Writings from November of 2007 to April of 2009, or maybe the middle of 2010. |
5/10 We invented this architecture. We retrofitted by design. Now we know just what we're after, but when the life designs don't fit the budgets or the hemlines, then when is it time to blow it up and rebuild what's due to us? I know a sinking band of thought is tearing up at us. It's coming from the inside and working back around. These days, they complain that I don't do my best for them but they don't know my ups and downs as well as they know theirs. I want to set this straight behind me. I didn't do wrong by not doing right but if this is in front of me, I've got to make something more than what's not working for me. I did no wrong by not doing right. Forgive me when I hurt. Forgive me when it hurts to you. I can't fully explain what it means to be me, and I don't expect you to accept the tantrums I have bled in the name of hopefully gaining progress. I've been a golden state tarnishing my fate and I walk across it like lakes breaking off of lakes and I've been taking life one day at a time until it falls from my control (and it usually does). If you ain't scared of life sometimes, you don't know what it means to die. I've died one hundred times until I came through to you and I died a little more just to get to you. If I die once more I'll be an ocean of dying to talk to you. You're not scared of life. You always pull through. Your golden state of trust makes you "you". When you stopped being the me that I was looking at, I went off-course. I strayed the path. I failed your clouds. I tainted your oceans. I tried to resurrect the foundations. I fell asleep alone next to you. You're not late. We're never late! It just doesn't matter. It's not so big to you as I think it is, but what I think is not as big nor small as you think. You have it right in your head, but I know better than what I let you crop my picture of me to be. If you ain't scared of dyin', then you ain't really livin'. |