Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about reading aloud, Helen Keller, and swimming.

"When you read a poem do you prefer to read it aloud or silently? Why or why not?"

Good afternoon folks! It's Wednesday (I think), which means it's the third day of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  mini-challenge roundtables...this week we're focusing on poetry, which I kinda have some experience with. We've got some ironically situated prompts in the other groups I participate in as well, so dive in with me and let's have at this!

When I read a poem, I prefer to read it silently in my head. As an added bonus, if I don't know what the author sounds like, I try to imagine it in his or her voice, to add to the authenticity factor of the words and meaning. Why? Because I know what my own voice sounds like, and I hate it. It's not appealing sonically. It sounds nasally, like your prototypical nerd. Don't believe me? Check out "This one's about the video." , an entry that solely consists of a video featuring me rambling. I'm not a gifted public speaker. Or a private one.

Unless we're listening to music, I prefer quiet and not disturbing others while bathing in my solitude. Check that...occasionally I do enjoy disturbing others, but not when I'm reading. I think that it's a personal exercise, meant to forage a bond between yourself and the writer. Get lost in the experience. Reading out loud just adds another level of distraction...especially when your mouth misforms the words you're seeing, and then you have to back up a line or two and redirect your concentration. I guess maybe there's an advantage then to being blind in that you can only read using braille, unless you also have dyslexia of the fingertips, which I'm pretty sure has to be a pain in the ass. Or the hand.

And if it wasn't clear before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to Hell because of this entry. Proceeding...

I've seen reviews where one of the pieces of advice mentioned is "Read this again, out loud to yourself". And I'd say a lot of people think that's a solid idea, and have done it, and maybe have seen the light that they suck at life and should not ever write poetry again could allow them to hear where they might've gone wrong structurally. But when I see that someone has suggested out loud, to yourself, my mind breaks...because I consider the two concepts separately to be exclusive. I take "to yourself" to mean "quietly", while "out loud" means "so others can hear"...it's like an intricate video game move that's both positive and negative that's also essential in a way, but instead of it being awesome the AI doesn't know how to react so the whole system freezes, causing you to restart the scene and making you lose your progress. Or sneezing with your eyes open...it's impossible, and if it were to actually happen you'd probably just shoot your eyeballs across the room. Sounds like a sweet party trick, but I'm guessing that's a shitty inconvenience down the road.

But hey, do whatever makes you happy and works for your particular method of enjoying poetry. The world needs more people who can appreciate the written (and sometimes, spoken) word. If you write it, we're all in this together...just try not to disturb me when I'm trying to be left alone and the sound of your voice winds up hitting me like a spitball to the back of my neck. Y'all been warned.

"If Helen Keller would have lived in today's world, how would her life have been different in our advanced world? Remember Helen was blind and deaf."

Yup, I'm definitely familiar with Helen Keller...but if you're not here's her Wikipedia bio  . She got by, yo...and then she got over. Boy, did she get over. They don't make biopics about just anyone, ya heard?

But what troubles me now about her is that most of the opportunities afforded in this day and age to someone in her situation are a direct result of her advocacy. For example, some genius developed peanut butter. I love peanut butter. But if the inventor of such a treat hadn't discovered it, what would be the purpose of my affection for strawberry preserves? Sure, maybe someone else would've eventually come along and mashed up peanuts in a delectable fashion, but would it be the same? We're talkin' about several feet in your local grocery store! How different would the world be?

And it's no different with Helen. She'd go to the same school as the rest of us, integrated with classmates who have functional eyes and ears. She'd get some accommodations, but she'd be groomed to fit in because someone else came up after her and developed techniques to cope with her specific disabilities. It might not be the same as what she pioneered, but humans can be pretty smart and resourceful at times, so I'm sure she'd be just fine. She'd get over the initial mind-blow of the internet that was fitted for her consumption, and eventually she'd learn that the comment boards on most websites are toxic wastelands for a-holes to dump their twisted, self-serving logic while she carved out her own place in the world and honed her sarcasm.

Also, she was kinda a looker, if ya know what I'm sayin'...she'd be all up on Tinder, tryin' to catch a hookup, and instead of the tasteless "How do you confuse Helen Keller? Rearrange the furniture." jokes etc., she'd be all like "I swiped left, because I can't see myself going anywhere with you."

Yup...definitely goin' to Hell. Or as my more Christian-rooted people have called it, H-E-double .

"Write about swimming."

Swimming, huh. Is there any greater suburban status symbol than having your own pool? I hate swimming. It's a marriage of inconveniences.

Humans hate being hot (temperature-wise) and uncomfortable. I'll go as far as saying that a lot of times, most of us hate being wet (beyond our expectations and control) as well. Yet a favorite pastime for the bulk of an otherwise docile society is jumping in a pool of water with the intention of cooling off. Why?

I live in a room above a bar, and it gets super ridiculously hot in here...especially in the afternoons, when the sun crashes down on my window like "Fuck your happiness, human...I'mma make you feel my wrath so deep you have no choice but to marinate in your own sweat!" A total killjoy, especially for someone like me who loves a beautiful sunny day. I finally bought a fan the other day (thanks to the magic of CVS "Extra Rewards" coupons), and now life in the afternoon is more tolerable. I don't even have to worry about losing a finger in it if I wake up in the middle of the night and want to shut it off...yes, that's what my adulthood has been boiled down to. A safe air circulator.

But swimming? Fuck that, man. I could come up with at least twenty ways I'd rather enjoy myself in situations that don't employ my OCD (I can't stand two things in everyday living...if I happen to get one hand wet, I need to get the other wet as well; if one shoe becomes untied in the rare circumstance that I'm wearing tieable shoes, I have to retie them both). Swimming, in a pool, or a lake, or in my own insanity, just isn't palatable. I'm not a germophobe, and I know most properly-upkept pools are decent places to hang out and enjoy life, but naw homes...I'll chill in the sun some other way. Maybe a sprinkler or a garden hose with a fancy nozzle, but wading and immersion are two things I can definitely say I'm not sinning for lacking.

All I can say is this man deserves to be thought of as a giant in contemporary poetry. If you can get your hands on a copy of Coke Machine Glow  , you definitely should jump on the chance. Influential, amazing, brilliant, bright, desolate, compact, and above all, it makes me wish sometimes I could be as cooly Canadian as he is for his wit, determination, and artistic ability. I know that's a lot of adjectives, but Gord throughout his esteemed career has been nothing short of a legendary human being who simply cannot suck.

"As long as the road lacks perspective...
As long as we swim, swim, swim...
As long as we hold hands in the swiftness..."
Lyrics.  

Last week I posted a few links regarding punctuation that I thought were useful and/or funny (ok, mostly funny, and any chance I get to say "interrobang" will of course be utilized)...but today I want to focus on words, and more specifically, how we say them. Hey, if you can talk then I guess there ain't no bad way to say some words, and we all have different dialects we occasionally see ourselves reaching from (I tend to over-annunciate words like "car" and "far", because I once worked with Long Islanders and NYC/NJ natives while seeing a couple of girls who had the stereotypical New Yawk inflection). But for those who don't judge based on accents, here's what your pronunciation can say about you  .

I don't do enough promoting of on-site WDC things, for a few reasons, but this is something I can get behind: "Invalid Item" . I'm not crazy into WDC MB's...I don't need the validation, but last night it occurred to me that I actually own an exclusive merit badge commissioned by Lyn's a Witchy Woman , and with her blessing I donated one to Elle - on hiatus 's fundraiser (good causes, my friends...drop some gift points and set yourself up for a chance at MB's you'd otherwise have to do a lot of work for, if you're into that kind of thing). The Blog Camping badge is normally only available in August, and not very many people have one. I'm honored to be able to contribute one to a lucky winner, and maybe we'll get some awesome participants in this year's blog trip...last year was a riot with great people, and Lyn is already working on making 2015's trip even more incredible. Can't wait!

"Senior pranks" are an almost legendary part of the growing up process, and a high school in Western New York took the idea to a memorable extreme   when they were able to get ex-Saturday Night Live cast member Bill Hader to show up. Like, seriously. And then he wondered why downtown B-Lo smells like Cheerios. Legit question, celeb in his first tour of the Queen City...Buffalo has a General Mills plant   that supplies the east coast with the tasteless yet nutritious breakfast (or if you're like me, a snack} delight. Get some, Hader!

And while we're on the topic of senior pranks, I think the high school for a community I lived in for a long time did a fantastic job...

And finally...I consider myself at times to be a fairly smart person, but I was put in my righteous place the other day when I took the Washington Times' Jeopardy test  ...I got smoked, and it was multiple choice! I started off strong, but eventually wound up getting 12 out of 24 right. 50%. Not a good look. If you take it, let me know how much smarter than me you are...I'd love to hear it.

Meanwhile, I finished this entry and am now looking at escaping the internet in favor of a humble nap in the now-cooler environment blessed by a fan I won't unfinger myself with in a medicated sleep haze. Use this entry responsibly. Peace, cake-drunk in the middle, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!