Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

Takis Lives Matter - I THINK NOT!

In case you are unfamiliar with the topic of this blog, here is your vocabulary lesson:

Takis Snacks by Barcel are tortilla snacks that resemble rolled tacos; this crunchy snack is coated with salsa and seasoned with lemon powder. They come in four flavors with varying heat intensities: Fuego (Hot Chili Pepper & Lemon), Salsa Brava (Hot Sauce), Takis Nitro (Habanero & Lime) and Crunchy Fajita (Taco Flavored).

I hate them. Not the taste of them, mind you - actually, I'm not even sure if I've had them, but, in general I love spicy. But, I hate Takis!

'Why?' you may be asking. Because of my 6th grade homeroom class this year (though I still love them - the kids NOT TAKIS).

I realize I'm one of those weird teachers that likes the students' minds to be working while I try to torture them with knowledge that they have convinced themselves they will never use. And while it's true that it probably won't help them get to level 48 on Call of Duty, I like to pretend they will use it at sometime in their young lives. After all, it is...English!

So, anyway I let them eat so their brain has some sort of fuel other than the energy drink they got at 7/11 for breakfast. My rules are simple (at least to me):

1. Don't ask people for food
2. Don't smack or eat with your mouth open
3. Pick up your trash and any mess
4. It can't require utensils to eat (This rule was added on a couple of years ago when a student brought a bowl of spaghetti)
5. You aren't leaving the room to get a drink so you better bring water if you have salivary glands.
6. Basically, don't interrupt the lesson

Well, 6th graders are addicted to Takis. It is like steak to a starving dog; marijuana to a 70's hippie, chocolate to a woman with PMS, late fees to the cable company. They lose any common sense they once had despite my expectations regarding food being continually reminded to the point of offensive redundancy. They will suck the spices off them to make them last longer. I saw a kid pay $2.00 for two Taki chips, not bags. . . just 2 pieces. I've seen a kids puke from gorging on the sauce.

They sneak them, they sell them, their breath smells disgusting, they burn their taste buds off, and their hands are filthier than normal.

Well, one day I lost it. I was attempting to discuss something of importance I'm sure and everyone was looking at one student who was counting out his Takis on his desk - I'm sure to see if he would earn enough money after sales for a PlayStation 4. Keep in mind, up to this point I had taken Takis away for the week as a punishment, taken snacks away for the number of days as wrappers were left out, etc.

So, like any sane teacher, I screamed: "NO MORE TAKIS! IN THIS CLASS EVER! I REFUSE TO COMPETE WITH A FOOD PRODUCT THAT SMELLS HORRENDOUS AND I'M QUITE SURE IS WHAT IS LEADING TO THE GASEOUS FUMES LATER IN THE DAY!" I think I said more than that but at one point as I noticed their mouths (and takis coated tongues) hanging open in shock and I realized I was losing my cool over a snack food.

I have to give it to the kids. . . they did learn something - when you think a woman has gone psycho have the sense not to mention it.

I thought this was the end of it. (The Takis Drama, not my career) But, noooooo! Later that day, I found probably one of the neatest, well-thought out posters on my desk. I mean it was colorful, things were spelled correctly, there was a border! My heart was so proud. . .until I actually read it.

Takis Lives Matter!

I did smile at the creativity, so they thought they had me. Poor, silly kids. They looked at me with angelic smiles with a hint of winning in their eyes. I looked back at them and smiled.

"Do we get Takis privileges back, Mrs. Branson?" asked the designated speaker.

I met each students' eyes, letting the moment linger - the possibility of triumph. And then I squashed their dreams like a cockroach on the Thanksgiving table.

"It's either me or the Takis - and I'm the only one voting. So you figure it out."

Several of them were confused. Apparently, they hadn't learned what a dictatorship was.

They know now.

Whatever Happened to Funyuns,
Audra