Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about dreams, today, and dreams.

"'It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.' -JK Rowling. Do you agree with this?"

'Sup y'all? It doesn't feel much like the dawning of a new year, but I've been in an emo mood all day (retrospective, lovelorn, and thoughtful about nothing much as opposed to the smeared black guyliner and angst for the sake of angst). I have other things I could and should be doing, but I'm gonna do what makes me feel best, even though I don't even know how to respond to these prompts today and writing a blog entry wasn't on my list of things to do.

I have a complicated relationship with dreams. I either don't remember them, or they're so vivid that they startle me when I'm awake and coming to. I hate it. In the foggiest mornings, the last thing I want to do is come to grips with the insanity some dreams bring. If I'm lucky enough to sleep, the last thing I want to do when I wake up and am trying to figure my shit out for the day ahead is dealing with the weirdness I had to put up with in my head while I'm under the auspices of Ambien, Doxepin and Gabapentin.

And I don't know that I can honestly agree with the Rowling quote. I mean, it's hard to front on an author who wrote a bazillion-selling franchise, but it's not my taste, those books/movies, and she's kind of a dick from what I've read about her. So I can't take her or what she says at face value, from a personal level. But yo, if you're so stuck up on your dreams that it impedes your personal progress in life, you need to chill. Step back, take some moral running-down of the accountability in your own life, and then proceed. Do not go, and do not collect $200 until you do so. Capisce?

Dreams can fuck you up. Especially if they're about certain people or odd events. I know I've made some kind of mention about this before, but the $100 bill dream comes to mind...I was broke as eff-you-can-see-kay years ago, and dreamed in all sorts of vivid display that I'd found a Benji. So much so that I tore apart everything in 542 (my apartment at the time) that was in the dream when I woke up. Like, there really was a god damned $100 bill somewhere in my house, and I was foolish enough to not put it with the rest of my shit when I emptied my pockets for the day. Talk about a buzzkill. "Yeah! There's money in my jacket pocket! Oh wait...no. Noooo!"

I don't talk about dreams much anymore because people think you're crazy when you tell them you had dreams about them, and everyone else on the internet thinks they're some kind of dreamologist who can diagnose all of your life's problems because you dreamed you were thisclose to partying hardcore with the random girl of your dreams. Fuck that...I don't need to hear it, because I've already been let down by nocturnal mind wanderings. I even tried to talk to my therapist once about it, and he convinced me to start a "dream notebook"...and he never asked me about it again. Jerkoff.

All I can say really is live in the now, if you're taking any advice from me (which I don't recommend doing). Just be thankful that you can easily fall asleep and wake up in the morning without issues. Dreams come and go...it's actions (as I'm sure you well know) that mean more and make you who you are.

"'Forget yesterday-- it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow-- you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift-- today.' Steve Maraboli. Do you agree or disagree with this quote? Why or why not?"

I'm a brooder; a lingering thought-er. I can't think of the right word right now, but I'm that guy. Concerned for stupid reasons over silly things. Too engulfed in my own head sometimes to see the storm that burns the forest full of trees, or whatever that metaphor means. I'm the danger cartoons warn you about. I'm "this is so right though" when you (and I) know it's absolutely wrong. I contemplate to a fault, mainly because I'm over-correcting for random impulsive behaviors and indiscretions of my past.

That said, I don't want my yesterdays to be forgotten, and I'll never stop sweating tomorrow...tomorrows aren't given. But too many todays have sucked and left me falling asleep wondering what's next. Some things...feelings, situations, whatever...can change daily given the person. My bullshit today could be someone else's joy tomorrow, as sick as that sounds. Maybe we're here, and maybe we're not. I don't know. I do what I can to get by, and your higher power can sort out the details.

I don't care if this song is eight minutes long. Strap on some headphones and suck it up. Sometimes music is better appreciated that way. Certain albums deserve the headphones declaration, and this is definitely a "lay down for awhile" song.

"You say it's a good thing
that you float in the air...
that way there's no way I will crush your pretty toenails into a thousand pieces."
Lyrics.  

One of the best articles I've come across in a long time: "What It's Like To Be In Love When You Have Depression"  .

I don't even want to hear about your holiday shopping nightmares. You'll get no sympathy from me  .

Alright...I think I've had about enough of this for one day. I'm off to worry and fret and do the things I've been putting off. Peace, reach out our hands, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!