Who do I still think I am??

This one's about to lose its shorts...BINGO!

30DBC PROMPT: "What is the most absurd or ridiculous thing that has ever happened to you while traveling?"

Hey folks! Welcome back for another shot at this "Funny Friday" thing we've got goin' on within the friendly confines of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . I promise I'll do my best to not make you cry or feel sad, but if you pee a little that's ok (although I don't foresee this entry exactly causing that either).

I've probably travelled more than I give myself credit for, because it doesn't feel like I've been as many places as other people have. Other than it being a personality flaw, I have no idea why I shortchange myself when it comes to something like that. I have plenty of stories from trips I've taken to different cities, but when I think about them, most of them aren't particularly funny. They're average, I guess. Short of making a physical list on my own time (and not yours) of each city I've been to and then making a sub-list of ridiculous things that happened in each one (seriously, we'd be here forever), I guess the only thing I can do with this prompt is tell the story my mind keeps going back to when I try to think of the most absurd thing that has happened to me while travelling through a life full of absurdities.

Some years ago my extended family had taken a cruise to the Bahamas. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It was the best vacation I've probably ever been on, and I doubt I'll ever take another one like it. It departed from Florida, and since most of the family was in NY at the time some opted to drive down, while the rest of us flew. While I absolutely dislike flying, it was a better idea than driving across the US with me as a passenger.

I forget where in Florida the cruise actually left from, but I know we weren't far from the airport or the hotel we stayed in the days immediately before and after the five-day/four-night stay aboard the "Something or Other of the Seas".

The cool thing about the hotel we stayed in was that it wasn't some cookie-cutter chain place (the name, like most every other detail about this trip so far, escapes me also). There was a nice little cantina/bar kind of establishment near the front of this little village-y lookin' place, and the hotel gave us vouchers for a free drink- one for each member of our party staying there (in this case, five) for each night we stayed (two).

2x5=10. A good little bit of math to remember. One pint = 16 ounces. More good math.

We got in too late our first night in Florida to really check anything out, and the next morning we boarded the ship. But our layover once we got back on land was almost an entire day, so we did some sightseeing and checked back into the hotel. My folks and sis wanted to get to sleep at a decent time because we had to be up super-early to check in at the airport, and my youngest brother was not of legal drinking age back then, so that left me and 10 free beers on a barstool in that little pub. On karaoke night, of all nights to be by myself in a strange place.

Since I have no shame (nor did I care what any of these people thought of me), I made my presence known on the microphone. And when that last sip of the 160th ounce of Budweiser was gone, so was I. The only problem was trying not to wake people up in the suite we were sharing, but I'm pretty positive I was nowhere near as quiet as I thought I was being (first clue: there's no such thing as silently mothereffing everything you accidently touch in the dark when you're pretty buzzed). Well, that, and it was well after midnight, and we were supposed to be up at 4:30am to check out at 5. And I wasn't really packed.

Needless to say, I was barely able to drag my ass up off the pull-out couch that I kinda never really got comfortable on to begin with when it was time to go. Not time to get up. Not time to pack. Time to go.

This was a few years after 9/11, and we knew security was gonna be difficult at the airport anyway, but I don't think we had any possible chance of knowing how bad it would be. Our flight was supposed to leave around 7:30am, and the lines were crazy long...you'd think we were trying to get into a 100,000 seat football stadium that only had three entrances. Not the kind of scene you want to be in when you're unsure if you're still drunk or half-asleep (and if you're ever asked to choose between the two, just say "yes"). Eventually they opened up a few more security lanes, which weren't near our gate, but they whisked us and half the other people waiting over to what looked like you'd expect security to look like in an airport if it consisted of those temporary line-herder things they use in lesser-quality fast food chains or banks and you set it up in your garage.

And maybe the whole thing is just me being predetermined in life to suck at going through metal detectors, and not just a case I caught last week in "This one's about opinions and the Day Of Grievances." . I thought I was fully prepared, with only my ID in the swimming trunks (note this important detail) I was wearing. I also had on a fishing-style hat and a slim-fitting polo shirt with all-black low-top Chuck Taylors (like an adult version of these: http://www.converse.com/regular/chuck-taylor-classic-colors-1-3.5-yr/MP_73.html?...). I took my earrings out and my hematite necklace off. I placed my glasses in the bin and ran everything through the monitored conveyor. The alarm still went off.

It's at this point I believe my family went from silently mothereffing me to themselves about me staying out all night to audibly questioning every decision I've ever made in life up to that very moment.

Off with the hat...still tripped the alarm. Out came the wand...my shoes! The eyelets in my shoes are metal! So off they came...and the wand was still catching something. Without hesitation (and before the guards even knew what was happening), because when all you're worried about is getting on a plane to go back home, I got out of my polo shirt as if I were using magic to fluidly direct it into my hand and announced to everyone within range of my voice that "this is far as I'm going, because these are swim trunks, and there's no underwear on under them". I don't know what's more amazing: that I didn't get detained or hauled off to jail, or actually making it onto the plane with only a few minutes to spare after running back through the airport barefoot with my sneakers tied over my carry-on bag while trying to put my shirt back on.

Come to think of it, that is pretty absurd. No wonder I have a mini panic attacks now when I have to pass through metal detectors. It's all starting to make a little sense.

BCF PROMPT: "You are given the opportunity to write a script for a movie that will be produced by a big name producer. What do you write about?"

Man, I don't even know...and I've had more than 24 hours to think about this. I suppose I could write something related to any combination of the 700+ blog entries I've pieced together over the years...maybe a life story of sorts. The only problem with that is I'm still workin' on the ending and there's a lot of details missing.

Maybe I could spin a tale about romance and a failed relationship. I actually tried doing that once; writing a semi-biographical epic saga (the names and places were changed) about a girl I had dated and how our lives intersected after we'd broken up. It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought, especially since I'd wanted to use different styles of poetry to move the plot along rather than it just being another "coming of age" novel. I lost interest in the entire project after a couple of days.

Wait...I've got it! My boy DMFM and I, maybe seven or eight years ago, hatched both the lamest and most awesome plan in the history of two guys going nowhere in life with nothin' but a pack of smokes and a 30-pack of Miller High Life in the fridge...The Bingo Tour.

The purpose was to get our hands on a Winnebago (http://www.winnebagoind.com/) and drive across the country, playing Bingo and winning money. We were gonna start some sort of competitive league or something...all I know is the emptier that 30-pack got, the better this idea sounded. There were probably groupies involved, and maybe a website where we could update our progress.

Excuse me for a minute or two...nope, I haven't written about this idea before. Could've sworn I did (and have I mentioned I enjoy having the ability now to do a keyword search in any of your blogs and it'll pull up entries you've written with those words?? I love that!! Downside...now I spend more time researching past blog entries than I do writing new ones occasionally).

So anyway, yeah, I don't know what could've possibly convinced us not to try to pull off The Bingo Tour (besides a lack of money and it being a pretty stupid far-fetched idea. But looking at the sheer ridiculousness in some of the movies that have been made in the last decade or so, it's not hard to fathom someone funding a comedy (or even a rom-com) about a couple of average guys hittin' the streets and becoming the most feared/adored Bingo players ever to come to a senior citizens' center near you.

I've undoubtedly had better ideas. Ever notice it's always the weirdest, most random, or craziest ones that usually get remembered the most?

MUSICAL BREAK!!

It's been a long time since I've run any kind of contest within a contest during the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , so now seems like as good a time as any. If you can figure out what the correlation is between this song and the first part of today's entry, I'll give ya 1,000 GPs from my own personal collection. Ok, go!

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

So I came across this today, and because I'm a big fan of Arrested Development ("This one's about money in the banana stand." ), I feel compelled to share it here with you. http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinchack/which-member-of-the-bluth-family-are-you?bffb (I got Michael Bluth, if you were curious.)

And since it was a pretty slow day around here, I'm gonna leave this link over here because I found it to be equal parts cute, funny, and twisted. http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6949801/if-todays-pop-stars-had-their-own-carto...

For those of you keeping score at home, yesterday I set the over/under on my wake-up time this morning at 9:15am, even though I had an appointment at 2pm and the latest time I could possibly get up for it would be 1:45pm. If you had 9:21am in your office pool, you win!

Finally, I was stoked when I first saw this link on Facebook, because this song is a friggin' classic...but like anything you see on the internet, it can't be trusted. Beware the proclamation that it's the "full song", because the last time I checked, a full song doesn't leave out the whole third verse. Plus, the diabolical one comes off as being more than just a little bit hammered in this performance, but that's just my opinion. http://www.arseniohall.com/video/music-performances/3606_Online_Encore_Biz_Marki...

Wow...I need to stop wasting days where I have little going on and start writing these things in the afternoon, because I feel like I've spent all night on this entry. Hope you found it funnier than I did. Peace, 9/10 pants, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!