Who do I still think I am??

This one's about remembering to forget.

30DBC PROMPT: "Look back on 2013. Read your blog entries from early last year and observe how you've changed. If you weren't blogging early last year, think back to that time and imagine what you would have been doing or thinking about. Now, write an article about your past year of life in the voice of a reporter. Remember: making your reader laugh is key, so this can be as outlandish and overblown as you are brave enough to do . Have fun!

Hello there dear readers! I have a confession of sorts to make...after posting an entry, reading it over and doing any necessary edits, I don't really go back and read old blog entries. I probably should, just for posterity and perspective. But I don't. I just...don't.

It's likely that I'm somewhat self-conscious (who, me?). I'm not the kind of person who craves attention that much, or needs to see my name posted anywhere on the magical box that houses the internet. I know what my past looks like, and there's not much time in this world to be spent on reliving it in the grand scheme of things. But just for fun, let's go back and see what I was up to one year ago this very day..."This one's about the sacred speakings." 

Interesting stuff. It's a trip to see what I was capable of while jacked on pain meds with a though-provoking prompt.

As I've mentioned in some of my recent, previous entries, 2013 was pretty much a wash. I think I may have actually managed to regress as a person, as bad as that sounds. I don't know how I can put on my best reporter face and spin that around. But let's see where this goes...

"2013...a year that actually started out on a bad foot (pun intended). A transplanted Buffalonian made his way to Cortland, NY, and horrifically broke his ankle while jumping over a bonfire (several times) on the very same day he received a mental health diagnosis of "Severe Depressive Disorder". After having two surgical procedures on the limb in question, he still walks with a bit of a limp because of the damage done to the ligaments surrounding the ankle, and a return to his floor hockey days as a stay-at-home defenseman are practically out of the question.

Advances in the field of mental health have, however, decreased his propensity for verbally lashing out at strangers who piss him off, and have altered his mental state for the better. He no longer "acts out", as he so elegantly stated it to his therapist and psychiatrist, who actually dropped an eff-bomb while trying to describe and properly diagnose his symptoms.

All in all, he's looking forward to facing the challenges 2014 will have in store for him...finding a job, reclaiming social graces, and eventually shaving off his monumental beard. Maybe he'll even get lucky and find the next girl of his dreams, but don't count on it...if he's learned anything about love, he knows it's out of his reach. Let's give this guy a hand for knowing his lot in life a little better than he did the year before."

Well, there it is, I think. I hope I never have to read that again.

BCF PROMPT: "How good are you at letting things go?"

Ha! This one is easy. I'm a champ at holding grudges and clinging to past failures in hopes that they might turn around someday. If the law of averages is in fact correct, I shall one day again be better at the game of life some time shortly before I leave this otherwise crippled existence.

I'm not a bad person. I just make bad decisions, often at the worst possible times. But that's neither here nor there.

This thinking stuff really kind of sucks, actually.

But whatever. And that's my feeling about the past and how I choose to move on from it. I can't be angry or bitter forever...it's not a good look on me. I've found myself to be fairly forgiving at times. I'm still probably very naive when it comes to people in that I hope first for the best, yet I remain conflicted because I also tend to expect their worst. I never can seem to find the right marriage of personalities and expectations. Does that mean I'm in the wrong, and need to change? That's what therapists are for, I figure. Let them do their thing, because I can't do it for me.

And I'm getting off the point. No, I don't let go very easily. I love beyond words, not just with my heart or body but with everything. It's hard to find people with similar intentions, as crazy as that sounds. I've had it before, and it's a lot of work, and I don't know if I'm capable of surviving more failure. I should be content with knowing how much I tried, but I'm not the kind of dude that plays up his strengths. I never seem to be able to get past that level necessary to the survival of a positive, healthy relationship with people. Maybe I never will. And maybe I've touched lives that I don't even know about. But, like I said, whatever.

When did 2014 become so depressing? I'm over this "reflecting" and "being a better person" stuff already. Let's just have fun instead.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Can we just adopt this as the theme for 2014?

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

-1: The temperature outside when I woke up again for the third time this morning. Yes, things are frozen. I'm thankful for heat, no doubt no frontin' on that.

Yes!! Because I can.

No sadness, no depression, and prompts that influence neither in 2014. I think I'm gonna go continue purging the bitterness and hate out of my system.

Ugh...I think with that I'm out for today. I've done enough here. It's high time I learn how to relax. Peace, there's a solution, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!