Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about a double-edged invention.

30DBC PROMPT: "What modern invention do you think is a waste of time?"

What's up everybody? Through the miracle of modern science and technology (or...the names of two classes I once posted failing grades in), I'm here once again spending another afternoon on the screen of your computing device. Feels good to be reduced to pixels and small print.

Let's not keep any secrets here, and get to the rub right away. As you can guess by the title, I'm gonna pull a little pro/con dance move today, given that we again have some sisterly prompts. Although the way they're laid out today is more along the lines of con/pro, but who's splitting hairs?

For all its well and goodness, the internet is the biggest time-wasting invention of pretty much ever. Just ask anyone who's spent an entire afternoon playing Bejewled Blitz or Madden NFL Superstars on Facebook.

We're not cavemen, thankfully. But bring me back to life anyone who died in 1970 or earlier and sit them down in front of a computer and ask them to Google something...anything. I guarantee they will look at you as if you've lost your knickers and are prancing around bottomless. People did actually make those types of embarrassed faces in pre-Reagan eras.

You can't even call computers a waste of time. Take a popular computer from the eighties, the Apple IIe. You could only spend so much time on it before the black/white/greenness of the display gave you a seizure. And you could only play Oregon Trail just long enough to die of dysentery. And if you printed a banner longer than "Happy Birthday (your name here)" using Print Shop, teachers frowned a lot upon you for days because of your paper-wastin' ways. Computers without internet can actually be useful.

But the internet itself? There is no single greater killer of time known to man. You can't doubt the potency of the internet's effect on our daily lives. You just can't. And tell me you can't spend eight hours trying to prove me wrong. Maybe in a library, trying to scour periodicals for info, you can. The internet, however, has made a legit art of wasterism.

BCF PROMPT: "What is the one thing you cannot live without?"

And on the heels of me calling the internet "the world's biggest waste of time", I also offer you anecdotal evidence that we, as humans, cannot live without it.

See, eventually everything is going to be connected wirelessly at some point, and there's no sense in doing that without some kind of internet in place. Today it's computers and tv sets...in the future it'll be major appliances. Imagine your washing machine emailing you tips on efficiency, or your car sending you a text reminding you about an oil change, or your fridge telling you you're out of salami by fax, or your dentist alerting your toothbrush via bluetooth that you have a cavity, and sending out a "do-it-yourself fillings" kit to make repairs. This is the future, people! Embrace the technology!

On top of all these fantastical thingamabobs we'll be able to dohickey internextically, I'd like to propose a little experiment: unplug your modem and/or router for one day. This works best in an office, or in a house if you live with one or more other people who use the internet. Yeah, go ahead, unplug it. You have my permission. Set a timer for 24 hours if you have to. And then sit back, and watch first the confusion, then the panic, and then the anger set in! The reactions will live on in family lore for years! You'll laugh as little Timmy's homework assignment is "lost in the ether"...you'll weep when little Susie's Farmville crops die. You'll twinkle with admiration of yourself as you watch your loved ones curse and frantically press random buttons, not realizing that they're so dependent on this vast mix of science, technology and power we call "the world wide web" (or "www", as the kids these days say).

Notate the results of your "experiment". Remark the difference it makes in the day-to-day experiences within your household. The results may surprise you.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Had to go old school here...it's the original "can't live without" accessory.

VITAL STATS:

Mountain Dew Kickstart orange citrus...the new beverage sponsor of choice around here.

I don't actually have reliable home internet on a regular basis. I'm lucky if BlackBerry Central gets live once a week while I'm chillin'. I'll admit that the world can be a sad and lonely place without the internet sometimes. But the key to survival is knowing how to be resourceful. Insert your own punchline here.

Here's a question I never thought I'd find myself asking in a million wasted years of time, via the magic of text messaging: "Is it legal to pimp livestock?"

Walking...it's not for everyone. Definitely taking a crutch to the mall later. Not to the actual physical structure...no violence intended toward the mall. I mean a crutch to help me move my body. You get it.

Ok...I'm off to find more questions there will never be enough good answers to, seek out more time to waste, and reap the seeds of doubt and cynicism I've sown across the blacktopped plains. Peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!