Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about squatting.

30DBC PROMPT: "Have you laughed today? What were you laughing about? If you haven’t laughed yet today, find something funny to share with the rest of us."

Welcome to another "Funny Friday", friends. Allow me to use this opportunity to share with you one simple fact about me.

I hate cats.

As much I wanted to resist the idea, I'm spending time at my friend lktropuckr's house, unofficially house-sitting. It's better than being at my place, for the simple fact that it's not my place. And now that we've got that out of the way, let me continue.

I, in my infinite wisdom, consider myself somewhat of electronics "whiz". Meaning, I should be able to go into any home and operate your tv. I spent a lot of time learning the intricacies of consumer electronics. And yet, I'm dumbfounded by the two...not one, but two...tvs in this living room.

All I wanted to do is fall asleep to SportsCenter on ESPN. Instead, I could only watch reruns of Friends I've already seen a bazillion times, Everybody Loves Raymond, and some American Idol recap show that I think I only gave my presence to for the "train wreck" effect that had potential, but didn't come to fruition.

(I hate saying anyone is a "whiz" at anything, because it makes me think juvenile things, like having to take a pee.)

Anyway, I managed to figure out how to turn off the tv, and prepared myself to sleep on the couch. As I was about to nod off, I heard the familiar "ack ack ack ack ack ack ack uhhhhhh" of a cat puking. I was not pleased, but managed to find myself back to sleep.

I woke up this morning, having forgotten the whole thing. Until I passed through the kitchen and back to the living room. In the dining room was possibly the largest pile of cat vomit I've ever seen. And it's not like I've never been around cats before. My ex had a couple, and my dad and stepmom had some. But this, by far, was the worst. It was shaped like a giant donut, and it looked like a kid stepped in the middle of it.

And here's the deal with cat puke...it makes me want to puke. I take no responsibility for children or animals that aren't my own unless I have a vested interest...but as a good house borrower, I did the deed and cleaned up after whichever beast heaved.

Here's the big problem...I let myself out the back door this morning to have a smoke and get some fresh air. Kinda feel my surroundings, ya know? Trouble is, the black cat followed me out. And I couldn't coax it back in. I'm not some kind of animal whisperer, and I sure as hell wasn't about to place my mitts on someone's cat, couch-crashing or not.

And to make matters worse, I'm pretty sure a white cat lived here too. I was reminded of that when I stepped out front for a smoke, and saw a white cat meowing at me from the adjacent driveway. I thought I kept things pretty locked-down while I was here. (Insert your laugh anywhere.)

So now I don't know what to do or think. I'm grateful, but I'm an ass. I don't even wanna charge my phone, which is dying, because then I might be compelled to explain myself. "Hey, have fun at the beach, btw, your cats are gone." Yeah, nobody wants to send that text. And just because my history with cats isn't stellar doesn't mean I want them gone!

And for the record, I still haven't figured out the tv yet. I haven't even tried.

BCF PROMPT: "What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?"

As one who shares all and keeps what little he has worth hiding close to the vest, I don't think I have any secrets. Though I'm sure I'm wrong. Case in point: the beginning of this entry. I should be running like skinny OJ over airport chairs catching an Avis car. Instead, I'm sitting here, getting fat, pshawing doctors' orders.

I kinda don't like this prompt. Seems a little personal. I don't have skeletons in my closet; they're on the bankroll. My secrets are just that...secret, as far as my eyes can see. And that's not saying much in this internetical era.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I can't find it on YouTube, but there's a great track by De La Soul featuring Mike D and Adrock from the Beastie Boys called "Squat". It's the first song on the Art Official Intelligence cd. De La is nice. Instead I bring you this:

VITAL STATS:

Still not trying.

A big ups to all the blue people now on WDC. Some of y'all made me, kept me, created me and meant a lot to me.

I hear a microwave telling me my dinner is done, so I need to GTFO of here. Peace, watch your feet at the door, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!