Who do I still think I am??

This one's about expectations, a magazine, and museums.

30DBC PROMPT: "Confucius say 'To go beyond is as wrong as to fall to short.' Do you agree or disagree?"

'Sup players? We're being spread deep with all sorts of culture today regarding these prompts...I'm making no excuses if I fail to inspire your philosophic senses, because I don't claim to be very well-versed on all the topics.

For as wise as Confucius is said to be, I think I have to disagree with him on this one...and I think some of my blogging cohorts might not agree with my take, but that's ok. Let's have at this.

You're all familiar with the idea of "going above and beyond", right? Well, the point I'd like to make is what if that's not as appreciated as you'd hoped it'd be? What then is the difference between that and falling short of expectations (outside of the quote-unquote personal satisfaction in a job well done bullshit we're all supposed to have anyway)?

Oh boy...we're not even ten sentences into today's entry and I've already opened the swearing floodgates. We could be in for a long afternoon.

I don't think anyone likes falling short. Nobody wakes up and says, "Today I'm not gonna live up to any expectations." We'd all like to believe that if we can't be overachievers, then maybe we can at least do enough to get by and hope it's a good day or whatever. I'd like to believe the majority of human beings have decent intentions and strive not to be dicks among society in general (even the snarkiest of us are still good people at heart). Sometimes we need to do the bare minimum   to get through the day, and that's quite understandable...not every day is rainbows, boobies, and long walks barefoot on a clean beach. So why oh why, dear Confucius, must "going beyond" be as intolerable as "falling short"?

That makes no kinda sense to me. People should be celebrated for this. It takes a certain amount of stamina, sense of the situation, and heightened concern to do more than what is required of you. Is there disappointment in not being recognized for it? Sure, but only if you let it affect you. I don't see how that feeling is the same as not doing enough...especially when it doesn't bother you to fail under some circumstances. Hey, I'm a blogger, not a life-saver. I'm not trained in the finer points of rescue awareness. I can only do so much and as long as I did that then I should be satisfied knowing that old lady I tried to help across the street and refused me died with the knowledge that someone cared enough to offer her assistance before a semi splayed her guts across the intersection. Sad and unfortunate, but I get to live to fight another day.

Maybe Confucius needs to stick to humorous anecdotes and musings about normal, everyday life like "Man who stand on toilet high on pot." I don't think he's that much more qualified to say anything of greater importance in regards to things like expectations, seeing as how he kinda fucked up the whole "going above and beyond" concept with one crack about it maybe being similar to failing. Jerk.

BCF PROMPT: "What is your favorite magazine? Why? Do you read it on-line or off-line?"

I do have a favorite magazine, and thanks for asking. It's Rolling Stone  , and I don't think I could really pinpoint a reason for wanting to read it so much when I was younger. Maybe you could appreciate this, ma (yeah, my mom reads my blog and I'm not ashamed)...my aunt used to subscribe to it, and I remember her getting her mail one day when we stayed at her condo. I thought it was the coolest thing for some unknown reason. I couldn't wait to be old enough to have my own money and become a subscriber.

It's a nice mix of music and entertainment news (and if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a music nerd with my own dorky little Facebook page dedicated to such things over at A Song A Day  ), plus political and social commentary. What works against me though is that I'm old-school...I prefer holding things in my hands to read (such as books and magazines) and since the subscription gifted to me last year ran out, I haven't been able to renew it and I don't check my email nearly enough to read all of the daily newsletters RS sends out. You'd think with all the time I have to waste online, at least I could do that. Nope...for some reason I like reading the print copy and its weeks-behind articles. Preferably while sitting on the toilet. Confucius, what do you have to say about "man who reads while sitting on toilet"? There's a philosophical joke in there somewhere...Welcome to a new game here at "Who do I still think I am??"  called "Comment Prompt", where I give you the ammunition to make a comment based on something I randomly say about my life in a blog post. Remember...the only winners are the ones who take the time to read what I have to say, and the prize is seeing your words in this newfangled WDC font that's been enlarged recently and is easier to read when perusing the internet via Google Chrome.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I have no idea what I was thinking earlier this morning as I was making notes for what I'd like to write about while killing time before my therapist session, but this song popped up and I wrote it down. It has no relevance (unless I can tie it into the "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise"  prompt) at all, other than Nirvana's In Utero   is a sonic masterpiece and a breakthrough follow-up album in a genre that was just starting to see its full potential being realized. It's also, in my opinion, the finest example of Dave Grohl's drumming prowess.

"There are countless formulas for pressing flowers."
Lyrics.  

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"If you were going to an art museum, would you rather see paintings or sculptures? Do you like older ones or modern ones?"

Now I know why I went with Nirvana as a musical choice today. Bear with me, as my notes about this are lengthier than usual.

I'm not nearly as cultured as I should be, or at least someone on the cusp of turning 39 should be. I definitely feel like I missed out on some opportunities to gain a little more knowledge about the art world...it fascinates me, but I can't just bring myself to go, ya know? Last time I visited an art museum, it was the historic Albright-Knox   in Buffalo, and mainly I was there with the crazy ex to see Wilco, who were performing on the lawn as part of a festival. In a two-and-a-half year relationship with a girl who was stupid hot that lasted three years too long, holding her under the downtown stars during "Kingpin"   is likely one of the best memories we have. But going on about her will take more than I care to get into right now.

The deal with most museums is they're filled a lot of times with great stuff you can see in books too. It's already been discussed and disseminated. It's old news. I honestly don't remember any of the times I've been inside the AKAG, I think because you can get "legendary overload" after seeing so many great things...I was at the Smithsonian in Washington DC back in '89 and I don't remember much of that either.

But that's also why I prefer "new stuff"; sculptures or paintings. There's more of a feeling of being "in the now" with it. There's a chance that it could be groundbreaking, live...a movement might be happening under your feet. It's a ridiculous thing to comprehend at the time, but in retrospect you remember everything that went on during that time that a certain bit of art moved you in a way that your life changed.

And that's why I'm going back to Nirvana. I won't get into the details of how I came across the seminal album "Nevermiind"  , but being an impressionable teenager when it came out is akin to The Beatles blowing the doors off the sixties. Change and revolution...important ingredients for being involved in any sort of sea change the world ahead of you is going through (personal or societal). You can be a kid and hear Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin and have your mind blown, and go back to the record store (or iTunes) and download the catalog. But to live in the era of something that changes everything is incredible, and Nirvana personified that...at least for me.

Maybe that's why I get so pissed off when someone says "music isn't art". It totally is, just as much as painting, sculpting, and writing. Most people front because they don't understand it...the obtuse guitar noises or the wicky-wicky's from a turntable looping sounds are just as significant a presence as any jackhole who had the capability to publish a book in the 1940's. Respect that. Unless you're gonna be a Top 40 pop princess, you have no right to say whatever's popular, likable, or even significant to some segment of the emotional population has no right to be so lucky. And that's why I have no problem with new or fantastical things. I just need to get out more and see them, become a fan, and pump their tires. There's a whole world underneath the bullshit you're being fed via the mainstream...you just need the sack to seek it out. Stop being safe...start exploring and quit doing entertainment-style maths. You'll thank me someday for it.

I understand that this is completely irrelevant to anything I've written today, but c'mon...this list of of what people find when cleaning up hotel rooms   is at least kinda humorous (and maybe a little gross). It makes my experience of living in a (not quite) cheap motel a few summers back not seem so bad.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's the sore-throated feeling I get when talking about my least-favorite subject...me. I know I extol the virtues of therapy and all, but it's physically painful. I sit there and I open up and blab, because I hate awkward silences and my therapist seems determined to make that a thing between us. "So how's your mood been, besides the random stress and awkwardness?" And my answer never seems to reflect the true nature of what I've felt in the month between visits...it feels more like a synopsis of my current week or last few days or whatever. I don't think he's so concerned about my life as he is about making the next appointment, and we've covered all the scientific breakthroughs we're gonna get to in this quasi-medical relationship. I know I say it all the time, but it really might be time to seek out a new counselor in the group that accepts my insurance. Someone who doesn't seem bored with my boring life, and isn't so monotone in his replies. Dude's gotta be younger than me, and surely he has to be more excitable...which maybe is what I need now at this point.

Annnnnd I'm getting out of here. I hate it when I have to pause the writing of an entry because I think a nap's coming on and it turns into a three hour thing. I'm kinda not wanting to wake up too much so I can parlay this and some Ambien into a full night's sleep. So on that note, lemme get outta here and see what y'all are up to. Peace, I promise not to sell your perfumed secrets, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!