Evolution of love

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

'What is this place, Grandma?' She said, 'Son, this is where we all go when we die.' I looked around I was so at peace. I could hear music. I could see the mountains in the background, the sky was a series of washed Alizarin crimson then faded to Prussian blues and then a beautiful darkness. Other than the Warm Golden light, the sky was the most beautiful 'sunset' I’ve ever seen. Behind me was darkness. It was night time and like space darkness. The ironic thing was that I felt like I was part of all of it and it was connected to me. I felt no fear. This was Heaven. I knew I had worked hard on changing my life. Years before, I had found faith in a power greater than me. I felt this feeling; I can only call love that knows no boundary of time, space or consciousness. It covers everything that has been, is and will be. I’ve read it, I’ve heard it, I have intellectualized it and believed. But never have I felt it in my soul, until then. Not because we can bribe love, by our acts or control it with penance or faith. It’s just because we ARE and It loves us all no matter what.
I looked at Grandma and asked her, 'What about those who have committed horrible acts against children and other humans?' I continued, 'What about those who are evil at heart lie, steal, cheat and what is it that they deserve, the same thing as those who try to be good people?' (I had some personal issues I was dealing with and there were headlines in the news of acts of people like Osama Bin Laden and other stuff). I said to the light as if it would answer, 'What is the point then, what would people do if we knew this?' My grandmother was devout in her faith. She was faithful to our church; we belonged to the same church. My family was heavily involved in our church. My father was a minister and rector of our congregation. One of my immediate family members was always doing some service activity for the church or our congregation. I was even on the path of entering the ministry. Even though I had turned from this path many years before, the core values were still there. She wouldn’t lie to me. I trusted this woman and believed would tell me the truth. She was the only one of a few people in my entire life, I had no resentment to, had done no harm to me my entire life. Grandma always loved me unconditionally and all I felt from her was love. I had some personal pain issues, resentments about other illusions needing to be released.

I leaned closer to her and whispered like no one could us. 'Is this or are we here Grandma because of our church? Or the way we believed or our Faith?' She looked at me and smiled, and said so sweetly, 'Son, it’s not about this place. There is only one time we have in our presence, in our reality, in our time. This is the only time, you are you. We suffer for what we do, while we are here. We have our consequences for what we DO while we live. We are loved. We don’t get judged here. We don’t suffer here. Our time was a gift.' ….

What intelligence is directing this? It was like this whole thing is alive. We are a part of this creation that is so magnificent; we have no words in our language to express it. She looked at me and said, 'We suffer for how we are being here when we separated our Being or Spirit from the one Truth and created a False Reality we feel pain. We separate our connection to this power. Our pain is directly proportionate to the level of separation of our Spirit from here, son.' 'We all have it and we all are built with it.' …

Then visions of my life and others who appeared of how we separated or cut-off our lives, love and our only one time we have here in this time and space. I saw how we’ve wasted it with petty crap, hatred, war, abuse of control and power, lies, and hurting others. We have spent that time, being so separated from love and our truth that we have taken it from others because we can’t stand that they may have it and we don’t. I saw that we have created false truths and realities because we loathe what we think is the truth. We have nearly, if not completely, ruined our lives, hearts, minds, and souls to keep feeding the illusions. We keep this false love and reality alive, just to do it. We have given our bodies away for validation and approval, and our soul just to feel better. If we can’t heal and return to love here where it counts, when we don’t own and atone for our mistakes, we keep the separation going and the pain we feel gets worse and the more desperate we become to cover it up.

Yet, I saw that for me, for us to return to that source, love, to the place where it all began, we had to do just that; Face the truth of where it all began. We need to see the trail that was behind what we thought was the truth. I saw how we fear; so much fear. As I did, I felt the sun behind my grandmother get warmer, brighter and stronger. I could feel a love and comfort I can’t put to words radiating from it. I felt a humbleness and honor that I don’t know how to express radiate from this source, I was forgiven.