Voice Lessons

Pregnant Pause

In an effort to fulfill my new found goal to blog, I have decided to follow some of the great prompts found at "Welcome To My Reality Forum" . I'm hoping to stay motivated, but you know the way New Years resolutions can be. But I digress...

So the prompt is something that made me sad.

Last night, my husband and I went on a date to see Anchorman 2. After 21 years of marriage, we still go on dates quite frequently and now that our children no longer require babysitters, it has become much easier to do so. While we were waiting for our movie to start, my hubby had his head buried in his iphone. Apparently his favorite basketball team ( The Utah Jazz of course) is considering a trade which was quite exciting and required him to stay tuned for more details as they became available. You know, real important stuff. So, I began to do what most writers do. People watch.

There in the concession line was a blonde woman with a huge belly. I mean she was ready to pop. And I found myself remembering those days fondly. The discomfort, the horrible maternity clothes, the slow ticking of time, and the feeling that my due date would never  get here. Oh, how I remembered that.....the soft flutter as the baby moved, the joy of family and friends, the anticipation of new life, decorating the nursery, choosing baby clothes. Suddenly, I found myself in a reflective mood. While I definitely don't want another baby, (they tend to turn into kids) I suddenly realized that that stage of my life is over. And I never even noticed. I celebrated the free time I now have and for the most part am truly enjoying where I am. But where did the time go.

I  guess it happens to everyone at some point, and is a bit cliché. But I'm 39. Not old really. But, when you get married at 18, the world is ahead of you. You are always the youngest in the employee pool, and everyone laughs and says "boy, you are too young to be married". There were actually years of this. I was 21 with my first baby, and  by the age of 30, I had 4 girls. Done and done. Whew. My youngest will be out of the house before I'm even 50. See, young. Still time to travel and golf without all the "ailments" that come with old age.

Yet, suddenly, I realize that most everyone in the NFL and NBA is younger than me. I don't hear, "Wow, you don't look old enough to have a teenager" anymore. While I don't want to go back, I suddenly realized how fleeting time really is. Did I take time to enjoy those early years? Did I wish them away? Was I a good enough mom to my toddlers? How could the years fly by without me even realizing that they would? And, it made me sad.

While I would never go back, and am actually very happy with where I am, I wish I could feel that movement in my belly one more time, I wish I could spend that day in the hospital with a new baby one more time. I wish I could smell that new life, and hold the promise of what is to come one more time.

But who am I kidding, I LOVE my teenagers, and the freedom they give me. I have great kids. Yes, I AM a good enough mom. And when I watch them do the right things: go to church, join the lacrosse team, go on choir tour, instead of spending all their time and effort on boys, I know that time will always pass. But as long as I can enjoy where I am, and look forward to where I am going, I will always be young!