Jaded Warriors book 2 (Jade Series)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11





We crossed the street and continued along the winding trail towards my house in silence. My nerves still spiked to attention from our previous conversation. My insides buzzed uncomfortably as we got closer to the burnt ruins of the home I grew up in.


“Are you okay?”


“I’m a little nervous,” I breathed.


“We don’t have to go, we can turn around and I can come back later.”


“No, I think I need to see it… Did it burn completely down?”


“Some of the outer walls and the floor and part of the stairs were left… we pulled it down. Nothing but the foundation and the rock fireplace stands. Part of the basement wasn't touched. We cleaned it out… Tried to salvage what was left and put it in a room up in the loft of your barn.”


As we neared, I slowed Fire. We rounded the corner and I saw nothing but the barn. Just as Gage said, the familiar frame of the house that shaded the back yard was gone. An empty feeling weighted my insides and tugged my heart down into my stomach. The palpable void present like something magnificent once stood and left a feeling of abandonment and loneliness in its absence. I rode up to the barn and jumped off Fire to look around.


Nothing but a big cement hole, a rotting pit with piles of ash and burnt debris sat where my home once stood. I walked to the edge of the outside stairs that led to the basement.  I looked down at the first step to walk down the stairs and I saw something. I slowly sat down and brushed off the ash and dirt. Emery’s miniature handprint, cemented into the patio next to mine. I set my hand over it, covering it up completely. I remembered when my dad poured the concrete. We were all so young then. Emery was just a baby, which made Trey and me about five years old and Kane about ten. I brushed more of the cement clean and found Trey’s and Kane’s hands too. Their handprints quite a bit bigger than mine but still small.


I stood and walked down the stairs to where the basement door used to be. The tears came as I looked around. With the door gone I stepped through and stood in what used to be our family room. Anger and sadness whirled inside me at the same time, neither stronger than the other.


Everything that I loved and was dear to me sat in a pile of ash on the basement floor. The horrific smell of burnt fabric and ash along with the stench of rot from exposure to the weather combined with the stale smell of smoke. A smell I would never forget.


I sat down on what was left of the old coffee table charred black in places. I wiped my eyes and looked over at Gage. He watched me as he leaned against the doorway. He walked over and sat down by me.


“I wish I could get past all of the crying.”


“You will.”


“Yeah, well, I've never cried so much in my life. I’m not so strong now, am I?” I said frustrated.


“You don’t need to be. Sometimes you need to let others be strong for you until you can get back to being yourself. Besides, look at everything you’ve been through. You made it out, didn’t you? You walked out on your own two feet,” Gage said, as he held his gaze on me.  How was it that he always knew the right thing to say?


“Thank you for being strong for me.” I leaned against his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me.  I wiped the last of my tears. “I think I’ve seen enough.”


As I stood, the entry to the storage room drew my attention. The door was charred but still intact and apparently opened since the fire. A pile of ash on the floor, smoothed out of the way, the door previously opened.


“What’s in there?”


“Everything that was in there before.”


“Is it burned?”


“No…” Gage walked over and messed with a combination lock that kept it secured. He opened the door only for me to see the freezer, shelves of bottles and cans of food, untouched by the fire. “Most of everything we canned that week is still there. Marge came over and finished the garden. The freezer is still half-full. Kane wants our food supply kept separate from what he raises at the farm.”


“Why?”


“He just wants to make sure we have what we need first. He can only do so much, he doesn’t want you or Emery to ever go hungry and Kane can’t keep going how he is if he’s unhealthy.”


“Not just him though.”


“No, all of us, Joel, Marge, Raύl and the guys at the farm, Casey, everyone, we need each other, more than ever if we’re going to beat Morrison.” Gage shut the door and replaced the lock then he led me back up the stairs. “Kane is extremely generous in what he’s given away to others from the farm, but he also knows there is only so much he can do. He just wants to make sure those close to him are taken care of first.”


I looked over at my mom’s garden. Spring hadn’t arrived yet, but I wondered if we would plant anything in the garden this year. We would have to. With Kane in the middle of a war, I guessed that would be up to me, we would still need food.


I walked into the orchard and found the old tire swing that hung from the cherry tree and I sat at the edge of it holding the ropes in my hands. A small wooden handmade cross, unfamiliar to me stood out through the snow in the far corner under the apple tree. Gus used to love to chew on the fallen apples on the ground. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t get my usual greeting. “Where’s Gus?” 


“He’s dead.”


“Gus is gone, too?” I spun the tire around quickly to look at Gage. My hands gripped at the ropes tightly.


“Yeah, Kane buried him over there,” Gage said, as he pointed to the cross.


“How did he die?”


Gage just looked at me for a minute. He didn’t want to tell me. He shook his head. “He was in the garage when the house caught fire. He died from smoke inhalation.”


I felt my shoulders drop at the unexpected news. Gage held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me up from the swing and we walked out of the orchard, past the barn and found the horses out in the back pasture. I hoped they didn’t start to run. I wasn’t in the mood to chase them.


With compacted snow at the base, the dead yellow grass was long, almost up to my knees. A year and a half passed since my dad cut it and thankfully, kept the horses fed through the winter. The stream behind our house weaved through a section of the large overgrown pasture along the fence line to the corner and a break off from it emptied into a big pond, which kept water in it all year long. There were ducks and a few wild geese on the pond and they flew up as we walked past.


My legs grew tired and I grew winded rather quickly as we chased them around the field, unwilling to be caught. I chided myself for the condition of my body, or rather my lack of condition. The deterioration of my health, not completely my fault but I knew I needed to do better. I felt weak and I could feel Gage watch me as I tried not to make my huffing so obvious.


Finally, the horses gave me a break and stopped running. Blue Dodger walked up to me first and I rubbed his neck as I tried to decide which horse to take.


“Is Raύl living at the farm still?”


“Yeah, he and Jorge are managing it through the winter.  Miguel and the others will come back up in the spring.”


“Oh.”


A twinge of sadness crept through me as I thought of Hector. I would never see his smiling, puppy-dog eyes again, hear his infectious laugh or hear him call me by the nickname he gave me. His life gone, along with his silly riddles of the past.


Gage must have sensed my despondency. “Elias said that Isabella is coming up in the spring.”


I turned to look at Gage as he pulled me from my thoughts of Hector. A newfound optimism surfaced in hopes of seeing my friend. “Really?”


“Yeah, the end of May I think he said.”


“I can’t wait to see her…” I paused, looking back at the horses. “I guess we’ll take Trey’s horse, Raύl might need Dodger for the cows.”


Trey’s horse, a big beautiful bay named Gerico. His mane and tail, thick and long, and as black as the darkest night. I wrapped the rope around his muscled neck and he followed behind me like the big puppy dog he was. The other horses trailed behind, one behind the other until we walked through the gate, leaving them behind.


The scent of hay wafted through the air as I opened the barn door. I stopped and closed my eyes as the familiar scent brought me back to happier times spent in the barn. I tied Gerico up to the post and brushed his thick winter coat. Gage grabbed a saddle. The leather creaked as it stretched against itself while I tightened the cinch.


I lead him out of the barn and looked up at the sky. It would be dark soon and I was more than ready to leave but then the rustling of the plastic bag in my pocket reminded me that I had something else left to do.


“Oh… Will you still build a fire? It can be a small one.”


“Sure. I think Kane has something down in that room I can light it with. Where do you want it?”


I looked to the back yard and walked over to where the deck stairs used to be. I knew right where I wanted it. The exact spot Damian took me from that night.


“Right here.” I looked up at Gage. He gave me a sweet smile and looked at me as if he knew.


He walked to the barn and brought back firewood, a flake of straw and something else in his hand. He loosened up the dry straw, placed the wood over it then doused it with lighterfluid. The scent of gasoline thick in the air. He lit the straw and with a rapid poof, it egnited into a good fire.


The plastic bag rustled as I removed it from my pocket and pulled out the worn gray shirt that I wore while imprisoned. The bag floated with feather light motion as I let it fall into the fire and I watched it curl around the wood.


It melted into nothing as I stared into the fire. I unfolded the shirt and held it over the flames. The cotton shirt, once white was a filthy gray with dirt and dark rust color bloodstains, evidence of my imprisonment, evidence of the rescue. The bottom caught fire as I watched, mesmerized, as the flames grew slowly and chewed its way through the material and engulfed the shirt. I felt the heat as the flames neared my hand and couldn’t bring myself to let go as I stared, entranced by the flickering blaze. I felt the vicious bite of the fire and the hot sting burned at my fingers.


“Jade… Let go.”


Gage nudged me and woke me from my numbing trance as his words echoed softly in my mind. Let go. I dropped what was left of the shirt. The last of it burned into cinders that disappeared into the cool evening air as the fire died down to ash.


I still felt the sting as Gage took my hand and inspected it then picked up some snow from the ground and put it on my burns. The fluffy snow numbed my hand as it pulled out the heat and melted through my fingers leaving a ball of frozen ice as I clutched it.


It had been a long road to where I was and still a long road lie ahead. Determination burned inside me, more than ever before not to let Damian control my mood, my feelings, my thoughts or my life anymore. I felt angry with myself that I let him get away with it thus far.


“I don’t want to come back here for a while.” 


“I’m ready to leave when you are.”


Gage kicked at the embers and broke them up into the snow. Smoke filled the air as the coals disintegrated into black ash.


As I walked over to Fire, my heart twisted painfully into a knot. Everything that I lost, material, objects from my past. I didn’t need any of it. I managed without it for almost a year now.  I stole a glance at Gage. The most important thing that I lost that night, still stood right in front of me and waited for me to figure it out, to find my way back to him.


I pulled Fire’s bridle off, wrapped it over the horn of the saddle and replaced it with a halter.


“What are you doing?” Gage asked, he glanced at me as he mounted Gerico, his eyes curious, wondering. I tilted my head back slightly to look at him.


“I want to ride with you.”


With the need for understanding, I searched his eyes and saw I didn’t need to say anything else. A smile grew slowly that reached his eyes. He understood. I needed to be close to him, to feel him next to me, without being bound to an explanation. Gage reached his hand down. I gave him my arm as I gripped his and swung up behind him.


“Are you sure?” Gage asked. I clutched his arms as I sat close to him. He turned and looked over his shoulder to see me. His cheek, his lips, mere inches from mine as his husky voice reached deep into my heart. “The last time I took you home on the back of your horse, I made you cry.”


He teased me and it warmed my insides. I remembered that day, and it made me smile. I would never forget it and it touched my heart to know he remembered it too. It was the day I realized how drawn to Gage I was. How he could evoke so many different emotions from me, all at once as no one else could.


A crooked smile curled at the corner of his lip and I laughed light-heartedly as I held on to the less serious tones that I desperately needed. “That’s all I do anymore, Gage. Why would it bother you if I cry now?”


His eyes sobered, as did his smile. “Because… I don’t like to be the one who causes your tears.”


He hadn’t ever hurt me, with the exception of that day and even then it wasn’t deliberate, unlike Damian, he hadn’t wanted to. I could see that even though Gage had taken ownership in my tears, was set out to rid them of their presence, I was glad he knew he wasn’t the cause of them and he wanted nothing to do with creating them.


“I know…”


My insides warmed.


“Oh, and,” I said with an afterthought at his remark. “This isn’t my horse… Gerico is yours. Trey would want you to have him.”


His jaw flexed as he looked at me stunned. “Are you sure?”


“Yeah.”


I reached my arms around him and squeezed him tight. He placed his hand over top of mine for a moment as if to hold it in place, right over his heart. I softly kissed the arch of his shoulder then placed my cheek against it and closed my eyes. Gage whistled softly to Fire. I felt him wrap the lead rope to the horn of the saddle.


As we rode quietly on the dark trail I thought about my home, and the good memories I had. I was surprised at how I felt. Sad, but not as sad as I thought I would. I was okay and I needed to build a new life and leave that home behind me along with the girl who used to live there with it. I wasn’t that little girl anymore who used to run around carefree, chased by her brothers. I had a wonderful childhood, good parents that gave me a good home and loved me and I was thankful for the memories. I needed to get past that, to move forward. It wouldn’t be easy but seemed easier all the time and the one who I wanted to move forward with, sat right in front of me. He never really left.


The night was black by the time we got home. The heat of the fire warmed the skin under my jeans as I sat close to it on the floor by Gage. I used the couch as a backrest and curled my legs up close to my chest.


“Thank you for today,” I said as I glanced at Gage. “The last few have been good, the first I’ve had for a long time.”


“You’re welcome… I didn’t do much.”


“Yeah you did. More than you know.”


My eyes were heavy and wanted to close. I fought to stay awake but it didn’t last long. I rolled over on the rug and felt the warmth of the fire on my face as I closed my eyes. The popping of the fire, the only sounds in the room. Gage whispered something and I mumbled something back, not really sure what was said between us. He chuckled close to my ear and I wondered briefly what I said to cause his reaction. He moved closer and I fanned open my eyelids for a second and gave him a shy smile. I tried to hold his gaze but my eyes were too heavy and I closed them again then curled into his arms.


“What are you doing?” I asked, jarred from sleep. His hands moved under me.


“Carrying you to bed,” Gage said softly, he picked me up in his arms and pulled me to his chest as I wrapped mine around his neck.


“Will you stay with me?”


“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere.”


With the covers already pulled back, he put me in bed and climbed up next to me. He curled his body around mine.  I rested my head on his shoulder as his arms surrounded me, just as he used to at the cabin.