Tis the most wonderful time of the year

21st Dec - 1st Christmas Without My Dad

This year has been equally amazing with the birth of our little girl Theia, who has brought so much love and laughter into our home, and also sad, with the sudden death of my father a month later.

This is the first Christmas without him and it’s hard.

Christmas has always been a time when the family would get together. It would be chaos. There would be arguments. But through it all my dad would be there sitting in his chair rattling sweets or winding my mum up. This year he’s not. There is no way to sugar coat it. Its crappy and I hate it.

There have been times I’ve found it hard to get into the Christmas mood. There have been highs – like Theia meeting Santa for the first time, and there have been lows – like realising I don’t need to buy my dad his favourite box of sweets. I guess that pretty much sums up my emotional state major high followed by crashing lows. It’s to be expected I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier, but I guess nothing will.

So often we get caught up in the commercialism of it all; the presents and the indulgence, that we forget that it’s not all candy canes and sugar plums. Not everyone has an amazing Christmas. Some people don’t have a Christmas, and not because it’s not part of their religion, but because they can’t. While Christmas is a celebration, it can also be lonely and isolating, especially for the elderly, the homeless, or the ill. It’s a sombre thought – made more apparent this year by my own grief.

I have already mentioned, in previous blogs, that my husband and I donate to food banks and shelters, where we can. I have found a real comfort in this this year. So much so that maybe it’s not such a selfless act anymore. Maybe I need to do more.

This year is going to be a balancing act of enjoying it for Theia and making sure she has fun, and remembering my dad. His birthday is on the 4th January so it will be a muted New Year.

It is a sad time and I need to be honest and feel it. It’s ok to be sad – even at Christmas. Maybe especially at Christmas. It’s a sign of how much he is loved and missed after all.

Remember to hug your loved ones a little closer this Christmas,