Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about the 30DBC, summer funnin', and Hemingway.

30DBC PROMPT: "Welcome to My Life" 

'Sup y'all? Welcome to August first! We haven't gotten any word regarding an unofficial theme for this month's run of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  yet, so I'm taking the "Follow Me" approach...Prosperous Snow celebrating was the first one to post and since I've got nothin' goin' on right now and I'm staring at my laptop (maybe it'll do tricks if I keep at it long enough ), I'm gonna use this opportunity to delve into weird lives. Seeing how other people's lives seem more interesting 'cuz they ain't mine  .

We've all got our traits and tics that endear us to others (and usually drive away the people we didn't really want around anyway). I'll pop this quote as I'm sure I've done time and again..."One man's ceiling is another man's floor" (which can be found in this Beastie Boys   deep album cut from an album that will not be made ever again, stylistically  ). We're all individuals...we're people. We like what we like and we do what we do and if you're into that and wanna go along for the ride, that's cool...if not, that's cool too, yo.

In this day and age there's no shame in being weird, eccentric, or just being who you are. Or at least now that I'm not in high school or living in the communities I grew up in there isn't...mainly because IDGAF about "fitting in" or "conforming". I'm not a happy person by nature, and maybe that stems from never really being accepted because I don't tend to think like the masses and haven't as long as I could remember. The fear of being ostracized because of decisions one makes in their dress, manner of going about things, and general day-to-day stuff fades after awhile. If I wanna wear all-black Chuck Taylors, I'll do that. If I wanna rock Adidas kicks with Nike shorts, that's my choice. So what. Why?

Gotta have enough self-love to get to that point, and it's taken me 39 years to earn that trust in myself to be confident enough not to care what anyone else thinks about my choices. It helps that I've alienated most of the non-believers out there. That's ok...you don't need negativity in your life, and you don't need other people trying to bring you down as a means of making themselves feel better. And I don't feel the need to explain to anyone why I wanted to cultivate dreadlocks or I haven't shaved in one year (exactly, to the day). I'm a grown-ass (short little) man, dawg. I still make questionable decisions and I'm in a position where I can live life on my terms, without having to be accountable for very many others' feelings. Maybe that makes me lucky in my head, much the same as some of you with kids feel lucky for becoming a parent. Maybe I'd be in your boat instead, and life would've been totally different were that my case, but I also know at any given moment since I first started producing legit baby batter I've never been in a fully comfortable situation where I'd want to be responsible for the life of a child. Would my outlook have changed if I was gifted with a reasonable babymomma and the fruit of our loins? Probably...but there's no sense getting into all of that now and I very likely veered off-track from the gist of this cut.

I guess the point I'm making is that because there's no one telling me what I should be wearing, or worrying about if I'm clean-shaven, or whether or not I'm presentable for dinner, then it shouldn't matter to you or anyone else...and frankly, as much as I love you guys for reading this, I'm not overly concerned with what you guys and gals are into or look like. Just be you. I judge you more on your words rather than appearances, and even then I'm fairly lenient (unless I'm judging the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" ...then I'm kinda a prick). I'm a fair, halfway decent brotha, and y'all are some mostly good people...no need to tarnish our online exposures to each other by being whack-jobs or the like (and no, I'm not singling out anyone...we've all got our reasons for letting go and gut-spilling). Weird is good, most of the time...it makes us who we are and distinguishes us from the herd. I'm proud of all the looks I get, and I'm excited to call you guys friends, even when I'm pretty sure I won't bump into most of you somewhere along the line. I'm not tryin' to give anyone hope, but hell, I didn't know two years ago I'd be transplanting myself from Buffalo to Cortland, so I guess you can never know what'll happen.

BCF PROMPT: "What was the most fun thing you did this summer?"

We're still in the throes of summer, my boy CJ Reddick ! August isn't even over yet (although I guess some kids have already gone back to school). I don't start classes until the end of the month, and typically us WNY kids never started until after Labor Day anyway. I've still got a month to make this the Best Summer Ev-arrrrhhh!!

But I probably won't, and that's cool. Ain't much to do around here anyway and it's not like I'm rollin' with wads of disposable income. I'd rather not find myself entrenched with any scenes or new fake friends. Besides, I have too much going on right now that I need to remain upright for. Let's see if I make some sweet friends in the coming year, and then maybe I'll allow myself to get unhooked chain-wise next summer. Confidence is a funny thing like that.

But if I'm gonna be real about this summer, my trips back to The 'Lo have been pretty baller...more fun than I have in Cortland, at least. Seeing some old friends, falling asleep to ESPN on my ma's couch, not really having to worry about much...it's been good times. Helping my mom out with a garage sale, hangin' out with my brother and his friends as opposed to not getting along at all growing up, it's been cool. I'm taking part in their worlds. I'm appreciative, thankful, and glad. I'd love to stick a pic of me and Doug in here, but Facebook is kinda broken right now or else I would. Besides, you don't need another pic of my fat ass (yes y'all, I'm still hung up about all the weight I've gained being on anti-depressants and having a leg that wouldn't help me get anywhere enough to eat right).

UPDATE: Facebook's back up. Summer funnin', had me a blast...

Now I need me some goin' and eatin's.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

The first jagoff that fronts with summer lovin'   will have them a blast...of my undying dislikeage.

"I think god is moving its tongue...there's no crowd in the streets
and no sun in my own summer."
Lyrics.  

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"In Writer's Digest, I read about Ernest Hemingway having a lot to say about writing. He has been well quoted since his birth 115 years ago. Pick one of Papa's quotes and create your blog entry with that as your focal point. This can go in many directions depending on your choice of quote. If you have a favorite Hemingway book, please share that too!"

I feel a little outta the loop...I never had to read Hemingway growing up, so I didn't. I had a book or two of his on my TBR pile, but I never got to them and I no longer have any of the books I worked so hard for as a Borders employee. Stupid hatin' ex, ownin' all my cool shit.

But with the help of this website, which accumulates quotes from famous people  , I've come up with this: "That terrible mood of depression of whether it's any good or not is what is known as 'The Artist's Reward'." Oh, you write too once in awhile? Is it any good? Me neither...how do I know?

Y'all know what I'm talkin' about. It takes a certain bit of confidence to expose yourself to the world just through a blog. Poetry though...is a whole 'nother different animal. We can finish a poem and feel super awesome about it, and revisit it a day or two later and think it totally sucks. "Why did I waste so much time writing that? Nobody's gonna like it!" And maybe a month or two later you stick it in your WDC port...in the minutes coming after that there's a paranoia that sets in which includes thoughts of "OMG, someone's gonna read this" and perhaps you're terrified of negative reviews...or worse, it's not gonna do as well as you thought it'd might the minute you got the feeling of it being finished.

I'm a 13+ year veteran of WDC, and I still don't have the answers for you. My port has poems in it, and they're not proof of some system that "works" in terms of getting reviews. In fact, I'm damn near positive most of my reviews have come from folks I don't know, who've clicked the "Random Read" feature (probably during a review challenge). My personal poetry stash far outnumbers the portfolio limits WDC has set up, so for me to add something new, it'd take a hella lotta confidence in me to do so (at the cost of removing something else I really like). Is that our "reward" for being prolific and somewhat talented? I don't know. Is what we do often thankless and unheralded? More often than not. I'd go as far as saying 90% of us (maybe more) will never know what it's like to have a book of any sort published/distributed. We need to get over ourselves, our egos, and our outsized dreams of being big, famous, jerky people who know how to effectively string lots of sentences and thoughts together to be sold for profit. Is it good to dream? Sure...but get real. I'd like to be 26 with a shot again at every single hot chick I ever dated in my entire life, but that's not happenin'. Even if you self-publish...what are the odds you're gonna get stupid loaded off it, or even sniff the Bestseller Lists?

Start small...build up your confidence and make sure you're able via word-of-mouth to spread your name (and not your legs). Once you've exhausted all your energy low-cost resources, you should have a better idea whether or not you wanna try to swim with the sharks. Your WDC fans here can only take you so far.

Big ups to my boy Charlie ~ for winning a 12-month WDC upgrade and having it transferred over to me. One less thing I have to worry about soon, and the generosity has not gone unnoticed, my brother.

Science was one of my least favorite classes back in the day...but have you checked out Matt Bird MSci (Hons) AMRSC 's new off-site blog, It Is All Science  ? So cool, and informative. Seems like the perfect vehicle to bring the subject enjoyably to the masses. I'm a subscriber...support a fellow WDC member and join up as well.

And that's August first in the bag for today...peace, tell me when it's over, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!