Plot Generator by Marzipan Cheshire

Grotesque Serial Killer

Grotesque Serial Killer

A Screenplay by Marzipan Cheshire
INT. EARTHPORT - AFTERNOON

Sweet Medical Student MR ICHABOD CRANE is arguing with Plump Socialite MISS ALICE TETCH. ICHABOD tries to hug ALICE but she shakes him off.

ICHABOD
Please Alice, don't leave me.
ALICE
I'm sorry Ichabod, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
ICHABOD
I am such a person!
ALICE frowns.

ALICE
I'm sorry, Ichabod. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
ALICE leaves.

ICHABOD sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, Dainty Cook MISS MARZIPAN CHESHIRE barges in looking flustered.

ICHABOD
Goodness, Marzipan! Is everything okay?
MARZIPAN
I'm afraid not.
ICHABOD
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
MARZIPAN
It's ... a Serial Killer ... I saw an evil Serial Killer Eat a bunch of Humanimal Cubs!
ICHABOD
Defenseless Humanimal Cubs?
MARZIPAN
Yes, defenseless Humanimal Cubs!
ICHABOD
Bloomin' heck, Marzipan! We've got to do something.
MARZIPAN
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
ICHABOD
You can start by telling me where this happened.
MARZIPAN
I was...
MARZIPAN fans herself and begins to wheeze.

ICHABOD
Focus Marzipan, focus! Where did it happen?
MARZIPAN
The Old Catacombs! That's right - The Old Catacombs!
ICHABOD springs up and begins to run.


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

ICHABOD rushes along the street, followed by MARZIPAN. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


INT. THE OLD CATACOMBS - SHORTLY AFTER

LYLE BOLTON a Grotesque Serial Killer terrorises two Humanimal Cubs.

ICHABOD, closely followed by MARZIPAN, rushes towards LYLE, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

MARZIPAN
What is is? What's the matter?
ICHABOD
That's not just any old Serial Killer, that's Lyle Bolton!
MARZIPAN
Who's Lyle Bolton?
ICHABOD
Who's Lyle Bolton? Who's Lyle Bolton? Only the most Grotesque Serial Killer in the universe!
MARZIPAN
Blinkin' knickers, Ichabod! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most Grotesque Serial Killer in the universe!
ICHABOD
You can say that again.
MARZIPAN
Blinkin' knickers, Ichabod! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most Grotesque Serial Killer in the universe!
ICHABOD
I'm going to need Sythes, lots of Sythes.
Lyle turns and sees Ichabod and Marzipan. He grins an evil grin.

LYLE
Ichabod Crane, we meet again.
MARZIPAN
You've met?
ICHABOD
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young ICHABOD is sitting in a park listening to some Classical music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees LYLE. He takes off his headphones.

LYLE
Would you like some Fruit?
ICHABOD's eyes light up, but then he studies LYLE more closely, and looks uneasy.

ICHABOD
I don't know, you look kind of Grotesque.
LYLE
Me? No. I'm not Grotesque. I'm the least Grotesque Serial Killer in the world.
ICHABOD
Wait, you're a Serial Killer?
ICHABOD runs away, screaming.


INT. THE OLD CATACOMBS - PRESENT DAY

LYLE
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
MARZIPAN
(To ICHABOD) You ran away?
ICHABOD
(To MARZIPAN) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
ICHABOD turns to LYLE.

ICHABOD
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
ICHABOD runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

ICHABOD
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Sythes.
LYLE
I'm not scared of you.
ICHABOD
You should be.

EXT. THE EDENLANDS - LATER THAT DAY

ICHABOD and MARZIPAN walk around searching for something.

ICHABOD
I feel sure I left my Sythes somewhere around here.
MARZIPAN
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Sythes.
ICHABOD
You know nothing Marzipan Cheshire.
MARZIPAN
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, LYLE appears, holding a pair of Sythes.

LYLE
Looking for something?
MARZIPAN
Crikey, Ichabod, he's got your Sythes.
ICHABOD
Tell me something I don't already know!
MARZIPAN
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
ICHABOD
I know that already!
MARZIPAN
I flunked Math Class!!!.
LYLE
(appalled) Dude!
While LYLE is looking at MARZIPAN with disgust, ICHABOD lunges forward and grabs his deadly Sythes. He wields them, triumphantly.

ICHABOD
Prepare to die, you Grotesque Rutabega!
LYLE
No please! All I did was Eat a bunch of Humanimal Cubs!
ALICE enters, unseen by any of the others.

ICHABOD
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those Humanimal Cubs were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Ichabod Crane defender of innocent Humanimal Cubs.
LYLE
Don't hurt me! Please!
ICHABOD
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Sythes on you right away!
LYLE
Because Ichabod, I am your father.
ICHABOD looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

ICHABOD
No you're not!
LYLE
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
LYLE tries to grab the Sythes but ICHABOD dodges out of the way.

ICHABOD
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, LYLE slumps to the ground.

MARZIPAN
Did he just faint?
ICHABOD
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Sythes.
ICHABOD crouches over LYLE's body.

MARZIPAN
Be careful, Ichabod. It could be a trick.
ICHABOD
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Lyle Bolton is dead!
ICHABOD
What?
ICHABOD
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
MARZIPAN claps her hands.

MARZIPAN
So your Sythes did save the day, after all.
ALICE steps forward.

ALICE
Is it true? Did you kill the Grotesque Serial Killer?
ICHABOD
Alice how long have you been...?
ALICE puts her arm around ICHABOD.

ALICE
Long enough.
ICHABOD
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Lyle Bolton.
ALICE
Then the Humanimal Cubs are safe?
ICHABOD
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable Humanimal Cubs enter, looking relived.

ALICE
You are their hero.
The Humanimal Cubs bow to ICHABOD.

ICHABOD
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Lyle Bolton will never Eat Humanimal Cubs ever again, is enough for me.
ALICE
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the Humanimal Cubs passes ICHABOD a Gold Ring

ALICE
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
ICHABOD
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.

ICHABOD
Well, if you insist.
ICHABOD takes the Ring.

ICHABOD
Thank you.
The Humanimal Cubs bow their heads once more, and leave.

ICHABOD turns to ALICE.

ICHABOD
Does this mean you want me back?
ALICE
Oh, Ichabod, of course I want you back!
ICHABOD smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

ICHABOD
Well you can't have me.
ALICE
WHAT?
ICHABOD
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Serial Killer to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
ALICE
But...
ICHABOD
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Marzipan.
MARZIPAN grins.

ALICE
But...
MARZIPAN
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
ALICE
Ichabod?
ICHABOD
I'm sorry Alice, but I think you should skidaddle.
ALICE leaves.

MARZIPAN turns to ICHABOD.

MARZIPAN
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
ICHABOD
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly MARZIPAN stops.

MARZIPAN
When I said I flunked Math Class!!!, you know I was just trying to distract the Serial Killer don't you?
THE END