Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about the king.

30DBC PROMPT: "If you were supreme ruler of planet Earth for a day, what changes would you make?"

Hey everyone! What's happenin'? I'm glad to say I'm over my little dookie fit about yesterday. The only problem today is that while I've given myself an ample chance, I haven't done a great job of clearly thinking through today's prompt either. Which means one of two things: it's gonna suck, or it's gonna be awesome.

First, I'll say this one time and one time only: as the king of this rock, the third from the sun, all bow down. That's it. Bow once, and just fist-bump me later on whenever you see me. It's cool.

I have a threefold plan for what I'd do in my time as The King Of The Third Rock. Follow the path with me, friends.

1) World peace. I'll make it easier than it sounds. Eff the Euro...all currency will be universal. That'll eliminate some confusion, and confusion can often be interpreted for dislike and occasionally distrust. Trust = harmony. Harmony = compromise. Compromise = peace. It's that simple. However, I may have to change a few languages along the way. Maybe rename some countries too. Brainwash some of the bad guys. I can do that, cuz I'm the king. Also, hopefully sorting out a universal currency eliminates debt and means everyone's budgeting and paying bills. It's a one-time reboot of global economics. Sure, some countries are gonna wind up bailing out others, but it's all about the "long run/big picture".

2) Return the power to the people. Hell yeah! Banks, lawyers, pharmaceutical companies, the NRA, big tobacco, career "Kardashian" politicians (politicians who forgot why they were elected and now are politicians just for the sake of being politicians), all of 'em...I'm clearing them all out and instituting smaller, leaner, better governments that actually care about the vast majority of people and not the bullshit 1%. That old statistic where "97% of the world's money is controlled by 3% of the population"? We're gonna fix that too. Of these mawfuggers, by these mawfuggers, fo' these mawfuggers...errrrrybody gets a say!!

3) Eliminate death. Like I said, I clearly haven't thought this all the way through. But obviously we've lost too many talented people at such a young age: Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Jam Master Jay, hope for Buffalo sports, Redd Foxx, the guy that sang "Rico Suave", the dude Dick Cheney shot in the face while hunting, J.R. Ewing, JFK, MLK, Danny Kaye, the chick in that Jodi Piccoult book...the list goes on and on (and please don't email me to remind me of who I left off this list...any omission is accidental, coincidental, and I'm under a strict bullshit meter here). Now, I understand that the way things work in this day and age is that death is a part of life. What I'm calling for are stricter regulations on stupid people, making it easier for them to just, ahhhh, keep the herd thin, if ya dig what I'm sayin'. That way, this rock doesn't get too crowded, and the people who do stick around are worth keepin' around.

In closing, my fellow denziens of this third rock that we all share, may your dreams be big, your ambition bigger, and your accomplishments the biggest. Unless you're stupid. In that case, thanks for playin'...now make some room for the rest of us.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Normally I'd never post something this long, but I came across this and couldn't resist. I may never fulfill my destiny and become "the supreme ruler of the world", but I'm still the king of this frenetic dose of internet chicanery, and will answer to "Sire". Plus, it's way awesome and who knows when I'll even have a chance to sniff the wonders of Youtube next?

VITAL STATS:

Like today's prompter ember_rain, I too did some food shopping today. Kind of a last-minute run-in at one of my least favorite stores...you know, that mega-big deep-discount giant box retailer with the smiles and crap? Yeah, I went there. I should get a job there, because there were some pretty good lookin' ladies crawlin' around that excuse for a Chinese sweatshop. On the recommendation of brothernature, I looked into their motorized carts. Y'all know I've had some unlucky business dealings and negotiations with them in the past week or so. Luckily, I had a friendly companion (lktropuckr) with me to push a manual shopping cart around, because I get the feeling I could've started World War III with all the buttons, switches and gauges on those machines (and is it World War 3 instead?? Do we use Roman numerals for wars too, or just for Super Bowls and counting like Romans?). I swear, remember back in the day when cell phones weighed a couple pounds and came in bags that you'd carry like a suitcase? It's nice to see that the keypads of those phones have been recycled onto those carts so you can phone in your deli order from the sock aisle, report an attempted cart-jacking to customer service, or reach out to the automotive department when your cart gets stuck in the cafe. Man, they think of everything in these stores!

Alright dear readers, friends, random strangers and playa haters...I'm out to edit this and call it a night. While I'm gone, keep your hands to yourselves, your eyes on your own papers, and make sure someone waters the plants. I'll see y'all at some date to be determined in March. Peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!