Shouts From Down Under

The gold - taking it on the chin; enemy of inappropriateness

The juicy, wholesome, full-grain goodness of what is acceptable behaviour, and written work; what was then, and what is now.

Appropriateness evolves, but not in every sense. Some things should be left well alone, or at least kept in the right place, and perspective. I think the word I'm trying to adjust our focus to here, is...

Exposure:

"In 2014, the Ebola virus, widespread theft of personal information, and shocking acts of violence and brutality dominated the news. Vulnerability and visibility were at the core of the year’s most notable headlines.

Encapsulating those themes, Dictionary.com’s Word of the Year for 2014 is exposure."

http://blog.dictionary.com/exposure/

Do you remember that time, everybody has one, that you did something in the heat of the moment, when you got carried away with your own hilarity, and went ahead with something you had a gut feeling was wrong, potentially offensive, or at least bordering on the edge of ignorance and assumption.

Recently I posted a buzzfeed link, on a popular and awesome community site for novelists, and even as I hit the enter key, I knew I'd just done something silly, impulsive, and embarrassingly inappropriate. The site is for writers, but it's definitely family orientated, and not for man-cave or bathroom humour.

Here is the link.

Book titles that don't fit now. (View with caution- It IS hilarious, but not suitable for children...) It's inappropriate...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/15-hilariously-inappropriate-book-titles

The amazingly talented and lovely lady who founded the site, and runs it, immediately messaged me with a kind but firm request to remove my post, saying that while it was very funny, the site is for everyone, and my post sure wasn't.

Even as I read the message, my hand was moving the mouse to delete my "moment of stupidity" in the hope that no one else had witnessed my twat-ness and complete gaffe. I'm so thankful at times like this, that I'm not a politician, or anyone the media would sink their fang$ into for headline material of the scandalous type.

While what I posted wasn't that bad, it could be argued, the fact was, it was very borderline, even for the sort of people, and person, I like to feel I belong with; those who dislike overly raunchy content. Ok, yes, it's funny, it probably does no harm, I should maybe not be so prudish, and all that stuff.

No, it wasn't right, wasn't appropriate for children, or other people who don't like that sort of humour posted in their face. They come on there to relax with like minded peers, not be subject to reading material, even in a link, that is suggestive and worse, no matter how jocular the intention of the postee. (me ).

In a matter of seconds, we'd chatted about the post, about me removing it straight away, about whatever, and then moved on. The world hadn't ended, I wasn't offended, (except perhaps at my own stupidity and slip of a standard I like to set myself, and not expecting this of others either.)

I applaud people like the administrator of that site, for having the guts and gumption, for having the fortitude and strength of character, to pull people up. To go straight to the source of the problem, for pushing past reluctance to intervene, for ignoring the potential offending of the perpetrator of the inappropriate behaviour in that setting, and for doing what is needed as an admin- that of moderating a family orientated site. That, is exactly why the site is so good, so safe, and such a great community.

This lady is a protector of the vulnerable, from those things that aren't necessary for a happy and enjoyable child hood, and things that while may not be that harmful, can be laughed about and enjoyed elsewhere, where the audience is in the frame of mind for, and isn't fazed by, blokey humour.

So why am I going on about this tiny incident? Well, this set me thinking about dental work.



Our eldest son, who lives a sea, and three states distance away, in desperation rang to ask what he could do about excruciating tooth pain. He said it was "unbelievable" and he felt like vomiting from the level. This was late at night, and he was unable to drive to any supermarket or pharmacy. (drug store)

My wife was away, and so out of the same head scratching desperation, I did what all modern, information technology optimised dad would do in these circumstances, and did a Google search, followed quickly by YouTube.

Never fails, especially with weird and wonderful questions at 11:30pm. I was not surprised that lots of videos existed; people from all walks of life had kindly posted their take on what to do about this shocking, sleep depriving, calling-in-sick-for-work-the-next-day, misery maze.

Though in his early 20's, this lad needed something only available from his mum. He really needed a home remedy, and comfort. He needed a care-package that only mothers know how to send through a phone line. (Or microwave tower and satellite uplink)

I was a poor substitute.

And of course, when his mother arrived home, all the strange and oddball recommendations I'd been foisting on our agonised youngster were scoffed at, and dismissed. She rang him with "proper treatment advice".

What has all this guff got to do with writing, novelists or inappropriate behaviour?

Sometimes we can write stuff, complete the work, have that manuscript of paper, or doc. file stored and sit back in that feet up, seat damaging, spine ruining posture, with our hands behind our heads, and let out a satisfied gust of breathy completeness (with fibre and protein enrichment, nothing more, nothing less) and then leave it to a beta reader to enjoy. We won't be surprised, we tell ourselves, at their expressive fervour, and amazed gazes of worship and admiration cast upon our eminence, as they finish reading, and wonder how we wrote such a should-be-published-already book.

But then they delicately and gently point out something in our manuscript that took their breath away.

Not the good type of thing. This took their breath away because it was rotten. It was like a poisonous, foetid face full of bad teeth smell, fair in their recoiling nasal passages that shrieked to escape.

Something, a passage, a chapter, a section of sub-plot, most probably an idea behind some of your characters' activities was offensive.

It was inappropriate. It was offensive. It was like a cavity of decaying, poo-ness. Infectious, disease ridden nastiness that would require immediate treatment, so that only you, and the beta reader, would ever know it had been there.

Yes, your script would need special attention that only an orthodontist, or oral expert, could offer.

Your novel needs dental work.

The pain you feel now, with that pustule of pestilence drawn to your attention, is nothing to what you'll feel if it's left there. Instead of being your own painful, polluted, private part, it will fester, spread, worsen the condition, elevate, grow exponentially into a towering inferno of offended public opinion, and world-wide peer supported derision.

You will be famous for all the wrong reason. And there will be only one person to blame, and it aint your dentist, or editor / beta reader / mentor / advisor / close friend.

It's you, sunshine. (me)

We have a building being repaired here, in our town. by overseas timelines, it isn't that old, but for Australia, at least white man era old-ness (compared to indiginous ownership of untold thousands of years, white man's habitation here is about 5.2 seconds) it is on the upper end of the ancient scale.

There has been carpentry dental work. I can only assume there was some rot in the verandah boards and joists. Whatever. I'm just using this as an illustration.



I'm sure the company doing the work will carry out a very professional refit, whatever the problems. They are experts in building and construction. (Giving them a Tasmanian plug here, worthy of the Presidential Chinese visitors attention, I'm sure http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-11-18/china-president-meets-tassie-devils-during... )



Appropriateness in a lot of instances has changed over the years. What was seen as normal and acceptable behaviour in the past, may not be so now.

Other examples may be of more acceptance of goings on that one time would have had someone locked away, for that stunt.

How do we know if this potential atom bomb of our

mistake
goof
blooper
blunder
impropriety
indiscretion
boner
boo-boo
howler
indecorum
slip
solecism
faux pas
putting foot in mouth

hoopla is so inappropriate? I suppose the solution is to ask someone privately before hand.

And that, is something I wish I had done, and not just this time.

The thing is, if someone does the old sit down and gently tell us a home truth about something we've made ourselves look oh so foolish about, then there are two ways we can react.

Please. Don't be a dufus and take the bad one.

This brave person is NOT YOUR ENEMY.

The enemy you do have, is in yourself. You know very well what it is; pride.

You can take the high road of indignation, defensiveness and denial. You can argue, wave your arms about, try to intimidate, brow beat, bully and even get red in the face from shouting how right you are, and how wrong they are.

And by doing that, no one learns anything, and you've made yourself a complete and utter fool, much worse than before. You've also lost something so valuable and hard to find in this world of apathetic moral weakness we live in.

You've lost a true friend.

In case you don't know what a true friend is, let me explain, as if to a two year old. And that's ok. Children are much more accepting of criticism and potential offence than adults will ever be. They look at it objectively, make a quick decision (mostly) and then move on in the next two seconds.

A true friend is one who will tell you the honest truth, as kindly as possible, and as gently as possible. They will tell you this truth privately, and will tell it in the face of losing your friendship. They will value you more than their own skin.

If you take the high road of arrogant infallibility, and pretend they are wrong along with the rest of the world, and you are the only big headed right one, then you'll get what you aim for; pride and your own lonely idea of self esteem and fame. Enjoy looking in the mirror by yourself, won't you?

Or you can take the second option, of humbleness. No, it's not easy, and the feeling you get after acknowleging your foolishness is a flappy lipped low point indeed. But it's not the end of the world. Look at what you've gained by this approach. You've made a deeper more meaningful relationship with your friend. They'll trust you more in future, and know that they can tell you the truth about yourself. You've gained an insight that enables you to fix the problem, dig out the decaying badness, and let the pothole of plague be healed properly. No hidden stuff to bother your sleep pattern. There are not many ways to find peace like there is when you know you've done what you could to make something right.

It's like when you have a problem with someone. How many of us don't have the courage and gizzard to go to the actual PERSON concerned, and tell them? You may find this easy, but I believe many many people find it difficult, if not impossible. I'm not sure why this is so, but it is with me too.

You end up telling everyone else, and complaining to every person except the one who you have a problem with in the first place.

Yes, this is biblical. Mathew Chapter 18-Verse 15 and so on. It is recorded there that Jesus teaches this very concept. http://www.kingjamesbible.com/B40C018.htm

Even if you aren't a believer, the stuff written in this book can only profit. (if the advice is accepted and used, that is)

Imagine, as J Lennon sang, if we all did this. There would be no wars. Yes, there will always be skirmishes, disagreements, problems and such, and we all have our faults etc, but it wouldn't need to escalate further than a serious sit down chat or two between those relevant parties.

Then, if the one at fault could just accept it as it was given, in kindness and for the right reason, without malice, then the dental work can be done, accepted, problem solves, and everyone move on; everyone forget there was even a problem in the first place. That's forgiveness.

I saw a twitter post where someone was all up in arms about Israel and Palestine and how this one did that, and that one did this, and then he said something like this.

This is outrageous! Something must be done! JESUS COMMANDS IT!

Well mate, really? And how many years have both sides of this religious conflict chosen revenge as the means to solving it?
And how many times has this been successful? A big giant fat ZERO.

And it will never be solved. There will never be peace, while no one wants to accept their own faults, deal with the spirit of hatred and revenge behind those faults, and move on. This is an instance where looking back into the past will never change the future. Arguing will never solve anything.

No, the situation requires dental work. Work in people's hearts. And there's only one that I know of, who has the expertise to do that with any success.

People say that religion and politics shouldn't be part of our novels, and everything should be just comfortable, safe and that. Well, that may be so, but I think it's a fine line between being offensive, inappropriate and having tooth decay in our literature, and on the other hand, being weak, lukewarm, passionless, and of no opinion...

Boring.

That would have to be the worst form of decay and inappropriateness of all.

That is something I fear more than anything that my writing would be boring.


Sparky