Poisoned Purple Pen

Neighbors from Hell

"JAFBG"   by Elisa: Snowman Stik
Prompt: Tell us about someone who needs some serious bitch slapping

Oh there are so many qualified people I could rant about for this prompt, but since my damn neighbors had to come outside and scream like the world is ending yet again, they get they honor. Fuckers!

Where to begin? The list is a mile long in the few short years they bought the house next door, tore it down, and built the ridiculous monstrosity that now adorns the corner. I used to have a great view, which is now nothing more than a friggin brick wall. If I wanted to see that I'd pick one of my own to stare at. So they built the monster house on a half acre, added a swimming pool, a basketball court, and two gazebos, because well hell, one is never enough.

When they realized that they didn't have a backyard left, they got really creative. They offered to tear down this enormous tree on my property that hangs over into theirs, and clear out everything between us, moving their fence 6 feet my way. Basically adding 6 feet of property to their yard and reducing mine. At first I said yes, because that tree is a pain in my ass, and the disaster between us grows out of control from year to year. I mean who wouldn't want a free tear down clean out and then get to see pretty evergreens as a focal point? So I came inside and was standing in the kitchen looking out, when I realized how far in they were going to be coming onto my property and had to stop that shit pronto!

Last summer someone was stealing our electric. I can just imagine they were the culprits. We are usually gone all summer so we were easy pickings. When we got home our usual bill for being away would run around $50 between gas and electric. Last summer. $200. Bastards!

So now we are home this summer, gearing up for Zs wedding at the end of the year. I bet the neighbors from hell were disappointed by that. Oh well. Anyway, they have three boys. Very loud boys. The youngest does nothing but scream and cry all day long. Spoiled little brats. And they constantly have people over for pool parties. Or just to annoy me. I'm not sure which at this point.

On 4th of July we had people over and were sitting outside. BIG MISTAKE. Those little shitheads next door bought fireworks. Thank you State of Michigan for making them legal! That was so damn sweet of you! Usually we see a lot of rain. At least a good shower once a week. Not this year. Nope, everything was dying. If you didn't run your sprinkler system at least twice a day, then you were better off praying to God that your now golden lawns didn't burst into flames. Back to the nightmare next door. They didn't buy just any fireworks, not the little ones that stayed low to the ground and make a small explosion. Nope. Not them. They bought the big ones, that sounded like a bomb was going off. And where were they shooting them? Can you guess? I bet you can. At my tree. Every time that stuff started falling and got near the tree I would cringe. By midnight I'd had enough and went inside to call the police. My guests were annoyed. I was beyond annoyed and out right pissed at this point. So they say they are on their way having had several calls. Did they show? Not to my knowledge. I called again an hour later. It still took them another 30 minutes to show up and shut that shit down.

We have mutual friends [and I use the term loosely] in common. We were out to dinner one night and a woman I was with told me how the lady next door is miserable. This of course made me a tiny bit happy. Why is she miserable? Because, and I quote, "I have no control over my children. They don't listen to me. I never get a break." Waaahhh waaaahhh fuckin waaaahhh.

I told mutual friend. "That's bullshit! She has no control over her little animals because she chooses not to." Being a parent is hard work. I know that first hand. It is our job as parents to raise our kids to have some respect, treat others well, etc. If anyone needs a bitch slap, I say line up the entire family and let me at 'em. Not that it would do any good. They obviously prefer to be rude and terrorize the entire neighborhood whenever the hell they please. And I question their morals as well.

You know that tree I hate. Well it sheds all kinds of crap constantly. And since they put their pool right next to it I'm sure it gets covered in stuff. One day I actually caught them cleaning the pool and dumping the debris back into my yard. What a bunch of dumb asses. Do they seriously not know that all that crap is going to sink down into the ground and grow more of that irritating tree? Apparently this is rocket science for them. I keep thinking if one starts growing I'll chop it down before it can really take root. And then my inner bitch comes out to play and has me thinking oh let it grow. Give them another tree to really clog up their pool.

R had me rolling about them once as well. It seems they are complaining that their yard isn't big enough. Really? Might have been a good idea to think of that before building your eyesore of a house to show off your wealth in a neighborhood filled with ranch style homes.

Now R is Arab. My neighbors are Arab, but certainly not cut from the same cloth. We hear through the grapevine that they are worried about us. Worried we will do an addition to our ranch home and build up. Oh the horror! You see the lady is covered. And if we build up then we can look into their yard, and she will never be able to take off her hijab. So R makes sure he mentions that Z is getting married and we will need to add on. The only way for us to go is up, since we like having a big yard. I admit I get off on knowing they may be squirming over that misinformation. We would never build up, but what they don't know, won't hurt them. Here's to hoping the fear will send them packing! I would delight in coming home to see a For Sale sign in their yard!

I love the Birthday Bash! It's a wonderful time to be a member of WdC. And the little prezzies make me smile. See what I got today

Thanks, Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline You are one terrific person and I am so happy to call you friend!