Jaded Warriors book 2 (Jade Series)

Chapter 13

Chapter 13


I laced my fingers through his as we crossed the street to Deanna's house. My mind whirled as I thought about us in the kitchen and ending up on the living room floor moments ago. My lips still tingled where his thumb skimmed across me and I smiled at my jolting reaction to his simple touch. I suddenly felt hopeful that someday, my body would crave all of him without the panic that blocked my emotions from going any further.


I glanced at him and smiled at his subtle, amorous advances and my awakened curiosity. He returned the glance with softness as the shared silence grew comfortable between us. My smile faded.  I wasn't ready for him to leave.


I looked to the sky to see heavily textured gray clouds threaten snow as I worried once again. He would sleep in a tent. I shuddered at the thought then forced it out of my mind as we walked up to the door.


Gage pushed the door open without knocking and stepped aside, gesturing for me to walk in. I smiled at his chivalry as I moved into the entryway. Instant chaos boiled in the air as I heard playful cries and kids screaming as Maya and Ivy ran through the house, wound up like a top. A baby cried from somewhere down the hall and a bathtub faucet spilled water into a tub.


“Maybe we should come back later,” I said, and looked back at Gage as he closed the door quietly behind him.


“Nah,” he said with a quirky smile then hollered through the house. “Deanna!  Ivy!”


Maya and Ivy came squealing down the hall, laughing and giggling and as wired as could be as a haggard Deanna followed behind them with a crying baby in her arms. “Oh, Jade, I'm so glad you're here. I have Corby in the tub after he made a complete disaster of the playroom with the paints. Here, you take the baby… he has a bottle-”


“What! I can't take the baby!”


“Why not?”


“I can't, I... I don't know what to do with him. He's screaming,” I said, as I looked at Gage for help, but got none. A big grin surfaced across his face as Deanna shoved him into my arms. “But… I…”


“You'll be fine. There's a bottle on the kitchen table… it's ready… all you have to do is feed it to him.”


I awkwardly turned him to face me as he cried, arching his back, apparently angry he had to wait for his meal. He clutched my shirt in his hand and got a piece of my hair as he gripped me tight. His little round face, beet red from his screaming and I bounced him as I pleaded with Gage once again for help. He recognized my nervousness and strode into the kitchen then returned shortly with the bottle and handed it to me.


“Here,” I said, as I motioned for Gage to take the baby with desperation clearly in my eyes.


“Oh no,” Gage said, as he held his hands back in the air. He gave me a roguish smile, then grasped my shoulders and directed me to the couch. “He's all yours.”


My jaw dropped as I gave him a scowl. “I don't know what I'm doing.” I pleaded as I held the nipple over the baby's flailing tongue. He attacked it with his mouth as if it were the last bottle on earth and began sucking with just as much effort as his cries muffled, then slowly waned.


“Apparently, you do,” he said, with an awe-inspiring smile. 


“Deanna, what's his name?” I asked.


“Grayson!” She hollered from down the hall. “Corby's been calling him Grayson.”


“Hey… shh, Grayson… it's okay,” I said, as crocodile tears still rolled down his cheeks from his angry eyes. I watched him as I bounced him softly in a frantic attempt to soothe him.  He made loud gulping noises as his widened blue eyes softened then settled on me. His tense little body calmed, and he studied me with intent curiosity.


I relaxed back into the cushions of the couch, a little more comfortable with him in my arms. His eyes grew heavy as he let go of my shirt and reached for my hair. I smiled softly as he swirled his tiny hand in my hair, twisting it around. He smiled and I giggled, his little milk covered tongue still curled around the nipple. He squeaked in an attempt to laugh back then continued to suck on the bottle. I looked up to see Gage, only to find him watching me. His smile faded but stayed present in his affectionate eyes.


I looked back at Grayson to see his long eyelashes close over his eyes. The bottle, near empty and I was surprised he drank it so fast. I didn't realize I held my breath and I let out a sigh.


“He's so cute,” I said, more to the baby than to Gage as I studied his delicate, light features. The complete opposite of Rubin's, dark and harsh. “Where's your mama, little baby?”


He looked like April, which put a smile on my face. Nothing like his father, and I suddenly hoped Grayson would never have to cross paths with him. He seemed so indifferent to him in the compound when I stood with Corby next to the crib. Rubin probably didn't care if he was dead or alive and I hoped that he would never come looking for him. My smile faded as a pang of sadness leaked into my heart.


“Do you think our neighborhoods will ever be safe again?” I asked Gage, as I carefully pulled the bottle away and dabbed at the milk in the corners of his lips with his blanket. I continued to watch Grayson fall asleep with a wad full of my hair clenched tight in his little fist. Bristling memories of the compound flooded my mind followed by crushing sorrow at the thought of all the other kids who weren't so lucky to get away. All the kids, Grayson included, would have to grow up with an army overshadowing their streets in order to protect them. 


“I don't know,” he replied, with heaviness in his voice as he sighed, then with an afterthought, “yeah, someday.”


I appreciated his honest answer that he didn't know and knew that his second response was most likely, an attempt to comfort me and provide me with hope for a better life for us.


I wondered where April was as I thought about the kind of life her baby would have without her. She could be dead for all I knew and he may never know her.  Morrison's all-pervading terror crusade hovered with cavernous gloom. I would never want to have children of my own as long as Morrison remained a threat, as long as Damian hunted me.


“It will get better, Jade,” Gage said, with augmented confidence as he pulled me from my despondency and I wondered if he truly believed it himself. I glanced up as he crossed the floor and knelt in front of me. My eyes settled on his angular shoulders as I averted his gaze. “It will… it has too.”


***


The two weeks Gage and I spent together slipped by like rushing water down a stream. I felt renewed with emotional strength, yet a new sadness grew in my heart, as I wanted to forget that Gage was supposed to leave with Kane tomorrow. I wanted the day to last forever, but evening eventually did come.


I walked into the kitchen to find the table covered with weapons and ammunition. The smell of gunpowder and gun cleaner chemicals hung thick in the air overpowering the savory smell of the roast and the odor gave me an instant headache. 


Kane and Gage talked in hushed tones as they discussed weapons and Darby's unwelcomed visit, while I tuned them out and stared blankly out the frosty window. Snow flurried lightly in the deepening dusk forming a white screen over the graying sky.


“Hey… Jade,” Kane said, pulling me from my thoughts and I turned to look at him. “Did you hear me?”


“Were you talking to me?”


“Yeah,” he said, perplexity written in his eyes. I glanced at Gage, his expression equally apprehensive.


“Oh… what?”


“Are you sure you want to stay at Gage's alone?”


“Yeah, I'm sure,” I paused with bloated confidence as I offered them both a reassuring smile, masking my worry. “I'll still spend a lot of time at Megan's and Deanna's.” Doubt leaked into Kane's eyes as I saw the worry he held for me surface. “I'll be okay, I promise.”


“It's not just your safety I'm worried about.”


“I feel fine, stop worrying… really.”


Kane eyed me with suspicion then handed me a rifle. I held it in my hands, stunned and stared at the gun with its black synthetic stock and silvery stainless steel barrel. I pulled it up to my chest and held it in position as I centered the sites on a spot on the wall.


“Where did you find this?” Surprised interest melted my gloomy mood. 


“I have my ways… Do you know what it is?”


“Yeah,” I smiled, “A breakdown Marlin 22, they stopped making these five years ago… Dad wanted to find me one.”


“Can you take it apart and put it together? Here's the case,” he said, as he handed me a black canvas gun case.


“Really,” I said, my voice thick with deep questioning undertones. I scowled at Kane's lack in confidence in me then proceeded to unscrew the barrel from the housing and pulled it apart. Simple, a five year old could learn how, I was a bit offended. With a raise of my eyebrows, I probed Kane for his approval then screwed it back in place. My glance shifted to Gage who stood next to him and offered me a favorable smile. 


“Okay,” he grinned, endorsing his belief in my competency, then dropped a box onto the table. “Here's a case of bullets…  I don't feel good about leaving you unprotected… I know, it’s just a 22 but it’s small and because it breaks down you can keep it hidden in a backpack or something. Keep it with you at all times. ”


“I love it…Thank you,” I said with a smile, as I took it apart again and unzipped the case then strapped the disassembled gun in place. I saw three twelve-bullet cartridges and three thirty-bullet cartridges, stuffed into a pocket. I pulled them out to examine them, already stocked with ammo.


Apparently satisfied, Kane returned to their equipment as they checked to make sure everything was ready. I watched them with attentive interest as I made a conscious effort not to lose myself in my thoughts, appreciative of Kane's unexpected gift.  Gage took a load out to the truck and Kane and I were the only ones left in the kitchen as I watched him arrange his gear.


“I talked to Raύl. He’ll come check on you every day.”


“Why?”


“Because, I want him to,” he paused, his hands frozen to a gun clip as he suddenly looked up.


“But…” I paused. I didn’t want to face Raύl, but I knew there would be a day that I would have to. Kane stared at me, worry seeped to his eyes and I knew I already walked on thin ice with him, I didn’t need to make his leaving harder than it already was. “Okay, I guess that’s fine. Did you see Emery?”


“Yeah… She’s doing fine… She misses you,” he said, the worry etched into his face dissipated.


“I miss her too.”


“She wants to come home… I told her she could come for a visit the next time I come up.”


“Really?”


“Yeah.”


I paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Kane.”


“Why?” He looked at me puzzled.


“Because…”


“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. We talked about this.” He stopped packing and looked attentively at me.


“I have plenty to be sorry about. I’m sorry I caused you to worry about me so much and I didn’t really appreciate everything you’ve done. I guess I just couldn’t see it.” I leaned against his shoulder and he put his arm around me to give me a hug.


“I think you’ve had a good enough excuse… you’ve been through a lot.”


“Thank you for caring about me enough to make me wake up.”


“You don’t hate me for throwing you in the snow?” He gave me a smile.


“No… I could never hate you, Kane. And I am really sorry I didn’t go with you to bury Trey,” I said, as my throat tightened into a knot. My chin quivered as I forced it down. “Where did you take him?”


“I think it was probably a good idea that you didn’t go. Don’t feel bad about it. We buried him up by the lake, where you wanted, and the six of us had a hard time getting him up there. It would have been hard for you then… It was snowing… There was a ton of snow… We’ll go up there in the spring when the snow is gone, okay.”


Tears filled my eyes as I thought about Trey. I still missed him terribly. My chest ached at the sound of his name. His absence, still a painful wound in my heart. I blinked back the tears.


“I know, Jade… I miss him too.”


“I don’t care how hard it was to get up there. I should have been there for him! I haven’t been a very good sister to you or Trey.”


“Yeah you are. Trey would understand. If there is anyone who knows you and understands, it’s him. Don’t be so hard on yourself… I’m so glad to see you getting better and I know Trey would feel the same. You just keep going in that direction, okay.”


“Okay.”


Gage came back through the front door and I quickly wiped my tears. I hoped he didn’t notice. He did right away but didn’t say anything. They finished with the supplies. Kane said goodnight and walked out of the kitchen as I followed Gage into the back room.


I sat at the end of his bed and watched Gage pack his bag for the trip. The sword pendant, sheathed in the koru, dangled just above his shirt in the hollowed out part of his neck. I knew he would leave it on. He said he never took it off. 


“Are you okay?” He asked.


“I’m fine,” I said, then turned and stared out at the black night through my faint reflection in the window. I glanced at my slumped image, surprised by my obvious sulking. I looked back at Gage as I sat straight and forced smile on my face.


“Did Kane upset you? I’ll go talk to him if you want, if he’s being too hard on you.”


“No…”


“You looked upset in the kitchen,” he said, and he watched me intently as he rolled several shirts in his hands, one after the other.


“We were just talking about Trey,” I said, as I shrugged my shoulders and fumbled with the edge of the knitted throw blanket spread across the end of the bed.


“You’ve been quiet today,” he said, as he set the shirts down and reached for his wool socks. His arms flexed as he organized his stuff in the bag. A knot formed in my throat as my heartbeat quickened in my chest and made it difficult to respond.


“I’m just not looking forward to tomorrow when you leave.”


“If we can get the oil refinery, it would be huge in getting Morrison out of the city,” Gage said.


“Do you have to go?” I immediately regretted my question as worry leaked back into his eyes. I knew he had to go. It wasn’t up to him.


“Yeah…  I need to, Jade,” Gage said, as he took a step towards me. The remnants of his spicy aftershave he put on this morning settled around me. “You heard Darby. They need help…The only hope we have to get rid of people like Morrison and Damian and this Militia is to fight them.” 


I sighed. Morrison needed stopped but that wasn't where my fear stemmed from. I worried more about what would happen when he came across Damian. Every time his name surfaced, pent up anger surfaced in Gage's eyes and it was only a matter of time before their paths crossed.


“It’s something I have to do… When I find Damian, and I will… I won’t be leaving him for dead like he did me. He should have killed me when he had the chance, because now I’m going after him and I’ll make sure he won’t bother you again... No questions asked… That is just how it is for me,” he said, his jaw clenched tight. The hatred he had for Damian near impossible to miss in his eyes.


“Is there going to be a lot of shooting?”


“At times,” Gage said, as he reached for my hand. His fingers entwined with mine as he tried to play down what would happen, but I knew what it would be like. “I have a bullet proof vest that I wear-”


“Do you have a bullet proof helmet?” I asked, as I cut him off.


“No, I don’t. I’ll be as careful as I can. I’ll be back. Okay.”


“I know you can't guarantee that you will come back, so why are you saying that!” My angry protests surged like a hot current. He'd already been shot twice before and almost killed. Gage was here, alive, and I wanted it to stay that way. I knew I was being selfish but I didn’t want him to go.


“I'm sorry, I don't mean to sugar coat it,” he paused, then he moved closer as he walked around to my side and looked intently at me. I looked back out the window. “Every time I go, there is the chance… I may not come back.”


“I can’t go through…” I didn’t finish. My throat tightened as a knot appeared. I was mad at myself for getting upset.


“I know,” he hesitated, “I want you to know… I need you to know, before I leave that you mean so much more to me than,” he paused as a sigh escaped him. “I need you... I love you, Jade, and I will, as long as I live. That will never change.”


“Even with knowing what I did? Do you want to be with me knowing…?” I forced the tears back and I continued to stare out the window. I couldn’t say it! I couldn’t tell him that I let it happen, that I didn't stop him, and I thought of Gage through all of it! I wished I hadn’t, if there was anything I regretted the most, it was that. And because I associated pain with Gage, I was afraid to be touched by him.


“Jade look at me.” 


“I can’t!”


“Look at me!” He said louder and I jumped. I looked at him through tears. I couldn’t tell if the intensity in his eyes stemmed from anger or passion, maybe both. “I don’t know what he did. You won’t tell me. But there is nothing that Damian could do to you to make it so I won’t love you! Nothing! That will never change… Don’t ever think you’re not good enough for me now because of what Damian did. I know you want this! I know you want us… I felt it from you last night and this morning… hell, all of last week.”


“I do… But…You wouldn’t understand.”


“Try me.”


I shook my head. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him anything.


“Jade! Don’t tell me I wouldn’t understand and not give me a chance to!”


With his face inches from mine, he grabbed my arms. His heated eyes intensified and his breaths increased with the rise and fall of his chest. He looked suddenly like he wanted to kiss me. I gasped, with wide eyes I panicked. He saw my fear with the tears that followed and moved back slightly as he released the tightness of his grip.


“Jade, I’m sorry… He did this… I don’t know why you feel like you had a choice… I know you didn't… A choice between what! Punishment and … whatever he did! That’s not giving you a choice, its exploitation, manipulation, abuse. That’s how they get people to follow them, and the only other option is death or threats of death if you don’t comply… I guess what's bothering me so much is not that you won’t tell me what happened… But that you feel like you can’t.”


Gage let go of my arms and let his hands fall. I sighed and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry, Gage…” I paused for a moment as I tried to force my thoughts into words. “He… I…”


“Don’t tell me right now… I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me… You wait until you want to… Okay.”


“Okay.”


“And… I'm not saying that someday, you need to tell me… I'm just saying that, if you ever want to talk about it… I hope I'm the one you come to when you're ready.”





***


Morning came way too quickly. I didn’t tell Gage yesterday that I loved him back. I know he didn’t expect me to. He hadn’t put any pressure on me as he let me be the one to determine what our relationship would be. But even with that, I knew he wanted it to be more. I knew he wanted to kiss me last night, I could feel it and it terrified me, and with as hard as it was for him, I watched him hold back.


Kane and Gage got the last of their gear together outside when I walked onto the front porch. Deanna’s husband met them at the truck. I sat and watched them for a while when Casey and Megan came over.


Deanna and Ivy came over and Gage walked out to the road by the truck to say goodbye. He picked Ivy up and spun her around. She hugged his neck with her little arms and laughed then she gave him a kiss on the cheek and said something in his ear. A smile surfaced on his face. He set her down by Deanna. She giggled as he did then she looked over at me with her cute smile and waved.


  My heart surged and my breaths grew painful as he walked back towards me. I stood on the front porch and watched him as he picked up his last bag, then stood in front of me as the moment I dreaded most finally came. 


“I’ll be back…” He paused and gave me a smile. His imploring eyes searched mine. He held something back. “Don’t worry.”


I nodded my head. It was all I could do to hold back the tears. I watched him as he walked down the sidewalk and headed for the truck. My heart pounded with painful constricting spasms in my chest. I couldn’t stand that he was about to leave without him knowing.


“Gage!” I yelled and ran after him. He turned around as he stood under the big leafless maple tree. I looked into his eyes as I wrapped my arms around him. “I love you, too!”


He dropped his bag and grabbed me up in his arms. His lips met mine, strong and demanding as he kissed me, unrestrained and I didn’t want it end. A deep throaty growl emerged from him that sent a tingling sensation through my body. My lips parted as he deepened the kiss a verbal sigh escaped me, unable to contain it as all of my emotions that I had for him, that I had suppressed deep down inside of myself flooded back.


He pulled away, long enough to look at me with focused craving as he lifted me off my feet and moved through the snow angels to lose our audience. He pushed me behind the tree and kissed me again. Softly and tenderly at first with the gentle give and pull of his lips, then as if sustained with a life of its own, grew with intensity. An undying need as he crushed his body against me and pulled me tight, surrounding me, all-encompassing that left my mind reeling as I needed to come up for air.


“I couldn’t stand that you were leaving without knowing that I still love you, I never stopped… I just…”


“Shh… thank you,” he said, as he brushed his thumb over my lips and kissed me again.


He kissed my forehead as he held my cheeks in his hands, then moved them over my shoulders, wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. His heart beat fiercely and I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I looked up and smiled at him.


“Your eyes… Bright green…  And beautiful,”  he said, more to himself than to me, then he smiled back, leaning close, his lips grazed against mine.  “I love you, Jade Kennington.”


I heard Ivy giggle in the background as Deanna told her to hush. I smiled at the thought of her. Gage must have heard her too. He gave a sideways glance towards Ivy’s direction and laughed a little to himself. He grinned as he shook his head.


“She told me I was going to kiss you soon.”


I laughed. “She did?”


“Yeah… I don’t know how she knew… I didn’t.”


I kissed him softly as I heard the light tap of the truck horn, voicing Kane’s impatience. Gage glanced over his shoulder. “You’re going to have to wait a minute!” He yelled, then turned back to me. His strong hands gripped my arms as if he couldn’t bring himself to let go. He moved them slowly around my back and pulled me close again. He looked at me softly as I fumbled with the pendant around his neck. The black stone slick in my fingers.


His smile faded as a serious expression leaked into his face. “You know how to find me if you need to, right?”


“Yeah, I’ll be okay…  Just come back.”


“I love you,” he whispered softly, like he couldn’t say it enough as he kissed me gingerly one more time. He sighed. I knew how hard it was for him. “I need to go.”


“I know… Do you remember what I said?”


“Last week on the trail?” He asked, his voice a husky whisper.


“You promised me.”


“I know where my priorities are…” His eyes flicked up to mine.


“You are what’s most important to me,” I paused as his eyes drifted closed. His forehead pressed against mine. Our breaths mingled, we breathed the same air. I whispered with intensity and as if he read my mind, we both spoke at the same time.


“You.”


I smiled.


“You are my family… my priority,” he said. “You are most important to me… I will never forget that, Jade. Don’t you forget it either.” He laced his fingers through mine and sent a shudder up my arm as he skimmed the tip of his finger against the palm of my hand. I gasped unexpectedly, then returned the gesture.


I walked with him to the truck and watched Casey as he gave Megan a kiss goodbye and rubbed her belly. That made me smile inside and I stood next to Megan as he got into the truck.


Kane sat in the driver’s seat and tapped on the wheel as his patience grew thin, but gave me an approving smile as Gage situated the last of his gear and slid into the seat of the truck.


“Come on, let’s go!” Kane yelled, then waved goodbye to me.


Ivy moved over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. She hugged me tight and I squeezed her back. Gage pointed at her and winked. I looked down at her and smiled. She had a big toothless grin from ear to ear and I couldn’t help but laugh at her.


“I’ll be back,” he said, then his jaw clenched tight and he sighed. Torn between dutiful will to the men he fought with, to the cause he fought for and a need to mend things between us. He slid down and rested his head back against the seat. He ran his hands through his hair then closed his eyes as mine grew moist and I watched him drive away.