Randoms by Rach

PTSD & September

Whew. September is a busy month, both on here, and in real life (not that this isn't real life, but you know what I mean). I haven't taken part in the WDC celebrations as much as I had planned to. I really wanted to do some of the merit badge challenges, but I didn't feel like it last week. I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't. I signed up for the Masquerade Party, but haven't been able to join in. I'm really annoyed with myself about that. I did send a few lucky bags. I loved that activity. Gifting other people, just because . . . brilliant. I think that activity might still be running. I don't know. I should check.

9th September was my best friend's birthday. Nina and I have been friends since we were three, so I've celebrated a lot of birthdays with her. It always kind of freaks me out when it's her birthday because it signals just twenty-six days until mine I can't believe how quickly this year has passed. It's unbelievable. I guess that's a sign of getting older. We are going to the cinema on Friday, with our other best friend, Shell. It's been the three of us forever. We're going to see the new Bridget Jones. I'm not sure how it's going to work, but we'll see. I have to be honest, a part of me is dreading our outing. I have so much trouble leaving the house. That's my first barrier. Then, we have the cinema. I haven't been for about six years. The last three times I went, I had panic attacks, pretty much, as soon as we sat down down. Then spent the entire durations of the films trying to keep from acting like a crazy lady in front of a room full of people. So, yeah. I'm nervous about this. But I want to do it, for Nina.

17th September is my favourite aunt's birthday. So I have to take her present to her this week (which is another trip away from the house). I need to phone her to check when she'll be there. I've been wanting to ring her since the weekend. I should just do it.

21st September is nine years since my Dad died. Nine whole years since I watched him take his last, frightening breath. I hate 21st September.

So, actually, September isn't really busy when I look at it like this. Not compared to most people on here. It just feels big. I hate that. I wish I could just deal with life with ease. I wish everything wasn't a big deal. But it is. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, writing . . . I've written a massively personal account of my PTSD for the Mysteries of the Mind Contest. I've never written about it before, and this was hard as hell. I'm sharing it, although I almost didn't. In the end, I figured, I want people to understand the disorder. Because so few people really do. Big kudos to Soh ~ Luminousa for highlighting it this month.

I think that's it for now.

Choco