Off the Cuff / My Other Journal

Accepting Help is not a Sign of Weakness

Being an only child and learning to survive an army of female adults around me who were all ready and eager to lend a hand for practically anything taught me to be wary of asking for help. Except for the men who showed up in the evenings, my grandmother, the maid, my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother’s foster child, all these women were around me during the day, every single day.

“I am helping her,” “No, I am” “Just let me do it, for her!”

No kidding! This would go on until my mother would step in and say, “Let her do it on her own.” Then every one of them would stand around and watch me fumble tying my shoes, buttoning my cardigan, or whatever, with sad expressions on their faces and remarks like, “Awww!” “Look at her!” ”Poor baby!”

And I hated to be pitied like that!

Another good thing my mother did was to let me get up on my own whenever I fell down. She forbid anyone to pick me up. I owe her for that.

Maybe because of her, to this day, I am hesitant to ask for help most of the time. Yet, I still do, if I have to, since I learned a few facts along the seven decades of my life. These are:

I am not a superhero. I can’t do everything. If in serious trouble, I’ll ask and even yell. Also, when I can’t do something on my own, not asking for help in time may turn a problem into a crisis. Who would want a crisis, ever, to deal with in their lives?

Someone who knows what he’s doing, like a computer techie, can boost my performance. What I am sure I don’t know or can’t find out on my own, I’ll ask.

I am not the kind who tries to reinvent the wheel like some of my contemporaries who stick to their old ways.

Everyone needs help and many people are willing to give it when necessary.

In general, if I am able to do something, I’ll do it myself, however badly. If it is something beyond my reach, like fixing a leak on the roof or the plumbing, then I’ll call a roofer or a plumber.

If I have too many bags of groceries to carry inside from the car, I won’t ask for help. I’ll make several trips back and forth and feel buoyant for the extra steps on my pedometer.

I don’t, as a rule of thumb, ask for help from my children. If they see that something needs to be done and me struggling with it and they volunteer, then I gratefully accept their help. For example, noticing that my husband and I were concerned about a messy spot inside the porch/pool area, my younger son built me a wonderful corner in its place for my flower pots, and I am very appreciative of that. I love that spot, and anytime I am inside the porch, I sit facing that spot. I didn’t come out and ask, but my son volunteered to do the job, and that alone made me very happy.

This prompt made me think. What was the last time I asked for help? I asked a store clerk to take down a box on a high shelf in a small appliance store. Before that, a while ago, I had a small cyst taken out from my back. I asked my husband to change the dressing, when I couldn’t.

Maybe because I am hesitant to ask for help, people around me are willing to give it, and I am truly grateful to them.

On the other hand, when the roles are reversed, I like to help when a person needs support or asks for my help. After all, we all are human beings and not robots. That alone necessitates that we support each other and give help when we can.

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Prompt: What types of things do you avoid asking for help with?