Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

Bet on your Baby?

Being an avid television watcher (addict, however you want to phrase it), I'm sad to learn the inevitable has happened. Yes, I know, it has been coming for awhile; I just hadn't prepared myself. The world has officially run out of ideas for tv shows.

This became exceedingly clear to me this evening while I aimlessly flipped through the channels. You see, I have to limit the amount of time I allow myself to watch the Investigation Discovery channel. I think that's what it is called - it's the show with all the real life murder and crime shows like: Who the Bleep did I Marry? Iced in Alaska Fatal Frenemies Killer Kids Til Death Do We Part.. You get the idea. I know on some level it confirms my dementedness (according to spell check, that is not a word), but I love them. They do get in my head sometimes though and I begin to think of new shows that I might unfortunately be the unfortunate victim in; such as, Killer Co-workers. So anywayyy, that is why I was flipping channels, because I had exceeded my allotted time of the unbelievable cruelty that may exist in this world.

And this, is when I came upon it: Bet on Your Baby.

Now to be honest, I have watched this show before, but tonight my random thoughts started exploring the effects of this show. I realized through such wisdom, that it is like Valentine's Day - - Not much good is going to come of it no matter how hard you try or don't try.

Here is the premise of the show for you people who have a life on a Saturday night and AREN'T glued to your television and once in awhile maybe even conversing with it.

1. Parents bring their child 3 years or younger to a 'game show'.
2. One of the parents takes said child into a play room that makes Chuckee Cheese look boring. There is a stuffed bear as beg as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Colorful blocks, trains, dolls, punching bags - anything you can think of this "play room" has.
3. The other parent stays with the host and watches the baby/child on a screen. This parent is told a task the child will 'attempt'. It is up to this parent to 'bet' whether his/her child can complete the task.
4. If correct, they will win $5000 dollars for a college fund and a chance to proceed to the next round to display their lack of forethought and common sense.

Babies are cute; there is no denying that. Okay - they aren't ALL cute, but stick with me here. Beyond that, this show is the worst idea since sour spray candy (What lame company can't even be bothered to put the ingredients into a solid form of some shape?)

First of all, it never fails - when deciding which way to vote the parent looks to the audience for advice. How well could they know your child? And do they really care if you win? They have nothing invested in this. Plus, I just don't think it's the best idea to encourage a few hundred strangers to pay that much attention to your child on a spy cam.

Next, I find myself thinking about the ride home. It's going to go something like this:

Mom: I can't believe you thought Elijah could stack 6 oreos without tasting one!

Dad: How was I supposed to know? He stacks blocks all the time.

Mom: Well, if you would spend more time with him than playing golf, you would know he begs for Oreos all the time!

Dad: Maybe that's because you will only allow him gluten free snacks. He's starved for real food.

Mom: So once again, everything is MY fault. How convenient! You know it is YOUR sperm that made him; I didn't even want to have sex the night he was conceived!

Dad (eye roll): No kidding? I would never have guessed.

Or fast forward about 15 years. The issue of college is just around the bend for these cute bobble heads. I mean babies.

Mariah (former baby contestant):.. You know, MOM, this is your fault. If you would have had faith that I could jump over three squares without being distracted, I wouldn't even have to work to help pay for college! You've never had faith in me, Never! How am I supposed to have self-confidence, when you don't even think I can jump! But you know what, I did! I jumped those three squares. It wasn't easy but I did it. And how do I get repaid - by getting NOTHING! Thanks for . . . . NOTHING, MOM!

or

Jaxson (former baby contestant): You've always expected too much from me, Dad. Aren't we supposed to learn from our mistakes? I've never been allowed to be a kid. Even on that dumb game show, you put so much pressure on me. I tried to keep the balloon in the air for 90 seconds, I did try. But I had just downed a bottle of apple juice, and you know the effect it has on me. No, I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying, why can't I ever be good enough for you, Dad?


Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, (Me? Never!), but I'm thinking someone in this family is going to end up needing counseling.

Tonight was horrible. They had triplets! All three had to unroll their own roll of toilet paper in 90 seconds. Well, the first 2 they were done in 45 seconds flat, but poor poor Tyler. He didn't want to play with toilet paper; he wanted to ride the stuffed lion. Plus, he had no toilet paper unrolling form. He kept looking at his dad like, toilet paper, really? OMG - but in the last 2 seconds he finished it. Can you imagine if he hadn't? His own siblings would have bullied him because they didn't have money for college and had to do manual labor at minimum wage for the rest of their lives..

On that note, is this what it has come to for a 'higher education'? Kids in diapers doing things they would get in trouble for doing at home for college money. I thought that's why we pressured them in high school to find their niche in hopes of a college scholarship. Just kidding to those of you I just offended. Even though you are probably the ones I was directed that at. :) (Little smiley faces make any politically incorrect statements okay).

I may be crazy, but I'd rather bet on the horses than my baby (well, I don't have one anymore - unless a 17 year-old still counts and even then he wouldn't make it through the Oreo challenge). At least the horses can't guilt me for the rest of my life. Plus, you always bet on the horses to win, you don't get the option to say, "Well, he's kind of a slacker in the bouncing a ball area. I'm going to put my money on not doing it."

So . . . back to Investigation Discovery Channel. I hope it's not a repeat.

Looking out for our youth - lol,

Audra