Off the Cuff / My Other Journal

Indoor Traffic Control

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic," said a newscaster, once. Inside my house, everything and everyone blocks traffic, due to long narrow corridors and a kitchen that is reminiscent of a galley. Those who designed this place must have had a fetish with long and narrow. Yet, the rooms are large and that's what sold the house to us.

One thing though. Traffic in my house is like the American Congress. Any time we think we are going somewhere, we hit another jam, and foot traffic congestion adds to the frustration of not getting anything done.

Thus, if I were to put up traffic signs, the corridors would definitely get Pedestrian Walkway signals. In the rooms, One Way arrows for situations around the tables and other furniture so the place does not have traffic pileups and hazardous conditions. No Passageway signs or blinking lights in the middle sections of the two living rooms are also needed, depending on which room my husband is watching TV. Walking between his chair and the TV equals driving through a red light and is punishable by cranky behavior.

In the master bedroom, his side and her side are private property that deserve warning signs, saying, No Tresspassing // Access without Permission is Prohibited.

Into the entrance to the study, which is another narrow corridor, may be Active Driveway/ Do Not Park Here, inside the study, at the desk and computer, Slow Down, at the computer chair, Dead End, and behind the computer table, Hidden Computer Drives (Cords)/ Slow Down.

In addition, during the tile cleanups, those yellow cones that say Caution/ Cuidado, Wet floor/Piso Mojado are needed, as well as portable entry barriers on two sides of the corridors or the kitchen, cordoned off with two-sided Caution belts for pedestrian warning or for fallen food items and cutlery. And especially when I am working in the kitchen, Private Driveway/ Do Not Block; on top of the sink, Wet Sinkhole, Use Water with Caution; on the stove, Fire Lane / Tow-Away Zone, and near the oven, Fire Zone 2/ Keep Clear at All Times.

Yet the most necessary signs have to favor us, the dashing desperados, with a Hollywood Bowl Traffic Lights System for toilets to indicate in which of the four bathrooms the seat is up or down.

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Prompt: If you had traffic signs in your house, your office any space you spend frequent time what would they say? Would there be more than one?