Who do I still think I am??

This one's about kids and competition.

30DBC PROMPT: "Invalid Entry" , courtesy of BillieGail memory of Cheyenne .

What's up y'all? Interesting prompt from BillieGail memory of Cheyenne today, who asks "How would your life be different if you didn't have children? Or, if you don't have children, how would it be if you had children?" That's a good question, because once you have children there's no going back to how life used to be- it's a permanent decision. On the other hand, I suppose you could choose not to have kids, or put it off and keep puttin' it off until eventually you can't have kids- that's permanent too, but on slower build.

Now, I don't have kids but I know a lot of you do (at least most of you that I've known through here for a decent amount of time. I know Charlie ~ doesn't. Some of you, I'm not sure of...maybe I knew at one point and forgot. Lyn's a Witchy Woman 's kids are grown, and so's brothernature's. But your lives aren't the purpose of today's entry (sorry not sorry), so I'll continue.

It's hard for me to speculate what life would be like at 38 with kids. It'd mean erasing every memory from a certain point on and imagining that void filled with my babymama and however many kids we'd have...and the older I get the harder that is to do. I think (and this is just my opinion) that while being a parent is a wonderful and awesome and rewarding thing, you parents have the easier answer here...oh sure, you love your kids and wouldn't trade them for the world, but about twenty seconds later y'all be ramblin' off fifty-six different things off the top of your head you and your spouse would've done had you not had them. And you laugh because you know this!! Gotta say the right things first..."such a blessing", "changed my world", "never in my life I'd imagined I..."; but then you're all like "Bungee jumping!" "Road trip to Vegas!" "We probably wouldn't even be together." "We'd have so much time and money and food and less stress!" True story, and I know. You don't live to be 38 and not at some point wind up dating a woman who has kids of her own.

Meanwhile, I'm over here watching the last 5-15 years or so of my life flash in front of my eyes as it evaporates into "I had an accident in my pants", "I fell out of a tree and I think it's broken" and "Can you pick us up from practice and take us to the mall?" It's depressing because that doesn't come with the actual joy one feels when they bring a child into the world for real. It's something that you can read all the books in the world about, and think you're prepared, and you know life's gonna never be the same, but until you're holding that life that you helped create, you really don't know what it's gonna feel like. I know this much though...babies change people (most people, at least). You see it all the time, and even when you look back at friends who've had babies five or ten years ago, you can tell their identity is completely different than it would be had they not become a parent.

I don't know what kind of dad I'd be or how having kids would've affected me...for a multitude of reasons, I've never reached the point with someone where we were mutually comfortable with introducing another life into this world. And while that was the right choice for the time, that's not to say I wouldn't have been able to adapt or accept or learn what parenthood was all about. Nowadays, I'm not really upset over it. I'm looking at a life-altering long-term decision about my own future coming up that might end any hope of me ever becoming a father...and I'm ok with that. Will part of me feel like I'm missing something? Sometimes. But I figure I know enough folks with kids already, so I can enjoy all the fun aspects of childhood again and eventually they'll get tired and go home and become their parents' problem concern...sounds like a win-win situation to me.

BCF PROMPT: "Are you a better sport as an adult or more competitive than you were as a child?"

I think it all depends on the situation (wow, what a copy/paste answer that is!). If we're over at "Invalid Item"  and we're throwin' darts, I'm gonna wanna kick your ass. If we're shootin' baskets down at the park, I'm gonna wanna make it home in one piece and be able to move the next day. Twenty years ago both scenarios would've been a lot different...probably the exact opposite.

Competitiveness is based on our nature, I believe: some are born determined not to lose at anything, no matter what, while the rest of us don't care as long as we're having a good time. Some people prioritize winning almost to a fault because it hurts too much to accept less, and some never had much and learned to make do with whatever's available.

Me? I'm a yapper. I'm not havin' fun unless I can talk a little trash, and ya can't flap gums if you're not runnin' game. Losing sucks like that. But as long as the game's fair and the attitude ends when the competition's over, it's all good.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

"50 percent of all American households are destroyed by divorce." That's what the sentence at the beginning of this video says. There's no guarantee that my life right now would be any different had I had kids. Maybe I'd be divorced instead of just single, and there's a chance if that were the case that I'd still be living where I am regardless. Obviously my outlook on life would be substantially altered, having children that were a bigger part of my life for so long, but the possibility that I could end up in the same place would still exist under those circumstances...kinda mind-blowing.

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

So was yesterday/today like some big crazy weekend where everyone got married when yesterday/today fell on a weekend however many years ago? I finished up my entry last night, opened Facebook, and there were like six different people who were all wishing their spouses a happy anniversary. And some of those weddings I was at! Did the Farmer's Almanac predict good crops and pleasant weather for June 9th-10th during the late nineties and early aughts? Anyway, a very Happy Anniversary to everyone who's had an anniversary in the last year or so. There...I'm good for another year regarding that.

So I'm on the bus this morning on the way to PT, and I've got the bus to myself. I'm anticipating a nice, quiet ride...I'm tired, and hearing people's random bullshit has been a trigger lately for anxiety and aggravation. So we pull into a retirement complex, and here comes a whole posse of old ladies, ready to board. If I wasn't still sleepy I may have gone through the roof, because they all have to talk at the same time, they're all right about whatever they're discussing, and of course each of them wants to gossip with the bus driver. I believe it was a sneak-preview of what my personal Hell will look like when I'm no longer a member of the Earth's society...because Hell is karma, and I haven't always gotten along so well with most members of the generations that have walked this world before me.

Oh...two things on the ledger I've been meaning to advertise here but keep forgetting. Spread the word if you know someone who might be interested. As many of you are aware, Emily is leaving WDC and the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  will need someone to take her place on a full-time basis. Thankfully 30DBC Creator/Founder has stepped up in the meantime to help with the transition to the next leader of the longest-running group of bloggers on WDC and he's done a fantastic job, but I'm worried that future rounds may be cancelled if Earl can't continue and no one else is willing to accept responsibility for the group. So contact Emily if you're interested. Also, many of you are subscribers of The Blogging Bliss (WDC's Unofficial Blogging Newsletter)- and if you're not, what are you waiting for?- and Wordsmitty ✍️ is looking for an intern editor to take Emily's position. Currently Smitty's got me and brothernature helping him out...gathering features, suggesting entries we'd wish to highlight, proofreading, all that stuff. We're reorganizing a bit and if you think you'd like to join our team, we'd love to hear from you (and as always, don't forget to give us some feedback over at the "Blogging Bliss Newsletter Forum"  as well...you might see your blog featured ).

Ok, glad I got all that off my chest. Put it in the books. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Peace, hope you enjoy it this time, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!