Love, and other stuff I get wrong.

I'm single, are you 3, free, 3, free?

Three month’s has definitely become a particular goal of mine, in my attempts at a lasting relationship. The trouble is I’ve kind of forgotten why. I mean, I know why now, now I’m telling you about my three month goal. It means you’ve overcome so many silly little foibles, nasty little habits, annoying little bodily functions and the look of one another naked to settle into casual acceptance of each other’s shortcomings. It’s sort of like, “I know I could better but hell, I’ve invested three whole month’s of my life in you already so who cares if you laugh like a horse, sniff your finger when you’ve poked it in your ear, fart in the bath and look like I think Oprah would look like when she’s naked. I love you for goodness sake!” I think?

Three month’s for a lasting relationship is a bit like three dates for a.... for a.... you know? For a sex encounter thingy. The only difference is, you give a lot more slack to the silly little foibles, nasty little habits etc. Come on, who ever turned down sex because someone farted in the bath, clearly doing so in the course of observing strict hygiene standards? Or looked bad naked? Who has the lights on for the first one anyway? Should I leave the lights on?

Three dates for sex is a bit like the three years for marriage target, and just as messy but more expensive. Unless you’re dating Oprah! Basically, the three years for marriage scenario allows you two years and nine months to change everything about someone that would have prevented you from marrying them in the first place (or third place). It’s impossible to be in a relationship with someone for three years without marriage being talked about at least three times a week. Unless you’re married!

“Three, is a magic number,” is a song lyric. Three is a bed? What does that mean? A threesome is a bit like marriage in so much as, it seems like a good idea at the time but one day you’re going to pay for it.

My world is full of three’s, but none of them are magic.