Shellyville Continues

Secret crush?

Hello Sunshine,

Yesterday on Facebook I took a little quiz on who was my secret lover. It turns out I have four but the number one was John M. He was a boy from my neighborhood and he recently told me he had a crush on me when we were kids. I never knew.

I never knew that others liked me. As a young teenager I felt very alone and isolated. I had a few girl friends in the neighborhood but I do recall spending a lot of time walking alone and swinging at the park by myself.

Maybe because I grew up with lots of siblings I needed to be alone. I needed to remove myself from the crazy noise and sit in peace.

I don't recall anyone coming to find me, or make small talk or even try to get to know me. I felt like I was just an empty shell. I do know I wrote a ton of poetry, I escaped in my own thoughts and I tried to be nice. I also felt like I was a very big bitch. I had to be as the youngest girl. I protected my stuff. My twin did not make my childhood easy. We fought and he was mean to me. I can understand my feelings now. I look back and see it all so clearly.

I would not trade a single minute of my childhood for something different. It allowed me to grow into who I needed to become. It gave me strength to be myself and to be alone.

All the world can have a crush on me and I wouldn't care.

I love me.

Love,
Michelle