Off the Cuff / My Other Journal

Swan Song

An Anaïs Nin quote says, "It is in the moments of emotional crisis that human beings reveal themselves most accurately."

Life in its essence is emotional, as it happens probably by accident, depending on which sperm will catch which egg. In my first form, that is eight to nine months before my birth, I must have had such a crisis, to be followed by the many my time-span has presented and will present. When life is over, although many of us grieve over the potential wasted in needless death, it will probably be the last emotional crisis for me. I am predicting--or foreboding, if you insist--that my last words will be: "Phew! Thank God!"

Surely this is an exclamation, and as exclamations go, their meaning is more in the way we say them than in the words they contain. As such, I am guessing my last words will cover many meanings.

The first meaning may mean, "Thank God, this hardship is over." Life is not easy, since we are always under an emotional bombardment as the results of different kinds of events. Each day we wake up and wonder or plan on how we'll handle the shelling and protect ourselves the best. Still there are plenty of times when we get hit broadside and collapse.

The second meaning may mean, "Thank God, I'm all done without making too much fuss, taking up precious space, or hurting others." This feeling comes to me partially from the Hippocratic Oath of "according to my ability and my judgment and I shall never do harm to anyone." Not that I have taken that Oath, but I value the never-doing-harm bit in it, at least knowingly. Unknowingly, I am sure I have hurt someone or other, but it was never intentional.

The third meaning will have to do with thanking for the opportunity of life, for what I experienced, for what I learned. Then the other meanings can be grouped under this third meaning of feeling my thanks.

I'll feel grateful for to have had the courage to dive into my own wreck, looking and searching inside, and surviving, and in doing so, to have done justice to my own complexity, mainly for the outcome of to have broken down self-delusion and isolation, and being acquainted with love, especially agápe; for when love is spiritual, it encompasses everything, everyone, and all kinds of love.

Then, I shall be deeply thankful for the people. "We can count on so few people to go that hard way with us." Yet, so many have opened my heart and mind, awakening me to a world and possibly many worlds that I would have missed, if it weren't for them. Most of the time, I didn't search for those people; they were cast in my way by fate, karma, synchronicity or coincidence, in whichever terms you wish to put it.

Another area to give thanks for are in the material that was thrown on my way, such as books, arts and crafts, music, and other such media that changed me, places I visited or moved into, and people and ideas I met and came to love.

While saying that phrase, "Phew, Thank God!" I am hoping I shall be experiencing an eventless death in my bed, hopefully during sleep, without being a burden to anyone. I don't even care whether or not someone who thinks he is godly gives me my last rites. Who cares about the last rites after being granted all the rights that life has offered?

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Prompt: These are my final words. In many movies characters are given that moment right before they die to say their final words. What will be your final words?
Optional Bonus: What are the circumstances of your dramatic demise?