Wondering about my Wanderings

The call

At baseline one of the largest areas of discussion revolves around "the call". I can remember my own struggling with the idea of being called of God. What does it mean? How does one know one is called. This came to a height of inquiry when I went to a career assessment center after going through a rough experience as pastor and a counselor shared that instead of preaching Christ the message from God was that I needed to plant corn. It hurt to hear this. Even to this moment I struggle with the truth that this man was trying to communicate.

After eight years of theological education, I went to my first meeting to sort out future prospects for ministering. The test shared that I would have troubles being a pastor since I was so introverted. I had just recently been married and knew that I had to make money somehow. It is funny how life works. I went to eight years of gutting it out doing the best I could to find out I was not suited to do what I wanted to do most. And they say God has a sense of humor.

I am a security guard and a caregiver at the moment, so in some ways the counselor was right on target. Maybe I was fooling myself. I will always shake my head in disbelief. What does it all mean God?

My most recent interview with a career assessment counselor helped me sort it out/fine tune what I continue to struggle with.
I went to the interview and wanted them to tell me what God wanted. Maybe I needed to give up on working all together for fear I might hurt someone. I had been accused of switching meds and I figured people in authority know more about what is right than I will ever know. The sessions let me know that I blamed myself for everything. I needed Post traumatic counseling and then I might know more clearly what God wanted for me to do.

I have decided call means to respond to need as if I could be God's presence. I am called to share with others how Jesus has befriended me. That is good news. God shares love in the time I spend doing whatever do. I plant corn in the sense of planting seeds. I ask questions about the aspirations of others and encourage others to go for it. I give the gift of time to my security work and caregiving. I support a woman in caregiving and drive mobile. I get called to come into work and go with an attitude of being thankful I can do it. The call is offering one's life in a spirit of praise. If that is call I am going to be all right. I thank you for being there for me and calling me friend. THE CALL.