Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about twists.

30DBC PROMPT: "Tell me how you would give a plot twist to one of your favorite movies. Perhaps try your hand at script writing."

Hey everyone. It's a sunny Saturday afternoon! Let's talk about one of my least favorite subjects: movies.

I shouldn't have to remind anyone that I hardly have a tolerance for cinematic adventures. My attention span? I don't have -what was the question?

Therefore, I have a simple and obvious solution. Most movies are the effect of a character making the wrong decision regarding the plot within the first five to ten minutes. The movie itself is then fleshed out by over an hour's worth of even more bad decisions, debauchery, fantasy, and behavior that would likely get you and I arrested. After $12 in a theater (not including snacks and buckets of soda) and an hour and a half, a climax is reached. And 99% of the time, said climax would have happened in the first 10 minutes of movie-watching had the protagonist made the proper choices immediately. Hence, the first rule of Hollywood excess: turn five realistic minutes into 110 minutes of nonsense.

Can you imagine if life really were like a movie? Instead of the average life expectancy being in the 70's, given the formula I used above for common sense to apply, we'd live to be somewhere into our 400's (and that's me not even trying to do math). You wouldn't be able to cross a street because of all the car chases. There'd be gun shops on every corner. Pauly Shore would've been to college with everyone (and perhaps live long enough to gradute...and not because it's "in the script"). You name it...multiply any movie cliche and apply it to real, everyday life, and tell me it doesn't sound absurd.

BCF PROMPT: "If life had a "redo" or "rewind" button would you use it? If so, what situation comes to mind? If not, why?"

With my simple, foolproof movie-making scheme, movies would be so short and sensical that all you'd need is a replay button. Life, however, is not so simple.

Like most people, I have at least 12,367,218 moments in my life that could've drastically altered the course of where I am today had I done something different. From taking an extra second to make sure my shoes are tied or debating a little longer on what I want to eat, to passing on the big, baggy, bright red shorts I wore in the early nineties, those choices shape and define who we are for periods much longer than the time it takes to make those judgements.

Like now, for instance...you're reading this entry, and you're feeling it, but you're not sure if you think you have something to say in the comments section. And then your phone rings. It's your job calling. You think they might want you to come in on your day off, so you ignore the call. You watch the videos, you laugh, and notice you've got a voicemail message. You'll check it in a minute because the washing machine's off-balance and buzzing. On your way down the basement steps, you trip on a shoe that you were too lazy to leave next to the door, falling down the stairs. You land on your hip pocket, busting your phone. Not only is it out of warranty, but your contract isn't up for another six months, and you laughed at the salesman who wanted to sell you the extended warranty, because you're a princess who never in her life would break her phone because she's so careful with her possessions...as you can tell by your now broken arm as well. With no phone and one arm, you go to work the next day only to discover that you need a second arm to do your job, and your snotty arch-enemy was promoted to supervisor over you...a position you were up for, had you taken the call...returned the call...balanced the washer properly...picked up your shoe and put it away neatly...or finished what you were doing in the first place, and left a comment after reading my entry.

Now who wouldn't take that do-over? I know I would. You never can be too safe these days. Take it from a guy with a broken ankle.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I would probably watch more movies if they were this short and interesting.

VITAL STATS:

Really had a rough day yesterday. After my doctor's appointment, I missed my bus. Missing the bus means a half-hour wait for the next one. Went grocery shopping, but everything I needed was at exact opposite ends from everything else in the store. Stopped at the library to rest my legs and was feeling ill. A small child, age about...old enough to know better, was staring at the boot on my leg as if I'm horribly disfigured (more on that later) and when I finally made it home...here's a story. I live on the second floor of a three story building. The first floor is a bar. The door to the bar and the door upstairs are right next to each other in the front, with the door to the bar at an angle. Whoever invented this entrance needs his head examined. A man was walking toward the building and was headed upstairs, and he was kind enough to hold the door for me. As I was about to crutch over the threshold, a dude busted through the bar door, tagging me in the hip and forcing me to stumble into the upstairs stairwell. Fortunately, I was not hurt. The assailant got away on foot, leaving me the victim of drunken door opening.

Since I didn't get a chance to participate in the "Funny Friday" "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  prompt yesterday, I just wanted to share that I really enjoyed the creativity of The_Cavity has wisdom teeth! 's post, "Invalid Entry" 

Ahhh yes, my appointment yesterday. Good news. The x-ray tooked good. The ankle is pretty much back where it should be, even if it still looks like my knee tried to swallow a softball and my foot decided to choke on it. The holes from the two removed screws are filling nicely. But my bone density is bad (bones are supposed to be white on an x-ray...mine's grey). The doc says it's because I was great about staying off it as much as possible. Go figure. But I'm down to one crutch now and hopefully walking on my own by next Friday. Time will tell. I am happy to say though that I've almost perfected my pimp-like limp with a crutch instead of a cane (or hoes).

And it's not just little kids that overstare their usefulness! Coming into the library though the side door so I could use the elevator, I arrived just before a very elderly couple. I swung the door open and hopped behind it, very obviously making an example of my desire to hold the door open for them. The old guy awkwardly tried to get into a space where there was no place to get behind me, insisting that I go first. He wanted to hold the door for his wife I assume, while I was demonstrating that whatever's wrong with my leg isn't as bad as her legs because she's got a cane. We argued over who would go through the door first a little longer than I expected before giving in and going ahead. As we settled into the elevator the wife looked at him and said, "Do you think you're going to find anything today?" The man stood there silently. He found something all right...the giant boot on my leg. Like he's never seen a broken body part before. What's up with people staring?? I think that's worse than random strangers asking me (without making eye contact first) what happened to me.

Ok, enough of my complaining for today. Time to edit and take the night off. And unless my house gets struck by an amazing bolt of lightning or some other miracle happens, I'm probably gonna take tomorrow off since I won't likely be near a computer. And not like my blog header actually warns you about offensive material, but if offensive material isn't your thing, you might wanna skip the closing clip for today, even though I find it hilarious in my own odd little way (and not in any offensive kind of way, nor do I mean for anyone to be offended by it...oh, what the hell). Y'all been warned. Peace, have a great rest of your weekends, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!