Vertago

I will be 50 this December...13th.

  I am not happy about this milestone.
My dad lived till 87 and my mom died from cancer
at 65.. I have maybe 3o years left.
I can't think of anything to brag about.
It's just a big waste.
As I've said before in previous chapters, I have
no plan. I don't even want to have kids.
Most of the people I've grown up with are divorced
or in prison or dead. They wanted to have kids and
they got-em in spades.
A girl I was smitten with Liz Darling got married
and had a daughter and got divorced and raised her
daughter as a single mother.
Liz is a nurse and her daughter is married now.
I don't know if the daughter has kids..
Just another milestone.

A buddy of mine Chris Warren told me his friend
drove his pick up to the beach and shot himself
in the head. Chris had been through a nasty divorce
and had loss everything he'd worked for.
He told me his friend was in a similar situation
when he suicided at 56. I told Chris not to beat
himself up and keep plugging away.

Chris quit his job and I haven't heard from him
2 years. I hope he didn't do it, like his friend.
As far as I can tell; this is all there is.
I like to watch movies and have some fun.
That isn't all I have to say about my life.
I cared for my mom, when she couldn't clean or
dress herself. That was 5 years of my life that
I think I did some good. Mom was very grateful ..
She and dad were afraid a nursing home would take
all their savings.

This was my introspective period in my writing.
The result is what you read here.
Okay, I'm not Yeats! But, I think, therefore, I am
writing! Jesus, some people tick me off.
My surviving sister never has anything positive
to say. She's pissed, because I'm writing about
our dirty secrets.. So freaking deal with it!
I'm not a monster. I'm just different..
Abby normal :)

This blog is a bit chaotic and that's me all over-ah!

Happy Birthday in a little while..
I'm so freaking happy!
I shit my pants!

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