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The big fish

I am in the belly of a big fish. That is the best metaphor that I can come up with to define my present predicament.
Some time ago God called me into the heat throbbing climes of Kansas city. I impressed others as being in fine shape compared to the picture they were presented with by the mental health system in Massachusetts. I was encouraged to try life without meds and I did.

I married, graduated seminary, pastored and had children. All seemed well on the surface. The battlefield was taking place on the inside. I decided to get back on meds and all seemed to be going in the wrong direction fast.
Divorce was on the horizon, a need to leave the pastorate(to pay child support), hospitalisation even if short and alienation. Life was much different on meds than off them-go figure!!
Fast forward to the present. I remarried someone who is in distant on me staying on meds. My kids grew up. I felt called to go back home. (East) My wife was willing. Her family lived in Erie Pennsylvania. This was about 10 hours from home, Massachusetts. It has been a pain filled transition.
I am faced with leaving a place I called home for 36 years. In that place I was told I was weller than I thought, lovable and fuctional. I head to my own Nineveh. "What good can come of such a move?
I am leaving in the midst of the same heat I entered into. It will be over 100 degrees tomorrow. I will leave Sunday to a totally foreign place. I will have no job and no one that I can call friend. I am scared. My money will be for the most part gone. If God wanted my attention he has got it now. I will be in my car by myself waiting for the movers to bring our stuff, PRAYING for the big fish to spit me out!!!!!!😅