Snow Melt

Funny Friday: My Resignation from IANTE

The July 26, 2013 prompt for "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  is
Write a letter of resignation. Quit your day job (at least on paper). Rebel against doing yet another load of laundry. Abandon your post as jack-of-all-trades.
Just make sure your explanation is funny and overdone.

Prosperous Snow, President
of the Las Vegas Chapter
of the International Association of Negative Thinkers of Earth

Negative Nellie, President
of the International Association of Negative Thinkers of Earth
1 I Can't Do That Avenue
Depression City, In the State of Depression

Dear Negative Nellie,

This morning, I went outside to pick up my copy of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Instead of opening my newspaper to see which Mayoral Candidate had sext which movies star, I broke the cardinal rule of negative thinking. I looked up and saw a half-full moon surrounded by a bevy of fluffy white or light gray clouds. I had an epiphany! I realized I did not know if the moon was waxing or waning.

It dawned on me, just as dawn was breaking over either Frenchman's or Sunrise Mountain that I couldn't tell the difference between a waxing or waning half-moon, anymore then I could tell the difference between those two mountain. Therefore, I have to resign my membership in IANTE or the International Association of Negative Thinkers of Earth because I can no longer accept the premise that my moon is always waning when it could be waxing.

I should have realized this a couple of days ago, when it hit me that I could not tell the difference between east or west and that turning right is not always turning east. I told you about that incident the day it happened. You must remember me informing you that the only way I could get back to the east side of Las Vegas was to find Tropicana Avenue. Once I found Tropicana then I was able to determine that I was actually driving west instead of east. After making a u-turn at a stop light I was able to find my way back to the east side of town. Unfortunately, by that time the frosting on my chocolate cupcakes had melted.

I ate the cupcakes anyway. I would have preferred to have the icing on top of the cupcakes instead of the sides and bottom of their paper containers. That's just a part of the adventure of life, which I know you will find hard to believe. After all, as a members of IANTE, we are supposed to accept every negative event as proof that we are incapable of success or attracting anything good in our lives.

Since I am resigning my membership and position in this organization, I am having the negative IANTE creepy crawlies extracted from my thoughts. Nellie, you don't have to worry about me informing the membership of these creature because they would not believe me. The membership would think I was just another borderline psychotic with delusions of conspiracies. We both know this isn't true since we are part of the elite who know where these nauseating alien extraterrestrial clones originated.

Since I no longer believe that my moon is always waning or that my glass is always half empty, I can no longer believe that humans are an inferior species in the universe. At the very least, humans are just as good as the aliens who want to enslave us and turn us into depressed negative thinkers always asking their permission to go to the toilet. Nor will I contact any government agency about these creatures or this invasion because most of the government agencies that would be interested already know about IANTE and the creatures behind the organization.

Prosperous Snow
An ex-negative thinker
and ex-president of the
Las Vegas Chapter of IANTE

PS: The last two presidents of the Las Vegas Chapter of IANTE were kidnapped from the chapter office and are imprisoned in the underground cells of AREA 51.

PPS: Nellie, I think you may be the next IANTE official to be kidnapped.