Can we talk?

Hospice Workshop

         I went to a workshop tonight at a hospice. My pastor had asked several of us to go, and I signed up--the only one. The write up made it sound like it was going to be about grief counseling. But no, it was grief counseling. Of course, we can all relate once we have a few years We lose people we love.

         So while it wasn't as helpful as I expected, or at least not the way I expected, it was not totally lost on me. We talked about meditation, yoga, distractions, and things that give us comfort in our grieving. Listening to others and being "listened to" are important in the healing. Too often well-meaning people just shower us with platitudes and feel they have to fill the silence. Instead, we just need to listen.

         Some people keep their emotions so bottled up that they can't deal with the emotions. While everyone's story was different, there were so many common elements. Everyone could relate to each other pretty well.

         I would recommend a group like that for someone who has gone through a loss of someone close within the last six months, or longer if they weren't recovering very well. It takes about a year to get through the worst of it. I was surprised that I actually am fairly well equipped to handle grief spiritually and emotionally, which does not mean that I won't hurt. I was just hoping to get more practical advice on helping family members, friends, or fellow church members cope.

         The experts say that it takes about 3 years to get beyond the loss of a spouse before starting to date again or letting someone else into your life. One Jewish woman said that her tradition teaches you have 3 periods of grief spiritually: the first week is the first and most intense level, the first thirty days is the next level, the first year is the next one. After that, you are never fully healed or recovered, but you are through the worst of it and can cope.