The Treatment Program of Absurdity: 1

Harry’s Story

I have always had always had a passion for writing, ever since he was a little kid. On April 9th, 2011, I wrote about a man who kidnaps a baby and uses the baby to get girls. The following is the exact copy of the story that I wrote and distributed to staff.
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Desperation
Harry Johnson
Forty-two-year-old Johnny Mingo - who weighed 350 pounds, lived in his mother’s basement and spent his whole day playing World of Warcraft - has always been desperate for a girlfriend, which is a long stretch for him, due to the fact that he has never even had a friend. Ever since Kindergarten, none of the kids wanted to hang out with John. In middle school, John always stayed near the teachers, so the kids couldn’t beat him up; the teachers hated being around him, but were worried they would get in trouble if they told him to “f*** off.” When John got to high school, the teachers stopped defending him; so John was beaten up daily by the jocks, cheerleaders, and the math geeks.
One time, John went into the senior lounge, hoping that someone would agree to hang with him out of pitty. All of the seniors left the lounge upon smelling John. John found a used condom under the sofa, and took it home to make believe that it was his; the condom disappeared the next day. What happened was John’s mom noticed the condom while cleaning his room. John’s mother summoned her husband, who questioned, “How could this be our son’s?” John’s mother then exclaimed, “I know, he isn’t getting jack s***”.
During a school production of West Side Story, John got up on stage and started dancing naked in front of three hundred people. The director got up on stage and began chasing John with a baseball bat. While John was trying to flee, he accidently fell on a girl, causing her to break her arm. John was expelled from school after that incident; and he never received any further education after his expulsion. After the expulsion, John would have a poignant conversation with his father.
JOHN: Dad, what is the matter?
DAD: I just don’t know what went wrong!
JOHN: Dad I know I screwed up, but look at everything I have accomplished in life: I can swim without floats, I can sing, I can use a computer, I can wipe my own ass, and I have you to thank for all of it, because you are my father and you raised me to be who I am.
DAD: To think I am responsible for how you turned out!
JOHN: Of course dad, you should be proud for whom I have beco; say dad, why are you hanging yourself?
When John was 18, he would develop a relationship that would change his life forever, but it was not a desirable relationship. Martin Spencer, a five-year-old, who lived next door to John, called John stupid while he saw John riding his electric scooter. John told Martin that he was better than him, and challenged the kid to a game of basketball, in which Martin won, just because John had a hard time moving due to how fat he was. Martin continued to laugh, and John didn’t want to lose his remaining dignity, so John challenged Martin him to a fight, in which the little kid ran circles around John, kicking him until he fell down crying.
For the next 24 years, Martin kept bullying John. Throughout the years, Martin would invite his friends over to join in the torment; examples include the football team when Martin was in high school, his fraternity when he was in college, and members of his platoon when they were home from their tour in Afghanistan. Martin became a police officer when he was 26, in which he intentionally got assigned to the district where John lived, so he would then spend the next three years sadistically tormenting John.
John would only leave his mom’s house to look for an excuse to meet girls (which ALWAYS FAILED) or to go to McDonalds. One time, John went to a massage parlor after having not showered in three weeks, where he picked out a hot masseuse, whom ended the session after 5 minutes; Martin waited for John outside the massage parlor, and arrested John for disorderly conduct. John was once being the John he was, and drove through the red light district, where he saw a hooker holding up a sign saying “ANYBODY,” which is where he pulled up and honked his horn at her; Martin gave the hooker five dollars and arrested John for soliciting prostitution, thus pulling a successful sting operation. John once made an online dating video where he was in his underwear eating Buffalo wings; Martin found the video while doing an Internet search for John’s name, and went to Johns house to arrest him for indecent exposure. For Martin’s 29th Birthday, a party was held at his house, in which fellow police officers presented him with a gift of a portrait that depicted Martin mercilessly beating John.
One day, John’s mom couldn’t go to Wal-Mart and buy him clothes, so he had to do it himself. He rode his electric scooter throughout Wal-Mart in a leather jacket, tank top, a pair of jeans and black sunglasses. Whenever he waved to the girls, they just gave him a look of sorrow. While picking out clothes in the XXXXL section, he noticed a bunch of cute girls going up to a man who was strolling his baby boy through the store, which gave him an idea. John went over to the man with the girls, while wearing nothing but a grown up diaper and a pacifier, and flirted with the girls by making phrases like “goo-goo gaga,” and all of the girls walked away while smirking. John realized that a baby is the key to wooing girls, since babies have the charm that he doesn’t.
One time, John tried to adopt a child to keep him company, but the people at Child Services laughed and had security escort him out of the office. John followed the man with the baby home, and thought that if he could abduct the baby, then he could use it to get girls. John waited outside the house of the man, in which he began spying on the family, so he could make a plan to abduct the baby. His plan was interrupted when Martin showed up and beat John down with a baton, in which he then arrested John for claims of loitering. In the car, Martin told John that ever since he beat him in basketball when he was five, he has loved tormenting him for his amusement to this very day. After being released from custody three days later, John hid in a forest near the house and waited for the parents to get home with the baby. John waited thirty minutes, where he then broke into the house via a window (he had to use butter to get through). John snuck upstairs and grabbed the baby out of the crib. The baby cried instantly because he knew it wasn’t his mommy or daddy. The mother came in, but it was dark and she couldn’t see anything, so John pushed her into the wall, knocking her unconscious, and John left with the baby.
John knew that in order to get away from media coverage, he would have to leave Chicago and go elsewhere. John decided to drive the baby to California in his 1981 Chevrolet Camaro. John arrived in LA, where he only had $1000 on him; John used the money to rent a small apartment in Compton, along with purchasing baby supplies. John took the baby for a walk down Hollywood, where people stopped to amuse the baby, but many of them then gave John a look, which indicated that the felt sorry that for the baby, since the baby “allegedly” had John as the parent. When John arrived at Grumman’s Chinese Theater, he noticed that the lady at the ticket booth was decent looking. He asked her for a ticket to see the new Disney movie, and she told him that no seat could fit him. He exclaimed how ever since Toby’s (who he named the baby) mother died, he has never gotten to take him to a movie, and felt like he can’t provide what the baby needs. The lady offered to take the baby in and show him the movie. John thanked her and asked her for her name, which was when she exclaimed “Lucy.” John decided to show his gratitude by inviting her out on a date to KFC.
Back in Chicago, police were investigating the abduction of Mackie from his home. Martin remembered seeing John loitering outside the house, thus giving Martin the revelation that John was the culprit. When John noticed the butter on the wall, he realized that it meant a person as obese as John would need to use butter to break into a house. Back when Martin became a police officer, 3 years ago, he had placed a tracking device in John’s car. Martin decided to set off to find John, and return Mackie to his parents.
The following evening, Lucy went to John’s apartment to have dinner with him, only out of pity. She spent most of the time playing with the baby because even though she felt pity for John, she had more sorrow for the baby because the baby had John as a parent. John asked Lucy to come into his bedroom, which almost made her puke as they were walking into the bedroom. Right before the duo entered the bedroom, Martin broke down the front door and asked for the baby. Martin explained the situation to Lucy, who then punched John in the face. Martin wanted to beat John with a baton, but conceived John was on the floor crying over having been punched by a woman as being enough. Martin threw John into the trunk of his cop car, where he put the baby in the front seat (he had purchased a booster seat, before coming to arrest John.) Before Martin departed back to Chicago, Lucy showed her gratitude towards Martin for saving her from sleeping with John by sleeping with Martin.
After John was indicted by a Cook County Grand Jury, John’s public defender told him that an insanity defense would get him sent to a mental hospital as opposed to prison; John was going to go along with the plan, but he then decided on a different strategy. At the trial, John began arguing that Mackie’s parents were bad parents, and thus he not only did the right thing by kidnapping the baby, but should also be transferred legal custody over Mackie. John’s lawyer walked out of the courtroom and drove away. Everyone in the courtroom began laughing at what a moron John was, even Mackie’s parents. John was intended to have received the death sentence, but because the judge had pity on him, his sentence was switched to life without parole. The media praised Martin as the hero who saved an innocent child from a life of horror, and was personally commended by the Governor of Illinois. Martin eventually left the police force to become a corrections officer at the prison in which John was an inmate.
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I had begun distributing my story around Great Ascendency. I had originally told Elizabeth Jin about it, but she shuttered at the idea. It would make sense, since she once yelled at me for showing students a picture of a baby holding a gun, and told me that I could be profiled as a school shooter.
I had originally shown the story it to Adam Palace, who had laughed hysterically upon reading it, claiming that he loved what a loser that John was. I showed what I wrote to John Butler, who thought it was also hilarious and claimed he thought it was the greatest story that any of his clients ever wrote. Not all of the reviews of the story were positive though.
I had shown the story to Tory, who claimed she found it was too depressing, since she felt sorry for the character in the story; she also thought that what he did when he was 16 was just too much information, and it made fun of people who were actually in that position. Frank Gore was also not a big fan of the story, since he claimed that he felt sorry for the main character. Dr. Linkins’s only remark was, “Does your therapist know about this?”