Fighting For A Life Worth Living

The Dreaded Spare Tire

I remember being in high school and Selena and I would compare bellies. We were both overweight and it was nice to have a companion who shared your pain. One day I stated that I hated having big boobs and a big belly. She told me I was lucky that my stomach was more so wide and it was fairly flat. She then grabbed her own stomach fat and said," At least you don't have a spare tire." For the first time in my life I feel like I have a spare tire.

Today the company I have previously applied too called and asked if I would be able to come into the office for a meeting with one of the mentors. She told me it wasn't a second interview, but it totally was. The second interview went just as well as the first one and by the end of the interview they had hired me as a caregiver. My husband and I had agreed that once I got a new job we would celebrate. Wanting to turn a new leaf I decided I did not want to celebrate with food, but wanted to go shopping for a special outfit instead. Before we left for the mall I could tell my husband was not impressed with my idea of celebrating. I knew he was expecting to go out to eat and now I had a tough decision to make. I did not know what to do. I could celebrate by eating out or I could go shopping and have a nice outfit to remember my celebration by. I ended up combining both ideas. We went shopping and I made out like a bandit, 3 special tops, 3 pairs of shorts, and a dress. What can I say I like to shop! Then I was going to go to the grocery store and get a cookie or cupcakes. We ended up going to the store and getting a cookie and then ordering pizza. Knowing I was disappointing my husband took away some of my happiness and to make matter worse I almost had to go up a size in clothing because I feel as though my boobs have had a growth spurt and do not wish to fit in tops correctly. I also feel I am bloated, my belly never goes past my boobs and right now I look like a pregnant lady without a sweet bundle of joy. I can not wait for the day when these issues are things of the past.

I am also thinking too much right now. I can't help but question my abilities to get healthy. Do I have the strength to break these habits so I can live a good long life?