Memories of Snow

NaNoWriMo Day13: Various Subjects and Spirituality (WC:2330)

Jamál (Beauty), 11 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Sunday, November 13, 2016 AD about 10:51 AM Pacific Standard Time

Automatic writing:
Morning Session - Covering Various Subjects

Thirteen days into NaNo and I still have a lot of things I need to write about. I don't think I've dealt with some of the issues I planned to deal with in this year's NaNoWriMo session. I have to get to part of those today. I've noticed that one of my problems, which I think I've mentioned before, is worrying. I worry and then have difficulty writing about anything. I also sit down to write and find that my Inner Critic keeps telling me I have nothing to write about or that I can't think of anything. This is a lie because I know I have a lot to write about, but I think that the problems is fear. There are some things I'm afraid to write about.

The fear goes away when I prayer or intone God's Most Great Name so I need to focus on that when I'm making entries for NaNoWriMo or for that matter anything else. One of the physical problems I have is an overactive bladder. This causes issues when I go to write because when I get up to go to the bathroom I sometime forget what I was writing about. I don't think I'm as healthy as I think I am sometimes. Then again I could be healthier then I think I am. I'll have to write more about this later because now I want to get to some of the questions from the past week that I haven't dealt with as yet.

I was going to start this writing session with the title "The Time of year for memories ". I didn't because I didn't check the title I had decided on. This may be one reason I haven't gotten to the questions I wanted to answer in November 2016. I've been starting out a writing session by just sitting down, opening a document and beginning to write. If I don't complete the 2000 words in the first writing session of the day then I look for other topics, but I don't check the topics I decided on in October.

I usually get 2000 words written, but it takes me more than one session a day to do so. Sometimes I just sit down and free write without thinking about what I write. This is good, but sometimes it upsets my Inner Critic. Maybe I should stop using uppercase letters when referring to my inner critic because the capital letters gives her power. I don't want to give my inner critic any more power then she already has. In fact I'd like to remove some of the power she has over my writing. An inner critic is a good thing to have as long as you keep her on a tight leash.

I seem to be doing a good job with automatic writing this morning. I got this idea from a journal article I perused in late October. The only thing I haven't did so far today is ask questions and then begin writing on them. I've did this before and it's a good way to clear your mind. All you do is ask a question and then begin writing on the subject. I know this isn't what some people refer to as automatic writing, but it's the way I refer to one of the processes of finding a subject or a theme for journaling, poetry, and novels.

I've been a bit worried about my memory lately. There are something I don't have problems remember while I have difficulty remembering other things. One of the issues I've discovered I'm dealing with is spelling. I've never been a great speller, but normally I can spell the big words that I use. However, lately I've been searching for the spelling to words I should know. I'm wondering if it's just a normal part of aging or if there is something else wrong.

I know if I get tired I seem to lose it quicker than I did when I was younger. There was a time when being tired didn't impare my mental faculties very much, but that isn't the case today. Being tired causes me to have difficulty adding numbers and remember how to spell words. Is that a normal part of aging or is it a sign of dementia. There I word the word that I've been avoiding using in reference to myself. I'm terrified I'll end up with Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia. I watched Mom die of Alzheimer's and it isn't an easy or pretty (why did I chose that word) death.

I miss Mama so much sometimes that I want to cry. I want to cry right now. Sometimes I don't know how I survive without Mom. I know she is looking down on me from the Abha Kingdom. I know she comes to me in my dreams. I'm sure some of my dreams are Mom's way of telling me to let go of the past. I have difficulty letting go. I've always had difficulty letting go.

I think I'm going to close this part of today's entry, get another cup of coffee and see what I've got to finish on writing.com. I know I need to do a few reviews today. I wonder if I need to clean out an e-mail box as well. I'm also getting a bit sleepy. This happens every day about this time. I think it's because it's so close to noon. Perhaps it's because I need to check my cox.net or g-mail inboxes. I keep my g-mail inbox cleaner than I do my Cox.net inbox.

About 12:42 PM Pacific Standard Time

Automatic writing:
Afternoon Session - Spirituality

What connotations and images does the word “spirituality” have to you? How were you raised to think and believe, and do you reject or embrace those beliefs? Do you think there is such as thing as a spirit or soul? Write your reasons for your beliefs.1

What connotations and images does the word “spirituality” have to me? Spirituality is the feeling I get when I intone God's Most Great Name. It is the flow of the Holy Spirit when I hear the sacred writings that were revealed by The Bab, Baha'u'llah, or 'Abdu'l-Baha read at a Holy Day celebration or at a nineteen day Feast. It is the Holy Spirit whispering to my soul.

How was I raised to think and believe? I was raised as a Southern Baptist in a little town in northern Oklahoma. The Southern Baptist belief was and is that Christ is the only way to God. That if a person doesn't accept Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior then he or she is going to hell. At the time I was growing up in Blackwell the Southern Baptist belief was that blacks and whites should be segreated in everything they did including worship of God.

Did I reject or embrace the beliefs I was taught as a child? I put away childish things, as the Bible, says. I continued to believe in the existence of God as the creator of the Universe and the Earth. I didn't rejected Christ, instead I rejected the idea that He was the only way to God. After much search I found the Baha'I Faith and accepted the three onenesses: (1) The Oneness of God, (2) The Oneness of Humanity, and (3) The basic Oneness of Religion. I did this when I accepted Baha'u'llah as the Promised one of all religions; as a Messenger sent by God and the spiritual return of all the Prophets, Messenger, or Manifestations gone before.

Do I think there is such a thing as a spirit or soul? I know that there is a spirit or soul. I know this because the sacred writings of the Baha'I Faith tells me this. I know because I can feel the existence of my soul whenever I say prayers or intone the worlds of the Sacred Books. I especially feel my soul when I read the scriptures revealed by Baha'u'llah and the Bab. I can feel the presence of my soul when I watch a sunset or a moonrise.

Proof of God and of the existence of the soul is something each individual must find for him or herself. What is proof for one person isn't proof for another. A person has to be spiritually open to the idea of the existence of God. The soul of an individual already believes and accepts the existence of God and the soul, but sometimes material and physical life comes between the soul and its creator. This means that the person can reject the existence of both and this is detrimental to the soul which continues to exist no matter what the physical person or rather ego believes. Each human being has the free will to either accept or reject God and the existence of the spirit or soul.

Is it important to focus on soul or spirit in my life? Why?2

Is it important to focus on soul or spirit in my life? Why? It's important to develop the attributes of the spirit because these are the only things that go with us after death. Once the soul and body separate then the soul ascends into the next world. In order for it to live a good life after its separation from the body it needs a way to get around and clothes to wear. If it hasn't developed spiritual attribute while living on the material plain then the soul will be deformed, naked, and unable to get around in the world of the spirit.

A person develops spiritual attributes by living each day. During the course of a person's life he or she is given opportunities and tests to help the soul develop and exercise its attributes or abilities. A person can chose to either develop these or ignore them by letting the ego rather the spirit make the decisions. If a person chooses to feed the ego then the soul is deprived and it's the soul that survives death. Humans have dual natures. We have a physical body, which is part of the animal creation, and a spiritual soul, which is a gift from God.

In developing his or her spiritual attributes, sometimes it's ask to things that the ego doesn't want to do. In these cases the person should choose the action that develops the soul. The person doesn't always choose the path of the soul, which means it's not developing the attributes it needs to survive and live in the next world.

The things that assist the soul in developing spiritual attributes are prayer, fasting, giving to others, meditation, and passing spiritual tests. I'm sure there are other things that can help the individual in his or her quest for spirituality, but I haven't ran across them yet. In addition, those of us still living on the material or physical plain can help those who have passed beyond. We help others by performing good deeds in their name, giving money to charities in their name, and saying prayers for the departed. I suspect there might be other things we can do to help them, but I don't know what they are at the moment.

Write about a moment in my life in which I felt connected spiritually. Where was I? What happened and what came of that moment?3

Was there a moment in my life where I felt connected spiritually? The first time I remember feeling connected spiritually was in a Baha'I Feast. Mom and I attended a Feast at the Baha'I Center just after the center was dedicated. I sat in the congregation listening to the sacred writings being read by different people. I could feel the Holy Spirit flowing through the building. Flowing from person to person as if we were all parts of a coral reef. We (the audience) were the polyps inside the coal sticking our heads out of the coral to glean food from the surrounding ocean water.

What was the results of that moment? That moment clarified my belief that Baha'u'lalh was sent by God. Only the words of one of God's messengers could have that effect upon a person. Before that experience I wondered if I had made the right decision becoming a Baha'I. Since then I have had a moments doubt that Baha'u'llah is who he claims. Sometimes I have difficulty overcoming the bad habits I brought with me when I declared my belief in Baha'u'llah. Sometimes I have had difficulties following the laws of the faith, but I have never doubted that Baha'u'llah is the one promised by God in all the Holy Books.

Automatic Writing:
Final Thoughts for The Day

I'm ending this entry earlier then I did yesterday's entry. I discovered today that it's easier to use the automatic writing exercise when I don't think about what I'm writing. If I don't think too much about the words I'm putting down then it's easier to write from the subconscious mind. When I think about the words or the theme then I found myself echoing the words I'm writing on the paper in my mind. If I don't think about the words then my mind seems a blank, but in reality I writing from my subconscious mind. In this case my conscious mind is a blank while my words are moving across the page as my fingers move across the keyboard.

When this happens then I can write faster and more. The only problem is that I tend to wander from topic to topic, which may be a good thing. Depending on the subject and what I'm writing. I don't know any other way to explain it. Maybe this isn't the proper explanation, but it's the only one I can find at the moment.

Footnotes
1  http://writingthroughlife.com/7-journaling-prompts-for-exploring-spirituality/
2  ibid
3  ibid