Evolution of love

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

I looked up, to see what was happening, then everything was a spectacle with sensations that I had never felt before. I saw a small yellow fine circle so intense that it attracted me. Also, my natural curiosity made me go in to see what was behind it.
My curiosity turned into desire, I wanted to go into it. But as much as I tried I wasn't able to speed up my journey. Anxious and trying to go in, I managed to penetrate slowly into this small space. It was as if it was a silk thread; soft and delicate.

To lift my head and shoulders, as I believed that I would finally be able to live in the light that was within, it stopped in the middle of my body and filled every part of my body. I became blinded and was in complete ecstasy. I breathed deeply, to fill myself completely with this amazing sensation. I didn't want, didn't need anything else. I had arrived at the end, the final destination, there wasn't any way that there could be any more love than this, I felt it, I knew it, and I enjoyed it enormously.

No pleasure, feeling of peace, harmony, fullness or ecstasy could describe the sensation of being embraced by this light that filled me with this complete love. There were not sufficient words. I could see, hear, feel and perceive everything without moving from this tree that made me float. It was as if everything was as one. Everything was connected. I had the ability to be everywhere at the same time and to communicate myself with everyone without saying anything. I felt completely loved accepted, without any conflict or confusion. It was like being at home with the whole of the family of creation.

Without looking absolutely at anything, almost immediately I felt the stroke of a hand on the upper part of my head. In this moment I was flooded with an unimaginable love. I was filled with ecstasy. At this moment when the hand touched my head, I heard a gentle, beautiful, almost mystical voice which said to me, ‘Stay calm and go in peace. Do everything that I have asked you.’

I wanted to ask, understand, investigate more but in this instant I began my journey back. I returned seeing the layers of branches but really quickly. There was no way to enjoy them. I wanted to but could only go back in this violent way. I didn't want to return from this beautiful experience which was so nice, and that I liked so much.

Why do I have to return if I was able to rest at last? For what reason are they waking me up? Why are they bothering me? I asked myself constantly.

Again I saw myself far away in the hospital bed and the doctors surrounding my body trying to resuscitate me. In an instant, I was in my body. My head went round and round. I again felt pain, anguish, and anger. The dizziness stopped me locating myself in time and space. I opened my eyes and saw lots of doctors around me trying to resuscitate me. I felt a great heat in the chest from the electric shock they had used to try and get the cardiac rhythm back. In this moment I heard the doctors shouting.

‘No! I don't want to return, Leave me in peace!’ I shouted inwardly without anyone hearing me.

I was desperate. I didn't want to be here. I asked myself once again, why they had woken me up if finally, I had slept after battling to breathe. It was as if nobody cared what I wanted. Everyone wanted to bring me back to this place where everything hurt, and I could barely breathe. I felt that hours had passed here, without a doubt it had only been some minutes. My body had resisted and had once more been in cardiac arrest.

The doctors seemed to lose control and they shouted in a loud voice, ‘She's back, again with us. She's gone! She's gone! Try again.’

I fought to return to where I had been for some seconds. There was no reason to stay here, where there had been so much pain and suffering I just wanted to return to this light, this love, and this instant. I wanted to feel this immense love and fullness that I had felt. No one heard my inner cries. It was incredible that no one cared what I thought. I couldn't think of my daughter, my husband, my parents, or my family. All was left behind, in importance after having lived in this peace and restfulness. I felt that they would be well, I didn't worry anymore.

‘Leave me in peace! I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go back! Please! Let me go!’ I said inside myself.

After a battle of around an hour, with electric shocks and cardiopulmonary resuscitation's, they managed to re-establish my heart beat. I came back. I was here again in the hospital, full of tubes, sounds, respirators, and a large group of doctors around me. Little by little they moved away, there remained only the guard of the two nurses, that always had to be here, and a cardiologist who stayed with me the rest of the night.