Memories of Snow

NaNoWriMo Day17: Evening and Morning Thoughts (WC:2059)

Istijlál (Majesty), 15 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Wednesday, November 16, 2016 AD about 7:30 PM Pacific Standard Time

Evening Thoughts

Something has changed in my life this year. I'm not sure what, but I'm sure it's for the better. I still worry about stuff, but I'm getting a little better. I'm improving or at least I think I'm improving. I'm looking more at the way my actions reflect my beliefs. I still have difficulty with some old habits; habits that don't reflect my beliefs or perhaps I should say the new me. I'm 69 years and in either fair or poor health. I'm not sure which at the moment.

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday 10:30 AM to discuss a cough I have. The cough isn't constant, but it's a bit irritating and becoming more irritating. It occurs either at night or in the morning. When it occurs at night it wakes me up. If I take a sip of water that will sometimes help. Taking a sip of any type of liquid helps. I suspect the cough is the results of a allergy, but I'm not sure what type of allergy. For a while I thought I was allergic to weed, but no one has smoked any weed in front of the house at night for several day. No one smoke it inside my apartment, so I don't know what is causing the problem.

I suppose it could be tobacco, I know that De sometimes smokes in her room, but I don't see how that would affect me. I sleep in the living room on a recliner which helps my back (at least most of the time). There has to be something causing me to cough at the specific times when the coughing occurs. I'll find out when I see the doctor or the nurse practitioner. Most of the time when I go to the office it's the nurse practitioner I see rather than the doctor.

I have other physical issues that cause me problems. I have financial issues that cause me problems. I need to pay the power bill and I don't have any money to pay it. I've asked my sister for money the last few months, but I'm hesitant to ask her this month. I think part of this comes from the conversation we had on the phone when she was drunk. Then there is the dream I had in which she wouldn't help me, but everyone else did. Maybe I should ask someone else for help. The problem is that I can't continue to ask for help every time I have financial difficulties. I have to solve this issue myself somehow.

I'm rambling. I used to keep a pen and paper journal, but I haven't did that in a long time. I put a bunch of them in storage. I don't know what Faye did with the those boxes, so I may not have them anymore. That all right (well it's not all right, but there isn't anything I can do about it) I have to learn to let go of the past. I have to past everything in God's hand and get on with my life. I need to place everything in God's hand and forgive.

I have to learn to forgive myself and others. Once I learn to forgive then I think my writing will change. I also have to make myself do what I'm afraid to do which is finish editing that novel. This is the first time I admitted (in writing) that I'm afraid to edit what I've written. I know I should be editing instead of writing this, but I can't help myself. If I don't write then I will play some silly online game such as mahjong. I think I'm addicted to mahjong. Perhaps I'm not. Maybe I just play it to have something to do instead of doing what I'm afraid to do which is to edit the novel.

I just signed a petition to ask members of Congress to stop Donald Trump's appointment of Steve Bannon as the White House chief strategist and senior counsel. I'm not sure how much good it will do because I suspect Trump has already decided who he's going to appoint and already has the votes in Congress to make it happen. I guess it's not going to hurt signing the petition and even if it does I'm sure God will take care of things. I can't continue to be afraid. I have to do what I think is right no matter what. I have to learn to stand up for myself and state what I believe without fear.

You know, I think part of my problem is overthinking. Overthinking leads to worrying. Worrying leads to fear. Fear leads to procrastination. I say my prayers. Maybe I don't say enough prayers. I got out of the habit of saying prayers at night. I recited only the evening prayer before going to sleep or at least attempting to go to sleep. There was a time if I couldn't sleep I would turn the light on and say prayers or get up and write. I don't do any of that anymore. I have to get back into the routine of saying prayers or witing if I can't sleep instead of lying in my recliner and fantasizing.

Well, my cough has started again. Sometimes I cough up phlegm and sometimes I don't. Tonight my nose is stopped up, so I think I'm going to use some of the nose drops the doctor prescribed for me. I'll see if that helps. I don't think I have a cold. At least I don't feel like I have one. I don't have a fever. I do sneeze sometimes, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the stopped up nose or the cough. I think I'm allergic to something in the air. Maybe I'm getting an allergy to the twenty-first century (at least I still have my sense of humor).

I'm glad I have a sense of humor. Sometimes it's weird and sometimes it's dark, but at least it’s a sense of humor. As long as I can laugh at life and myself then I'll be alright. I'm going to have to close tonight's session pretty quick because I have to post the Stop message for The Blogging Group of Friends. I might also have to post the prompt for tomorrow because I don't think Lyn has posted it yet and it's almost 11:30 Eastern Time. I'm not sure what I'll post if I have to post the prompt.

I'm running out of prompt ideas. No, that's not quite true. The problem is coming up with interesting prompts. Some of the prompts I come up with is interesting and some aren't. At least I don't think they are, but I could be wrong about that because my inner critic could be rearing its ugly head on this subject. I'm going to copy and paste this into the Day 17 document and then see if I can find a prompt to post.

Istijlál (Majesty), 15 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Thursday, November 17, 2016 AD about 8:33 AM Pacific Standard Time

Morning Thoughts

It's a chilly autumn morning here in Las Vegas. The problems is that it feels cold to me. I put on a sweatshirt, but I think I'll have to put on one of my hoodies over it because I feel cold. This is one of the disadvantages of getting old. Chilly weather feels cold and cold weather feels freezing. I missed the online survey interview because it was yesterday. I'm not sure if I have to worry about my memory or I just got so involved with something else that it slipped my mind.

Thinking back to yesterday morning, I realize now that I was at Smiths Food & Drug store picking up a prescription. I didn't leave until after 9:00 AM so there is no way I could have gotten back to the house by 10:00 AM. I'll have to watch things like that closer from now on. I think instead of just leaving e-mails about online survey interviews or other similar stuff in the e-mail box, I'll print it off. That way I know when it occurs and can put it on my calendar.

This morning I feel a little more confident about my financial problems. I'm not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the weird and scattered dreams I had last night. I can't remember the entire episode, but I do remember that Mom and some other people were there encouraging me about something. I think Tom and Frank were in the dream, but I don't remember Faye being in it. Most of the dream left when I woke up to the fact that I was cold.

Last night I went to bed wearing a summer nightshirt. Tonight I think I'll wear my pajamas. They are warmer and have long sleeves. I could wear the flannel nightgown, but I think I'll keep it until the nights get colder than what they are now. The biggest problems with the temperature last night and this morning is the wind. We have a windchill factor for the first time this year. I haven't check the weather on T.V. or online, but I know (or think) by the way I feel that it has to make the temperature at least ten degrees colder than what it really is.

I did some surveys this morning. I checked my g-mail inbox and did all the surveys in it. Today I have to do some Vindale surveys and maybe an I-Say survey. I have to build the points and dollars up in those account.s If I have $50.00 in the Vindale account by November 30 then I can request money sent to my PayPal account. I'm not going to rant about surveys taking so long with so little reward because ranting doesn't do any good. I chose to do the surveys, so the best thing for me to do is do them and collect the money. I plan to get out of some surveys after January 1, 2017, but right now I don't know which ones.

I know that I have a lot to be grateful for so I shouldn't rant about something I can't do anything about. I keep reminding myself that I have placed everything in God's hands. I know my life seems out of control (to me), but I don't think that's true. I've found the money or received the money when I need it. I just have to keep the faith and keep on keeping on.

I'll have to purchase a pair of support stocking sometime between today and New Year's Day. The old pair is no longer working the way the should. The new pair I have is now too tight when I put them on. The next time I purchase a pair, I'll purchase extra large because I think that's what I need. I can wear the old pair when I wear my knee braces. I still have to figure out how tight to make the knee braces so that they don't come loose when I'm wearing them.

The next three days are going to be busy. That means I'll have a lot to write about. Tomorrow, Friday, I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss my cough. I suppose it could be a cold, but the cough only occurs at certain time of the night or day. On Saturday, we're going to pick up a turkey and other Thanksgiving stuff. I hope they give us some yams or sweet potatoes because I have an desire for baked sweet potatoes. Then on Sunday, there is a spiritual service at the Baha'I Center. The service is at 2:00 pm. I hope I can get back to the house before dark. I'm going to the service because I enjoy hearing the sacred scriptures read.

I think that's all of this morning's thoughts. I need to close this now and get on with something else. I may start another document to contain the blog entries responding to the blog prompts I received today. I also have to check the Blogger of the Week Announcement/Ballot to figure out who the winner is.