Who do I still think I am??

This one's about the rules and not giving a fang.

30DBC PROMPT: "You get a piece of magical chalk. Anything you draw comes to life. Either describe what you will do with the chalk or create a list of rules for using the magical chalk."

Good morning folks, and a Happy Canada Day to all of my friends north of the United States border. It's July first, marking the start of an official month of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , so naturally I'm a little excited. I know I had made mention earlier in June about maybe trying my hand at judging entries for a week, but in the end the lure of competition is still too strong for me to pass up. I'm like that ballplayer that just doesn't know when to give up the game and thinks he's still got something left in the tank.

And what better way to start off a month than by thinking that I have no business trying to write about this prompt? Let's just say that I'm not quite as "in love" with it as Emily is. If y'all been comin' 'round my way long enough, y'all know how I feel about blogversating potential works of fiction...I'm not exactly a fan of it. (And yes, I realize that I just made up the word "blogversating"...get used to it.) Luckily, there's a slight caveat tucked into the prompt today that allows me a bit of license to tangle up the puppet strings and make something I can live with. Here's a little game I like to call "The Rules For Playing With My Magic Chalk".

THE RULES, WARNINGS, AND EXCLUSIONS:

1) This item is for adult external use only.

2) Words are not considered drawings and will not come to life.

3) Be careful what you wish for.

4) Drawing more magic chalk won't get you more magic chalk.

5) Drawing with wet chalk could potentially cause your fingers to run off your hand.

6) In the event of accidental inhalation of chalk dust, your lungs may breathe on their own.

7) In the event of non-accidental inhalation of chalk dust, you'll probably enjoy it while talking really fast and in a higher pitch, become anxious and twitchy, hear constant drumbeats, get super hungry, and possibly pass out on a stranger's lawn next to a garden gnome.

8) This item is non-transferable.

9) A $2 surcharge will be billed if chalk is not used after 90 days, but not to exceed $7.56 in any given 366-day period.

10) Rules are meant to be broken. Please break accordingly.

I believe these rules were actually taken from the International Federation Of Magic Chalk (trademark), which is located somewhere in Europe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magic_Chalk

BCF PROMPT: "What's your opinion on vampire fiction?"

Again with the fiction, courtesy of the "Blogging Circle of Friends Prompt Forum" . I may upset some people here, but I really don't give a fang about vampire fiction. I think it's crap. But then again, I think a lot of far-fetched fiction is crap. And you don't need me to give you an entire entry devoted to my empirical crap-based opinion of crap.

Look, I get it. Take a rugged, teenyboppin' Hollywood bro, mix him up with some pasty, waifish twig, throw some glitter and smoke on 'em, and call it the "Vampire Craze For The Modern Era", and watch it sell bajillions of books, movie tickets and assorted paraphernalia. Cool beans for those who enjoy it, I guess.

Here's where I'd normally go into my "this shit's so fake and whatever" rant that I've probably rehashed too many times.

I just don't get it. I can't. I won't. I don't wanna, and I don't hafta. Hell, I worked in a bookstore at the height of the Twilight craze, and I still don't get it. These little barely-teen girls were goin' apeshit over these books, and parents would ask me if they were appropriate for their 12-year-olds. And I'd say, "Sure, if you want your 12-year-old poppin' out little vampire babies...'cuz they're gonna wanna do it with a blood-sucking freak of the undead (or whatever class of fake human literature vampires fall into) when they're done with the series. " And in the end, it didn't matter what my recommendation was, because these soccer moms were all too happy to buy the stupid books anyway. I could've replaced the jackets on all the books with a warning that said "This book will impregnate your unborn child" and we still would've had people climbing our gate every time one of these books or something like it was released. It was like crack you could get in page form.

Hey, to each their own, I suppose. But I have a Mr. Bram Stoker holding on line 1, and he thinks he's owed some royalties for being the OG (original gangsta) of the vamp-lit scene. And I would agree with him, if I actually gave a feasting fang about it.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

In honour of Canada Day, I present one of the greatest Canadian bands performing one of the most amazing poems set to music I've ever heard.

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

Today marks my 12th account anniversary on WDC. And no, my account won't be one of those snotty vampire-lovin' teenagers. It will be a typical kid, just like me.

4: The amount of approximate hours (distractions included) it took me to go to and from a park and read an entire copy of Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. And no, I didn't like it and I don't recommend it...I read it because my therapist thought it'd be a good idea, and it wasn't. I get to tell him that in a few hours this afternoon. Listen, I'm not trying to trivialize or minimize what the author had to go through, but let's just say that if he wasn't a doctor, there wouldn't have been a book to write, because he wouldn't have lived long enough to deceive his way through not being executed to have written these outdated theories. Four is also the amount apparently required by me in hours spent in and out of sun to obtain a pretty decent sunburn. While I'm glad I wore a shirt with cut-down sleeves, I wish I would've turned my arms inward a little more.

Not only do I hate it when doctors have to cancel appointments on you, but you're running out of meds so you call the nurse practitioner to re-up your script...only she calls it into the wrong pharmacy...on the one day you don't have your insurance card on you. I need a SMDH emoticon for this.

Bela Lugosi probably had a heart attack in his grave when he saw the Twilight movies.

And even though I could care less about the books or movies, I will cop to purchasing the soundtrack for the New Moon movie. Sure, I'll claim that I bought it for my ex anytime someone looks at my iTunes library, but damn, there's some sweet tunes on it. For reals, yo.

Ok folks, time to grab a bite to eat and deal with the rest of my day. Peace, it's the rules, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!