Evolution of love

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

It was Halloween, 1971. I was on the back of a motorcycle, heading out towards McDonald’s for lunch with a young man. All he had going for him was that he owned a motorcycle.
I was new to bike riding. The leaning thing was counter-intuitive to me like to lean the direction the bike was leaning. I learned the hard way not to lean the wrong direction.

We came around a curve when the bike seemed to lean too much to the left. I found out later we had hit an oil slick. My instinct was to lean to the right. This was probably a good thing because otherwise I would have been pinned under the bike in oncoming traffic. I remember flying through the air and seeing the guardrail coming up awfully fast. After that, everything went black and I could hear a high-pitched bell-like white noise.

There was no light where I was, but I could see a very thin, very large crescent come into my field of view. It got smaller and smaller until I recognized what it was; the backside of the Earth.

I began to 'float' in front of it until I was looking at the daylit side. It got smaller and smaller as some unseen force drew me away from it. It was much like what I suspect a tractor beam would feel like on Star Trek.

I turned around to be drawn forward not backward, and that’s when I saw all the heavens. I saw the stars, the nebula', the nov', the dust clouds, the galaxies, the planets, and the sun. All of it was in 3-D! It was alive and moving, not static like in the pictures from the Hubble. It was so much to take in and all so incredibly beautiful.

As I was drawn 'forward', to what end I couldn’t know. I realized a few things.

(1) This was real, as real as anything I had ever experienced. I’m a lucid dreamer so I know when I’m dreaming. This was no dream.

(2) The answer to the big question, 'Why are we here?' is 'Why not? It’s a good idea,' or better yet, 'Because.' That’s really it.

I noticed I began to be drawn faster and faster. The stars began to move past me at a faster rate until they became streaks of light. Then they started to blink out until I found myself in total darkness again. I wasn’t scared because it was a comforting, maternal kind of place that made me feel safe.

Then I noticed, far, far away, a little speck of light, like a single light from a farmhouse set way back from the freeway. Then it was closer and I could tell it was golden. It kept coming closer, then closer; this went on for about 8-10 jumps. I heard 'Boom, boom, boom.' and the next thing I knew I was right next to it. It was a golden cloud that was 'boiling'; it looked like pictures I’ve seen since of the surface of the sun.

The next instant I was inside the cloud. I was floating down a large hallway, maybe 20x20. There were people there, but I didn’t recognize anyone, fading in and out of the cloud walls. I seemed to be floating over the heads of a LOT of people on a level right below me. They were all in white and seemed to be content. I think these were Mormons.

As I floated along, I remember one man in particular who was standing off to the left in a bend in the hallway. I asked him where I was, and he kind of chuckled and said, 'Just keep going. Go on down to the front.'

So I did. When I got to the end of the hallway, I met a guy that looked like a concierge in a hotel, working behind a desk. He looked up at me with a rather perturbed expression on his face, and he thought, 'What are you doing here?'

I said, 'I don't know; I'm just here. This is where the people back there,' pointing over my shoulder to those hanging out, 'told me to come.'

He shrugged, furrowed his brow, and thought, 'Well, wait a minute. Let me check something.'

While he was checking, I looked behind him and realized we weren't in a tunnel at all; we were in a cave and he was at the entrance. Behind him was a beautiful landscape, a hillside with sparkling trees and flowers and a brook, the most beautiful, peaceful place I had ever seen. Then I saw people sitting in lotus positions on the hillside, facing to my left. A great light began pulsing on them.

I was curious, so while this guy had his head down, looking at something, a computer perhaps, I snuck around the corner to see what was going on. I walked into what appeared to be a very large (30 feet say) presence that exuded love and innocence. It just seemed to be full of so much joy it couldn't contain it, and so it pulsed, and it felt really good. It flooded through me like water through a sieve. It was interesting, stunning, awe-inspiring, and all such words.

I tried to get closer. I realized the presence was on an island, surrounded by a pool of liquid. When I stepped into the liquid, all that was 'Jill' disappeared. 'I' no longer existed and yet 'I' was still there. I was the essence of life, I guess. I don't know what else to call it. I was conscious of my surroundings. I had joined with all the other consciousness in the pool and had become one with it. I 'knew' all other life in the pool; I was 'one' with everything. I was home.

Then I was back.

The guy had pulled me back to the front of the desk. Breathlessly, I asked, 'What was THAT?'

He said, 'Don't worry about that. Don't even think about it.'

I said, 'But … but … I want to go back.'

'Nope.'

'But --'

The next thing I knew I was back outside the gold tunnel. As I was being repelled from the cloud, I could hear the 'clerk' say, 'Don’t worry.' I hoped he meant, 'Don’t worry; you can come back.' I retraced all the footsteps I had gone through in space to get to it in the first place. 'Big whoop' I thought as I saw the heavens that had just moments before struck me dumb by their beauty.

I was very downhearted after that. I tried to tell people about it, but everyone thought I was crazy or on drugs (which I wasn't at the time, by the way).

I found it interesting that the people who gave me the hardest time about my re-telling were self-professed Christians. I never understood that.

Anyway, I call the guy behind the desk Howard. That's because that's what Jesus said God's name was. 'Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.' I know it's a bad joke but he doesn't seem to mind.

To this day, he and I talk. He is always there for me, even when I turn my back. I don’t get it. He must have done something really goofy to be my caseworker.