Amygdalia's Blog

What? WHAT?!?!

Well first . . . the vent about what happened yesterday, that I could have SWORN I posted about last night.

So I got a text from my dad (he and my stepmom are in Chile, so 6 hours ahead of us right now) asking if we wanted to Skype during Super Bowl halftime. I texted back saying we weren't home, and had no idea when that would be. He texted back commenting that he had thought maybe Bob and Monkey would be watching. So I replied no, we don't have tv service anymore.

So then a few hours later I got an email from my stepmom:

Hi Amy,
I don't often put my 2 cents in but I thought I would this time.

It may be that I am behind the times and anything that Bob or the kids want to see (ie sports or TV programs) can be watched on other devices. 

My concern is that if the kids don't have access to TV, it will isolate them from their peers.  Certainly, sports on TV will help keep up Jake's interest in sports. 

I don't need to discuss this further.  I am sure you have your reasons but I thought I would add my thoughts to the mix.

First of all . . . yes, yes you DO put your 2 cents in, and far more often than you should. Second of all, YOU don't need to discuss this further!? You're going to send me an email, criticizing and judging us, without even knowing the situation, but you don't need to discuss it further?

We don't watch tv. The kids don't ask to watch tv. Monkey basically stopped watching sports when Bob would have them on (which was rarely) about a year ago. We canceled our service after discovering that the rate we had been given a little over a year ago had been a "promotional rate" and that for the past 2 months we'd basically been paying DOUBLE what we had expected. No thank you.

So maybe it's more important to you, dear stepmother, to spend money on things that nobody uses for the sake of having them, but quite frankly we have less than zero disposable income to be throwing away every month on something we don't use. And in fact, we'd looked into getting a digital antenna, but Bob could not get it to work, so we returned it.

The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

And now, the reason why I came online to blog.

I've been updating my resume, as I mentioned. So today was "begin the job hunt day." I sat down a few hours ago to start looking at the first website that was recommended to me . . . and promptly had a panic attack. I don't know what I'm looking for, which makes it harder to put in keywords, and when I DO put in keywords, the stuff that comes back to me scares the crap out of me. Oh, I found a few things that sound intriguing . . . if I want to commute to Hayward or San Jose. I've already decided I cannot do a long commute, for more than one reason. I see how Bob is when he comes home after a long commute, and I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't take the freeway EVER, if I can avoid it. EVER. If there's a surface street that will get me there, I take it. I get panicky in traffic, and there is ALWAYS traffic at commute times. And full time, on TOP of a commute? I would spend every evening in tears. Also, someone needs to be closer to home, in case one of the kids needs us. And the kids. What the heck would happen if neither of us was getting home until 7 PM every day? So I really need part time, and close to home. Uh huh, yeah right.

So I was already in panic mode after looking at the website, and shut down the computer to focus on something else for a while. Not that my brain had gotten the message, because it was still worrying over job stuff. And then I realized . . . the last time I was hired for a job without the benefit of any prior connection was TWENTY THREE YEARS AGO. That's when the full blown major panic attack, complete with tears, started.

I can't text my husband . . . he's dealing with his own stress at work, and what the heck is he going to do for me anyway? He'll just get frustrated with me for bothering him, the same way I got frustrated with Dr. B for only getting in touch with me when they NEED something, and they're PANICKING about it (which happened when I turned on the computer to come blog).

So I came online to blog, and of course discovered that last night's post was AWOL. Which didn't make me happy.

I've calmed down, now. (Thank you, Xanax). I don't know how I'm going to do this.