Everyday Canvas

Who's at the Party?

Prompt: Modern Manners says it is rude to ask a hostess who else is invited to a party? What do you think?

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I don’t ever recall asking a host or hostess who else would be there in their party, even though I didn’t know it would be rude. In fact, I don’t see why it is considered as being rude, either.

In a time and place faraway and long ago in our lives, my husband and I used to attend and give a good number of parties. In our very wide circle, which included bosses and other co-workers as well as family members and friends, there sometimes were a few sour-grapes people that sucked the life out of a party. When someone exaggerates their war service, for example, we think of them as being mildly or seriously deluded, but that’s their business. Some of the people who would attend those parties, however, were way past that. A few were prejudiced truth-twisters, and moreover, they attacked others with viciousness for any small thing that crossed them.

In order not to attend a party where the air would be poisoned by such people, my husband always tried to find out who would be there or to narrow it down he would ask directly, “Is so-and-so going to be there?” As an aside, I probably fell in love with him for his candor. Yet, other than the people who rubbed others the wrong way, if people we had never met were asked, we both welcomed the opportunity to get to know new people.

One reason I never ask is probably because I always think some people who act negatively may be needing a few loving strokes from others, and I don’t like to discriminate too much when it comes to people. In addition, had there been some bad blood between people, a party is the best place to ease the tension.

I know my reaction is a naïve one, but it is correct for me given my overall make-up; however, my way usually proves itself wrong. ... My husband’s, however, has been proven right, time after time.

Regardless of our experiences on the subject, I think, rude or not, it may be better not to attend a party where people who’d annoy us would be there. Here, the most important job falls on the shoulders of the hostess. If she has invited two warring parties or a confrontational person, she has to let others know who has been asked. I know it is extra trouble, but if the host wants to have a successful party where everyone will enjoy themselves, he or she has to take that extra step.