Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about the lights.

THE PROMPT: "Electricity is a fairly new invention. Think of 12 things you can do when you don't have power. What's your favorite and why? I would say keep it clean, but look who I am talking to. LOL"

What's up everybody? Hmmm...what to do when the power's out. I see. Good thing I'm kind of an expert on this. About five years ago at 542 I had to go a month or two without power. No joke. I was going through AA batteries like crazy just trying to keep my cell phone charged. And I was lucky I had put batteries in an old boombox during a previous power outage just so I had some beats. Now, mind you, even though electricity has been around a little longer than some are aware of, I said I'm only kind of an expert. I never specified what kind.

[Author's note: And what's up with the "look who I'm talking to" crack? I keep my shit clean, yo!]

Here ya go... Fivesixer 's time-tested ways around a power outage:

12) Conversate. This works even better if you're by yourself, because there's no one else to interrupt you or question your opinions or views.

11) Blog. I did often during the nights I had no power at 542. Using a battery-powered charger, I could bang out an entire entry on 2 AA's and have some juice to spare.

10) Read. For those of you who remember what books are (the things with covers, binding and pages) this shouldn't be a problem. For people with Kindles, Nooks and other instruments of the destruction of the printed word, consider your bed made during any type of situation where you rely solely on electricity and how it's affecting you now, sinners.

9) Try to eat everything in your fridge, and be creative! You don't know how long the power's gonna be out for, and you don't know how long the food's gonna stay good for, so now's a good time to find out if chunky milk really does taste like yogurt, or if ketchup really does go on everything.

8) Play "Obstacal Course" with the furniture. If you're really good at this game, allow your pets to play too (and make sure you award bonus points for such feats as "avoiding fecal matter" and "not breaking the goldfish bowl").

7) Count to 12 twelve times. Then count to 12 twelve times times 12. Keep doing this until you're really good at it.

6) Check on your neighbors. If they're home and their power is on, ask them why they don't like you. If they're home and have no power, ask them for wine. If they're not home and they have power, find a way in and pretend you're house-sitting. And if they're not home and have no power, they must really not like you, so use their mail slot to "relieve" yourself of their rudeness.

5) If you check on your neighbors and they don't have wine, start looking for new neighbors.

4) You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. Because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, then they're no friends of mine.

3) If a problem comes along, you must whip it. Into shape. Shape it up. Move forward. Look ahead. Try to protect it. It's not too late. To whip it. Whip it good!

2) Stop, collaborate and listen.

1) Set things on fire. This will generate heat and light. Some objects will also generate not only different types of flames, but also different smells.

I hope this list helps. Good luck, and safety first!

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Because with the lights out, it's just dangerous...

VITAL STATS:

Man, am I kicking myself for not coming up with the idea of using song lyrics until I was well beyond halfway done. What was I thinking??

{E:emoticon of guy pointing finger to his head like he's smart}: I think what we just did is an exercise in figuring out what people did in the world before we came along. Like, did electricity exist before I did? What about the moon landing? Nintendo? You mean people got out of their cars to get their value meals??

I'm pretty sure I had some crueler, more revolting things to say, but I promised myself that I wouldn't compromise my talent, integrity or intelligence by stooping so low as to use profanity, foul imagery or lewd behavior with my words. Which means it's time for me to go do something else with the rest of my evening. Peace, and GOOD-frickin'-NIGHT NOW!!