Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

Day five: Funny Friday!

Prompt for day five: Make me laugh in any way you can.

I like to think I can amuse people and have a host of funny stories under my belt! However, I’m struggling with this prompt. I could write about all sorts but who can say you’ll laugh? Your sense of humour maybe hard to please. On the other hand, I could just say the word “knickerbockers” and have you rolling on the floor laughing!

I have decided to write about the weird and wonderful people I met on one holiday. My first and only piece of advice to my boyfriend prior to our departure on a two-week all inclusive break was to ‘not pick up any strange friends’ as he invariably would and I feared having to spend two weeks of intermittent periods ducking behind a newspaper. He has a happy and yet paradoxically infuriating habit of being able to talk with anyone about anything (I think it is the former criminologist in him as he spend years talking to dubious characters about their criminal pasts).

Sure enough, on day two we encountered a couple called Claire and Paul. They seemed pleasant enough at first (they always do, don’t they?) but it wasn’t long before that façade crumbled away to reveal a less that desirable reality. The thing about all-inclusive resorts is that you see all sorts of people. Those out for a relaxed holiday, bargain hunters who load plates to the brim, despite the fact that there are no limits on food and leave half of it anyway (why, oh why?) and, last but by no means least, those who enjoy a drink.

Claire and Paul definitely fell into the latter category. This point was rammed home when we saw them meandering around by the pool bar at about 11 am. They already seemed to be everywhere, and it was very difficult to either a) avoid the enthusiastic bar-goers and/or b) keep up with their relentless pace. Things kind of reached a head on day four when things were already starting to grate as Paul was a bit of a letch when in drink and I had to have fast reflexes to repel his ‘friendly’ hugs.

Sure enough, by about 3pm we were feeling a little tipsy and collapses on the beds in our room. I said to my partner that I had not come all this way to require a detox afterwards and to play hide and seek. So we just started getting MUCH better at hiding.

We did see Claire and Paul one more time, as Claire was ‘asleep’ propped up on the bar by 9pm. Paul said she wasn’t drunk; she merely hadn’t had much to eat and was tired. We were not convinced.

Thankfully, we met some more lovely people and the time spent avoiding Claire and Paul seemed to get less and less. The last time we saw them; they were wandering round looking for another group of ‘friends’ who had all somehow got ‘lost.’ Funnily enough, the hotel shop had sold out of newspapers that day!!

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Did that make you laugh? If not, I imagine you felt a little like this while reading it:



Now that its over, I am convinced you’ll feel like this: