Shouts From Down Under

No panicking, personal hygiene, snacks or toilets. Serious..

Could writing a novel be so simple it could be explained adequately in a few minutes?

Is that a ridiculous proposal? Am I intensely challenged in numerous respects for even suggesting that such a potentially complex undertaking could be "learned" quickly, effectively and satisfactorily in no time?

There is such an entity as 10 Minute Novelists, the invention of Katharine Grubb, with the main purpose being that people, writers, who don't have a lot of spare time can still find a methodical way to chip away at that bestseller, the just as important instructional manual, or self entertainment pursuit.

But what about the whole do-it-yourself recipe for get-real writers everywhere? Let's think about going further than finding the time to write 10 minutes worth. Look over there, past whatever it is, and see the extension of this.

If we can think more deeply, really THINK, and get to the guts of what this is all about, and do this first, do this in a very serious frame of mind indeed, and invest what may seem a ridiculous chunk of time before we start, then perhaps the idea of a how to tutorial in a couple of minutes isn't so outrageous.

If nothing else, maybe poking along in this direction might help firm up someones confusion and spiraling clue void.

Are you a person who can do self discipline? Can you manage to flex your legs enough to kick your own backside for motivation?
What about standards of workmanship? Are you able to give those a little rousing along by some up-speaking? Have you regularly, or at least sporadically through life, demanded through gritted teeth at your reflection in the mirror to "LIFT YOUR GAME!" and been able to boot strap yourself to a higher personal best?

You know, I do get the thing with Nanowrimo; the whole fun side of the process, the casualness, the bit of a lark perception, the keep calm strategies, the wearable ways and means of identifying yourself as an honest to goodness writer person who is up there with the best pen defenders.

There is nothing wrong with that. Some, even many, writers may not be ready to devote themselves to auto-punishment of the short cut boot camp style.

My point is there seems to be another side to it, another way to choose, if you have enough of whatever it is that drives extreme writer peoples.

And perhaps, just maybe, there's a few very basic, very vital, and very life hack-ness step by step pointers to thrashing out your own shiny novel.

You could take a few minutes, say five, right now to nail this theory, mould it into something real, practical and immediate.

Sparky's Five Minute Guide to Writing Novels

1. STOP.
Stop stuffing around right now, physically and mentally. Stop thinking of useless negatives and empty trash. You are a writer, you have the materials to hand to write, to think what to write, and to guide yourself to novelist nirvana. Any other mental direction isn't wanted at this time. Spend the next two hours designing your novel. Stop thinking cliche. Stop being normal. Stop being boring. Stop trying to be like "your friends" or some other fictitious person. Stop being stopped and go for it. AFTER you've spent hours, days, months, even years dreaming up your story, and the next step, your idea.

2. Get an Idea!
What's something in life you worry about, think about, and have a strong opinion about (passionately argue) on a daily basis the most often? It could be political, moral, social, fashion or food related, religious, outdoorsy, spooky, philosophical, argument based or even just what shoes you like. It could be why everyone else thinks your shoe choice is old fashioned.

That's the basis of your idea right there.

Think of some angle to it that is romantic, heroic, unique, unusual, clever, odd, mysterious or just plain nasty.

With the handbrake applied, (Rule 1) jack up your idea and put some wheels on it. Put some people in the vehicle, choose one to drive it, one to insist on giving directions and annoying guidance, another to advise from the back seat, and yet another who is asleep until they stop at snack shops, or reach the destination where they suddenly do something random that changes the whole dynamic.

3. Get wisdom!.
(Bible?) I don't mean study the scriptures now although a bit of prayer and meditation is probably as good as anything to calm your creative farm. Seriously.
Get to the underlying REASONS why you are writing about your idea. Think about your attitude. Think about conversations you've had, and the other participants, advice, research and whatever else comes to mind about your idea to grow it into something of intense interest to yourself. Your reader will find it interesting too if there's a reason for interest. Invent that reason right now. Hurry up; you have only an hour or two left of thinking time haven't you? That's right. There's no real rush with your thinking, but it must be serious and have a ginormous sense of urgency attached - enough to make you break out into a sweat.

4. Get serious.
To be fair, your genre and subject matter will count here. But even so, I think everyone can have a go at imagining your idea and concept is a life and death matter. Your characters' lives and what happens in your novel / story matters so much it should be on world news in the next few seconds. Many people's lives depend on it.
That's the type of seriousness you need to bring to this desk, so that you'll pull the weeds, trim the fat, dismiss the stupid or immature, and grab with both fists the feelings, the atmosphere, the mood and the belief that this story you are about to crush with your keyboard's tactile symbol switches is a towering passion. The embrace of your idea is more important than your mum. Blood relatives were never so thick as your brainwaves this moment.

5. Get a Title
It must have monumental impact. Just a couple of words and your book will either "have it" or not. If it doesn't knock your socks off or start an instant brawl then forget it. It must do something. The title must make them want this book, want to know what it's about, and what happens, that profits them, the reader. At this point, wake up to yourself. Remember SERIOUS?

6. Get characters!
You need the usual bunch. Goody, baddie and support crew of either of these or both. Look around you and suck the life out of your own circle of hapless people, whoever they are. Use them. Their dialogue, their actions (preferably of interest but even mundane mannerisms have their place) their homes, their everything. Use it all. It's free. It's right there and you'd do well to forget trying to juggle totally imaginary characters at this stage. You want to crash out a novel remember?

7. Get order!
Before anything happened, this happened.
Then something big happened.
After that someone wanted something else to happen, the main deal, but then another thing and other people happened that stopped the main deal from happening. It could be as simple as some goober head forgot their lunch, or locked the keys in the car. Probably me. Then somewhere after the middle part of the story, kill one of the characters right off, then have complete chaos after which the final preventative stuff is wiped out, and the main claim to fame does happen. Don't be all day about it though. Waffle is not what you want.

8. Run.
Forget doing the laundry, vacuuming, cooking, personal hygiene, coffee, chocolate, miscellaneous items. Forget snacks and toilets.

No

No

No

You have planet earth to save from certain death. Like...urgency..?

Your first chapter must be a rocket fueled accelerator pedal mashed into the floor of your readers mind. Right from the first sentence. However, remember that your story, and the captives held within it, didn't just pop into existence from Chapter One like a page blurting out of an inkjet. No, that's not how things happen, so do put a few hints of what happened before your creation came into being. At least imply it by something or other.

Every chapter must GET ON WITH IT NOW.

9. Get love!
While good novels may not need a romantic thread, if you want to do this then do this. Yes, even before "your story" this may have started happening. A germ, a seed, a spark, a chance, a look, a glance, an encounter. Whatever it is, then it keeps interrupting stuff. Or maybe other stuff keeps interrupting the romance. Think what you are writing, and what audience. And of course LOVE happens fantastically near or at the end. Hint that lovey dovey stuff happens even after the end, if not forever. Arguments and the odd saucepan tap on the head does wonders for respect re cooking skills.
Yes, your romantically involved pro, ant, and whatever else agonist, won't just instantly die at the closing paragraphs. Life will go on even if your publisher won't put more pages in.

10. Don't get panicked!
If you run out of stuff to say, then stop writing. Don't panic. Look around you that afternoon. Go for a walk among people. Get out of your depressing little writing space. Mow the lawn. Go visit a nursing home or the local RSPCA. You'll see SOMETHING, I guarantee it. Something will be just the key, the next scene, the next exchange in the conflict, the next solution to the antagonist protagonist web of lies and corruption you've woven among the rosebuds of pure love. Yep.

That's it. Straight off to your favourite editor. Think you can't do this? Think it's impossible? Think I'm just writing a stoopit flippant blog entry and haven't a clue?

Yes! You're right! Forget the whole idea. Just go back to being confused, disoriented, self pitying, self doubting, depressed, sad, unknown, chocolate addicted (understandable) and probably with a cobwebby and sticky gummed up keyboard.

However, hear ye this! What I've said here has helped me write 2 novels. Unpublished. But I'm not up to the publishing part yet. I'm up to the "sending it off to the editor" part on the first one. My second one, written for Nanowrimo in 2013, will be the next to be edited. I'll get there. I got here. By pretty much doing those steps I've put in red / bold.

2007



2012




Self awareness.

"Keep me informed."
"What about?"
"I have no idea."



The other thing to do is to get a book by Dean Koontz, or by some other accomplished author who does in fact know their stuff, as opposed to myself who, though well meaning, is half guessing. Dean's non-fiction How To book, if you can find a copy, has a rich vein of basic writing advice to get that novel banged out, in order, of interest, and maybe even finished.

If this guide takes you more than five minutes to read and digest that's OK. If you've read this far it can't all be for nothing, hey? You must have found something helpful.

Free ideas.
http://www.9news.com.au/world/2015/11/11/09/21/ufo-like-clouds-form-over-cape-to...

http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/10-tips-for-fiction...

http://thewritelife.com/100-best-websites-for-writers-2015/

http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/articles/snowflake-method/

How NOT to write a novel.

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/7-things-that-will-doom-your-novel-how-to...

Dictionary.
http://dictionary.reference.com/

Thesaurus.
http://www.thesaurus.com/

Oh. And get SUPSENCE! NO. Get Suspence!

http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/6-secrets-to-creating-and-sustaining-...

Psst! GET VIOLENCE!
http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/5-essential-t...

But Don't Get Violent!

http://www.news.com.au/world/europe/crazed-author-hunts-down-teenager-for-bad-re...

It's a good idea to keep notes. Never done it? Well, start now. Do this in a way that is totally convenient for you. I find my phone notepad is best because it's on hand 24/7 plus I can copy and paste the notes into an email to myself to use on public computers, or at home on my own laptop. Photos are also a huge boost for ideas and visual note taking. News articles. Hobbies. Everything around you is blurting out stuff that is noteworthy. Best to just jot down the things that stick out.

I've also found a decent phone (as mentioned just now) and a good internet plan is such a help in every facet of writing.

Get luck!

Here's your first screen full of luck right here in this blog entry.

Sparky