Who do I still think I am??

This one's about reality tv, 600, and spontaneity.

30DBC PROMPT: "Reality TV. Go ahead, make fun of it. You know you want to. Also, list at least 3 humorous ideas for reality TV shows. For the overachievers, do more."

Hey yo...welcome back to a Funny Friday edition of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" ! I used to get annoyed the last couple of months during Emily 's run as 30DBC host because people started complaining that Funny Friday and the entries it spawned weren't funny, and while I can sorta see the point, it kinda broke my heart a little because all I wanna do is be funny, and if I can't be funny then what have I got? I know a little about a lot of stuff, but I don't know every topic well enough to sound like I even know a smidgen of what I'm talking about, and the only proper workaround for me is to retaliate with some kind of comedic nonsense (which is sometimes comedic, and more often nonsense). And to the many detractors' credit, sometimes Funny Friday prompts haven't always led to truly funny responses. Talking seriously about humor doesn't equal comedy gold very often.

But I think we can all agree that reality television is the one thing in our society we can universally acknowledge as being unintentionally funny. We can laugh at its absurdity because for the most part it's ridiculous people doing bizarre and unimaginable things under the guise of "entertainment". It's ironic that rich people used to hire poor street performers for pennies on the dollar to provide some entertainment that they would later mock them for; now, it's all of us regular people mocking celebrities for attempting to do "real people" stuff and seeing them fail miserably, or watching one super rich person turn down other equally loaded suitors only to see his or her final relationship crumble in the tabloids, or rooting for average folk to not get their hopes and dreams shot down by people whose only virtue is that they somehow got lucky a decade or two earlier by discovering talent or being discovered while doing some inane chore like dishwashing or collecting garbage and moonlighting on weekends as a lounge singer for a paltry percentage of the bar's revenue plus tips.

Where would television programmers be today without reality television and the current crop of prime-time pseudo "game shows"? In decades like the sixties and seventies, you could count on contestants being "real people", but concepts dwindled along with the tightening of sponsorship budgets, and only a few long-time staples of that genre remain. Without Survivor, American Idol, and all the other nonsense we're being spoon-fed now, would we actually see more creative writing in sitcoms and televised dramas? Would eighties prime-time soap opera dramas like Dynasty, Dallas (the original and not the campy reboot) and Knots Landing still pull in ratings? Could other shows that may have been pushed aside in favor of fluff have captured our hearts and raised social consciousness the way Friends or All In The Family did? It's too bad that we'll never really know, given all of the research and development dollars we've wasted on colossal failures like Joe Millionaire and Wipeout. What we really need are some down-to-earth reality programs that everyone can relate to...and here's where I come in. Let's take three concepts (because I'm not feeling very overachiever-ish today...sorry, Jack-check out 7YS ) that may actually have some credence (if not big-money backing) that could appeal to a skeptical yet curious audience.

Who Wants To Be A Mayor? Interested candidates in small-ish towns would vie for the opportunity to become the big cheese in their little village. They would get some hands on, non-partisan training at the hands of the current mayor (who's agreed to step down or retire), and everyone would go through the day-to-day trials and tribulations of what it's like having to actually run something, free from bullshit politics (ie: the police department wants more freedom to be dicks; the school board wants to establish a prayer room). Contestants would run through a series of events, such as: who has the best garden, who actually participates in volunteer-based activities, and the Tap-Water Challenge, where the person who can drink the most municipal water in a 24-hour period will move on to the final public vote...which is only advertised via community newspapers (megacorp news groups are banned from promoting the proceedings) and consists of hanging a certain colored flag from a porch or a window. The winner then has to be a fucking mayor...not a pawn in political games, and not a figurehead, but an actual mayor, ruling the place like they're a god damn uncorrupted mayor.

Fast Food Olympics Teams assembled of teenagers, middle-aged divorced moms and stoner college dropouts compete in tasks like delivering fresh, hot french fries, filling orders with 100% accuracy during lunchtime rushes while pacifying those in need of extra ketchup packets and drink refills, and making food that looks exactly like the pictures on menu boards and commercials. The winning team gets an all-expense paid trip to Hamburger U  , where they'll learn the finer arts of failing at life once and for all.

Role Reversal: Extreme Couponer Edition Y'all know 'em, and maybe you're one of 'em...those people who hoard coupons and wait for sales so they can buy tons of irrelevant everyday products for next-to-nothing. They shop like it's a job...and maybe if they had one they wouldn't need to feel like they have to purchase 27 bottles of shampoo, 86 cans of tuna fish, and 111 candy bars all at once. This show actually hires them at the stores they pilfer stock from, and puts them in the place of the employees they constantly inconvenience and piss off the most ("Do you have any more in the back? It was in your ad yesterday, and there was only eighteen smashed around as best they could fit on the shelf that's only supposed to hold six."). There they get to see how it is the retail half of their affliction lives...having to scan all the coupons in the correct order to come up to a number that only is attainable in the jaded consumer's head, and doing so in a fashion that "keeps the line moving" and "being cheerful" while answering the phone and trying to take care of the tasks an already taxed management staff expects you'll complete in a timely fashion. There are no winners here. At best, the retail world will lose another potential headache, and someone will realize that the overall aggravation just isn't worth it.

But for my money, as much as I absolutely can't stand television and reality tv to begin with, I'd go all-in on a 30-Day Blog House, like I alluded to in "This one's about science, a sentence, and a lesson." . Put me, Charlie ~ , Mitchopolis , Brother Nature , Lyn's a Witchy Woman , Julie D - PUBLISHED! , Creeper Of The Realm , Prosperous Snow celebrating , Future Mrs. Boo , and a few of you others in a house during an official round of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , add some cameras, and get us to talk about blogging and life in that house while our man 30DBC Creator/Founder hosts/officiates and provides some prompts and other curiosities. Maybe Wordsmitty ✍️ can oversee. We can get some visits from pinkbarbie, LostGhost: Seeking & Learning , and Elle - on hiatus . lizco252 can be the house DJ. Jeff could handle the made-for-tv aspect. I'd watch that happen. Y'all would too. We'd be really real, or something. Maybe being in a reality show would change my perception of them. I know if I felt like it was something I could relate to, I'd at least be interested in watching one.

BCF PROMPT: "Have you ever been in a situation where someone doubted you and you proved them wrong? Tell us about it."

GAH!! I'm supposed to be intimidated by the "Blogging Circle of Friends " 's opening caveat, WARNING: BLOGGER BEWARE! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN ON DAY 600. Like y'all are gonna scare me...as if I have any shits left to give. For real...congrats to the BCOF for making it to 600...it's not like I knew you wouldn't. I'm just glad you didn't go down with Cindy-Cindy-Bo-Bindy, falling victim to the monopolization of blogging syndicates here on WDC (and if you think that's not a thing, y'all just don't know how weird things have been with some people in charge of certain activities and the pull others wanted to have). But I don't care about that. Last time I checked, this here blog was only about me-things...my blog fam is cool, and I love this place but it's not gonna interfere with my life at all. Call me borderline WDC-dependent.

My whole life has been a series of being doubted and then proving people wrong. Really. Doubt me and I find a way...at least when it comes to my successes and not my self-esteem issues. Picked last in gym class? I was willing to do what others wouldn't and became good at it. I'm not smart enough for the smart kid classes? Yeah I am, and I accepted no less in high school (most of the time). Demoted from a job because of a customer complaint that was out of my control...the day before I was to start my vacation so I could move to another apartment (a vacation I'd already been denied of), and then vindicated because I made the best of a bad situation? There's a long list of shit I've had to wade through constantly to clear my name from.

Don't you ever assume...you never know what's behind these eyes, and you can't possibly see what a person has been through based on appearance. As the realization gets realer regarding my going back to school in late August, I'm sure I'll run into a new crop of sheep who think I'm useless and can't do anything for myself. And I'm a lazy motherfucker, but I'll be damned if I let some little punk-ass kid call me that...I've probably puked up more expectations when I was five or...or...yeah...

Don't fuck with that guy. He knows.

I'm a big ol' bowl of how you like me now wrapped in a crispy candy center, but I'm pretty over the failings of those before me. I've been fortunate enough to make my mark in the grown-up world wherever I've been, making enough people eat shit along the way. But I'll tell you what...as tiring as it gets at times, I'd rather keep proving myself and forcing success than settling for dealing with wondering why I'm always coming up short in someone else's mind. I don't have time to waste on consciously stickin' it to too many people, and the energy that something like that takes isn't worth the satisfaction. Either you're with me or you're against me...and thanks for being a part of the ride if you're here. If not, well, peace out bitches.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

You can't front on MistaChuck droppin' what's real on yo ass.

"Grown folks doin anything to be some known folks."
Lyrics.  

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?"

I have a habit of thinking in scattershot terms, so being spontaneous is great but also fleeting because it's not always memorable. Or, I do a lot off off-the-cuff stuff I'd rather forget.

Long-time readers (circa 199x may remember from my early days in the blogging world my references to Cool Shit Nicole...a girl I'd dated for a few months and then mutually decided to part ways amicably only to remain friends with and hoped I'd refer to her as "Cool Shit Nicole".

While we were boyfriend/girlfriend, her dad gave us tickets to a Sabres game for her birthday. It happened to be "Elvis Night" at what was then known as HSBC Arena. For the record, I am not an Elvis   fan. We sat through some shoddy impersonators during the intermissions, and after the Sabres beat the Montreal Canadiens we made our way toward the exit like the rest of the crowd.

Being the silly bastard in love that I was, on the way out with the herded masses I overheard the PA system playing "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You". I dragged my girlfriend, Cool Shit Nicole, off to the side and into an aisle entrance for an impromptu slow dance away from the crowd. To complete the "Awww!" moment, the next morning when she came over I left little notes directing her to my stereo, where I had this   cued up.

We almost died in the snowstorm on the way home from that game, but I inadvertently saved our lives in the panic of nearly sliding into a tree when I flinched so hard I knocked the Pontiac Sunfire's gearshift into neutral and slowed our uncontrolled skid into a harmless slide that stopped inches short of the tree. I think we had crazy great "OMFG we just survived that" sex the following morning, as opposed to the "Awww, you just slow-danced me in public" kind of anti-sex shaming that some girls might've sprung.

Happy French Connection   Day!

7/11/14

Alright well, I'm kinda gassed from the space bar not really working for this entry ("compressed air" my ass) and I'm sick of backspacin'. Peace, how low can we go, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!