt sad that people judged her to be either a man hater or gay. She was neither."


"Go and visit Marilyn."


"I will. Today looks like a good day."


"Will you and Cullen be eating at home tonight?"


Casey shook her head. "I think I need a little space."


Abby shook her head.





An hour later she walked into Emanual Hospital where her mother and Marilyn worked. She waved at the staff that called out to offer their condolences. Marilyn’s assistant waved her on through and she knocked on the door before entering.


Marilyn looked up and stood, meeting Casey in the middle of the office giving her a tight hug. “How are you dear? Sit down. Do you want coffee? Chose any pod.” She motioned to the coffeemaker on the sideboard.


Casey ignored it and sat across from her. She pulled the journal and her birth certificate from her purse and laid them on the desk in front of Marilyn.


The woman looked at Casey then punched a button on her phone. “Sue, hold my calls. Do I have anything pressing for a couple hours? Good. Keep the path clear.” She disconnected the call. “What is it? Did you find something else in the journals your aunt left you?”


“Not much. She makes vague references now and then, but nothing is concrete. I’ve not finished reading up the day she died.” She pointed to the birth certificate. “How could Diane have gotten one of these? How does the process work?”


Marilyn picked up the paper and pulled her bottom lip over the top teeth and shook her head. “I’ve been thinking about it. I have no idea. There is a strict process in place. When a woman has a baby a staff member gives her a worksheet to fill out. She has five days or before she leaves whatever is first to fill it out and hand it back to the staff member. It’s then taken to the Birth Clerk who types up the official form and mails it off to the state where it’s recorded. A copy is made and stamped with the state’s seal. That copy is mailed to the parents or mother. The sheets are monitored by the clerks and nothing ever happens to a birth certificate, at least I’ve never heard of any mistakes by the staff.”


Casey followed the procedure in her mind. “Then how did she circumvent that process?”


“Your guess is as good as mine. To tell the truth Casey it was twenty-eight years ago. Everyone in the Birth Clerk station is new. Maybe she paid someone to do it for her.” She shook her head again. “I just don’t know. This isn’t anything like the Diane I know would have done. She was a stickler for protocol and procedure.


“She did it. However she managed it, I have a very legal birth certificate from a woman who never had a baby. I’m not even sure she ever had sex.” Casey muttered as an afterthought.


Marilyn laughed as she pretended to sip her lips and throw away a key. “Your mom had her flings.”


Casey leveled her gaze at the woman across the desk, “She wasn’t my mother.”


Marilyn’s expression changed and she gave the same look back at Casey, “Diane Moyer was your mother. Whatever incident put you into her arms doesn’t matter. That woman loved you as if she had birthed you herself. She stood by every choice you made and was there for every dance, breakup and held you when you had a fight with your best friend. Your aunt Tammy loved you too. They didn’t give you any cause to doubt their love or devotion by spilling secrets or doubts about your heritage. If you chose to look for your birth mother, that’s your decision, but don’t ever denounce the love your mother and aunt had for you.”


The words pierced Casey's heart. They were true. Even if she was able to find out what happened. Diane was her mother in every way. Even if she stole her. That didn’t happen. Diane would never have done something like that. She was sure of it. Tears overflowed, She was sorry for doubting and having anger against her mother.


Marilyn came around the desk and sat in the chair across from her. She pressed tissues in Casey’s fist. “Shhh, it’s going to be alright.”


“But she l-l-lied to me,” Casey stuttered and she buried her face in Marilyn’s soft shoulder.


“I know you’re confused and hurt. It’s normal. You’ve had a lot to deal with all at once." She tapped the paper. "Diane was able to raise you with no one looking for you. Maybe your real mother died and gave her to Diane? I don’t know, but you’ve grown to be a woman she was proud to have raised. Whatever you choose to do, don’t forget that.”


Casey nodded. “I just don’t understand how she could have walked away with me and not found my family? and then not to tell me. It’s not right!” her voice rose with the last words.


“That’s the reason.” Marilyn stood and walked back around to her desk. She took a sip from her coffee cup and grimaced. Walking to the bathroom across from them she continued, “Some time when you would have been about eighteen or so, had she told you about how you came to be with her, you’d have wanted to find your birth mother.”


“Yes, I would have.” Casey interrupted.


Marilyn returned to her desk and sat down folding her hand in front of her. “What if she were a drug addict, a prostitute, an alcoholic that just handed you over without remorse? Think Casey, how would you feel knowing that? Are you better to know that your biological mother threw you away like so much garbage?”


“What if she didn’t?” Casey countered.


“What if she did? Are you happier knowing that all these years? Tell me, if knowing that might have changed your choices? Made you less confident? Thinking you were worthless is a hard mindset to break.” Her voice quieted. “You are today what you have been becoming. Change the becoming part by throwing in doubts and insecurities, would you be who you are right now?”


Casey thought long about that. Then she slowly shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. I know some adopted girls and guys. They are either a little overconfident or trying to prove something. I’m not saying everyone is like that, but I see times when they hold back or become a bit defiant. You’re right. It doesn’t make it any better, but I see your point. I’ll keep that in mind when I find the truth.”


“This is all so fresh and the hurt of losing your mother, finding she isn’t your mother, losing your aunt. Take some time. Have you talked to Cullen about this?”


Casey gave a wry smile. "Yes. He's afraid that someone will contest the will since I'm not Diane's biological daughter, and I'll lose all my inheritance."


"How do you feel about that?"


Casey ran her finger across the desk in front of her. She looked up at the woman who was her mother's best friend. This matronly woman had her own family yet included Diane and Casey into hers. Her brown hair showed gray at the temples and she liked to wear jackets over her blouses and dresses to 'hide my over indulgences.' She cared. Stepping in as she had at times to give another view of issues between Diane and Casey.


"I'm thinking. I"m used to him."


"An old shoe can be thrown out. You want a man that becomes like a grafted arm. Something that would tear you apart if you couldn't come to an agreement and be at your side if you fell apart."


"Is that what you have?" Casey loved Marilyn's husband. He was a strong man figure in her life and had once taken her for ice cream and given her a version of the sex talk from a man's point of view. Diane had laughed when Casey recounted the conversation. "He means well and everything he said is true. Don't discount the messenger."


"You're right, I'm just a little sad at his lack of compassion."


"Don't worry about him. Take your time. Right now you have something more important, finding your mother.”


Casey slumped in the chair like a sack of potatoes. “Where am I going to start? She shows up with me. Aunt Tam and she have an argument. I’m sure Aunt Tam told her to turn me into the authorities, but I guess mom knew that would mean me going into foster care and she’d fallen in love with me by then. Aunt Tam certainly did. I read pages of my moves, coos and when I turned over, slept through the night and stopped throwing up all the formula they bought.” A smile crossed her lips at the memory.


“See, Honey, they chose you. they wanted you so badly Diane broke rules and the law to keep you. Never forget that.” Marilyn frowned and leaned forward resting her elbows on the desk, ” What do you do when your boss hands you a project? Where do you start?”


“The internet and newspapers.”


"Then treat this like you would a project. You know who you are now. Check newspapers for missing children during that time. They have a database for missing children, check that. You have very distinctive features. You have baby photos. Compare those.”


Casey almost jumped out of her seat. “You’re right. I have the basic information about me. All I have to do is match it to someone missing.”


“Hold on.” The older woman stood holding her hand out in a stop manner. “This isn’t going to take you long. I really doubt there will be anything there. Not to disappoint you. I think whoever your mother was, she entrusted you to Diane. I got the impression she did the woman a favor. So you may have to go back to the date your mother left Texas and question her coworkers and retrace her path.”


Casey hugged the older woman and kissed her cheek, “You’re a blessing! Thanks for the help and shoulder.”


“Any time Honey, anytime. Keep me posted!” Casey heard her call out as she strode past the assistant.











{/linespce}